Today was HARD. See, yesterday my temp jumped up. 98.8! So like an *idiot* I test with First Response Early Result. Of course it was :bfn. What did I expect??
So that made me feel stupid. However, it made me realize this cycle could be a bust. What’s more, I’m pretty okay with that. Yeah, I”ll be disappointed, but that’s normal. I still feel pretty comfortable about getting pregnant eventually. It’s good to be positive, right?
Today I didn’t test or anything. My temperature was 98.7. Still high but down from yesterday. So I guess it’s another game of wait ‘n see. I hate this game.
I bought another test 2 pack today. Albertson’s/Sav-on brand. Just to cover my bases. I spent a lot of time today looking at the cycle galleries and hpt results. :sigh Bad day for obsessing. I know I shouldn’t do it, but I do.
Well, for better or for worse, it’ll all be over after Thursday. One way or another. The waiting is by far the worst part. So much pressure and so many questions. So little control! There’s just nothing you can do.
On the bright side of things, as of March 13, we will have satellite tv. Sunday we went down to Walmart and got a DirecTV certificate. They install on the 13th. So that’ll be something to look forward to. Yay, I’ll be able to watch a Baby Story! I miss that show!
I keep trying to think back to my first pregnancy. I obsessed a little. I remember that. I also remember that in December, I had a super long cycle, but I never tested. It was like 40 days long. Could have just been a long cycle. Who knows? I’ll always wonder. But testing seemed so foreign at the time. With H, I never got to day 40 or anything. I remember thinking I should wait to test. Then it was like, “Wait for what??” So I bought a test. I think I was 18-20 dpo at the time. Those days are long gone. Sure, I obsessed a little back then. I watched A Baby Story. But it all seems so innocent boy today’s standards. Maybe that’s just me wearing rose colored glasses.
I certainly have more knowledge now. Not near so naive I guess that’s a good thing. Maybe, maybe not.
