by Marilyn on April 30, 2003
Whew. What a day! The cleaners got here just after 9:30 am and they were done in just over an hour later! I kind of wished I’d had them do at least the second bathroom. Oh well. It looks wonderful in here. We should do this more often. 
I took a test this morning. Stupid. Wasn’t even first thing. :bfn I have a feeling that’s the final answer too. We’ll see. We definitely can’t do another round this next month. Just can’t afford it. Maybe not the month after that either. 
I think I’ll ovulate anyhow. But it’s still kinda a bummer. Feels like quitting.
We did the big shop today too. Ugh. H freaked out at first and screamed through half of Walmart. That wasn’t fun. Thankfully, he finally settled down. I was str essing for a moment there. Now I just have tomorrow to get through!
by Marilyn on April 29, 2003
So it’s been a while. This has been a difficult month. Difficult, mostly, to stay motivated. I just have no motivation for TTC or anything else! I haven’t even temped this month. Well, partly because I can’t find the thermometer. About figures, eh? Also, temping while on progesterone *sucks*. Really keeps your hopes up.
I ovulated a little early this month, which was nice. Friday. Cuz we didn’t get any bd’ing done on vacation. Ooops. I forgot and OPK or two and even forgot two nights of progesterone. It’s just really hard to stay focused.
However, my thyroid is finally normal. While I was in Elko, I called in for the results and they were 1.02. Down from 35! So that’s nice. I was hoping for under 2. I’m a little concerned because I’m not *feeling* any different. I just don’t have much hope for this cycle. Even though everything looks as good as possible, I’m in doubt. My egg was *huge* this month too. 26-28mm! A new record for me! I just feel to relaxed and too normal or something.
I go for the beta on Friday. :dry I hate those. I really do. I’m not going in until after 10am and then I’m not calling for results. If I don’t find out, great. But I’ll probably test by then and know.
It’s a crazy week. We have to have ANOTHER inspection on Thursday. Apparently our house was too dirty the last time. So, we’re hiring Merry Maids to come clean tomorrow (and somewhere in there I have to go to Walmart) then K is going to rent a Rug Doctor that night and do the carpets. *whew* They’re doing the inspection at 11am on the 1st and I’m gonna go have lunch with Jenn to keep out of the house.
by Marilyn on April 8, 2003
Finally started! A little quicker this month. That’s good! Progress! So I had my ultrasound today. All’s good and clear. She even said that my follicles looked good and healthy. But I do think she just said that to make me feel better because I’m kinda bummed. But whatever works, right?
I didn’t write yesterday. I’ve been kinda slacking. My interest is just DOWN lately. I didn’t even make anything for the site today or yesterday. I just don’t *feel* like it.
I really need to work on my motivation. I’m hoping it’s just a temporary hormone thing. Cuz I hate being so unproductive.
Good Lord, we’ve had trouble getting H to bed lately. He’s *still* awake. He’s been getting out of bed. Making messes. Generally being a pain. Urgh. The joys of parenting toddlers. 
by Marilyn on April 6, 2003
The next cycle *still* hasn’t started, but I expect it to tomorrow. I’ve been spotting all day and I had cramps earlier. I wish today had been the day but at least it’s sooner than last month. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken the progesterone the night before the beta. Live and learn.
But this still puts the 18th at 12 dpo so I can still get my follie check before we go to Elko. Still will have to do the baby dance while we’re there, but only once or twice. So that’s not *so* bad. Still not ideal though.
Oh well. No one said this would be easy. But it’s so hard to accept that when I see others getting it so easy. Some people don’t have to think twice to get pregnant. It’s just unfair. But then no one said that life would be fair.
But I’m not asking for the lottery here. I just want to get pregnant.
by Marilyn on April 4, 2003
Further BLEH!
Temp was still up today. Didn’t test. I guess I just knew. Well, first off the garage door was busted. Grr! And I mean busted. The chain was off the trtack. I was lucky to get the darn thing up manually so I could go get the darn beta done. :dry Then, back at home, I slammed my fingers in the front door. Didn’t break them, but bruised the heck out of them. Ouch! So I knew my day was doomed.
Four o’clock came and I still hadn’t heard. So I called. They didn’t have the results yet. They finally called about 5 o’clock. Negative. I expected it, but it still was really disappointing. Made me feel like a failure, you know? I mean, what is it going to take? And why is this happening to me?
