The weather has been fabulous today. It started last night. Clouded up, thunder rolled, rain fell. It fell most of the day too. Kept the temperature nice and cool. There should be more summer days like this one.
As much as I accuse the days of crawling by, I am kind of surprised that August is almost over. Still have a week or so left, but wow! Time does pass after all.
The miscarriages are rolling in on the pregnancy message board I’ve been visiting. I always hate this time, the smashed hopes… Yet for each blighted ovum and missing heartbeat, my chances of having the same problem decrease. Isn’t that dreadful? Is it totally selfish of me to feel the relief I do? I feel so guilty. However, I can’t but think that there hasn’t been a missing heartbeat yet and my ultrasound is coming up in a few days. Oh gosh… Well, it could be because I’m due at the start of the month and not everyone is at the point of detectable heartbeats or has even had ultrasounds yet. It’s so hard not to worry.
It’s true, that when you experience infertility, you have a harder time not anticipating a miscarriage. Sure, I worried about it with H, but it was more abstract. Now, it’s almost as if I expect it. And that is a really crummy way to look at things. Because I know I’d be devastated if I had a miscarriage. Yet at the same time, it’s like I think expecting one would make it hurt less. And that’s just simply not true.
The Three Musketeers just started. This will certainly take my mind off this dreadful subject.
This is me. I'm a thirtysomething stay at home mom to three kids. For years I was a stay at home mom to one kid and trying very hard to have more. It took a LONG time (ie: 6 1/2 years), but finally Liam arrived and charmed us with his blue eyes and ginormous, round head. Then we got a shock: I was pregnant again and this time it was a GIRL. Our hearts and home are full at last and now that we're done having babies, we get to relax (snort) and watch them grow (not too fast now, you hear?). Thanks for coming by, feel free to dip into my archives, read my About and History pages (just don't do Jackson's Story without tissues!) and make yourself at home.
