I can understand a little more now about alcoholism.? Not that it’s a good thing, or that I “condone” it, but I can see why people, put in situations such as this, drink.? It *forces* you to relax.? To let go of your anxiety.? It soothes.? And this Sutter Home White Zin is pretty fabulous.? I keep thinking I may have to get more when we get back home.? One drink a day wouldn’t hurt (too much?) and it could make me feel SO much better.
Anyhow.? Back to the story.
K had to make some calls right about then.? God, I don’t envy him, even now.? He tried my parents, the line was busy.? 6, 6:30?? That would be my dad, online or playing freecell and forgetting he was still online.? I think it was 6:30 by then.? Closer to 7, actually.? Now that I think about it.
He called his parent’s cellphone, figured they were on the road, heading to Reno.? We’d called them when the contractions got bad hours before and they were ready to come and watch H for us.? If they were on the road, they’d just started out.? It was the first time the words were said aloud.? By either of us.? And of course, saying it makes it REAL.? Poor K.? He just broke down when he told them about the heartbeat.? I’d never seen him cry, not *really*, and this was sobbing agony.? I swear, my heart broke for a second time in that moment.? And I couldn’t even get out of that frigging bed to hold him.? So I just held out my arms.? He got off the phone and I just held him.? Him crying, my heard doing the same.? But in that moment, I was strong.? The strong one.? And I was being strong for him, just in that moment.? That was probably the absolute worst moment.? Singularly so.? There have been horrible moments since, but they haven’t been near as sharp.
My parents line was still busy so he called Jenn next.? That was as difficult, but then, it was Jenn.? He finally got ahold of my dad.? When his voice started to catch, I took the phone and told him the big news.? I remember him hollering at my mom to get on the extension.? I had to tell her too.? I remember her trying to tell me their travel plans, something about a party Wednesday night they couldn’t get out of.? Whatever.? Thursday, Wednesday… what did it really matter?
It was time for the c-section.? They were going to allow me to have general anesthesia.? I never thought I’d want to have that again, but I couldn’t bear the thought of being awake.
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This is me. I'm a thirtysomething stay at home mom to three kids. For years I was a stay at home mom to one kid and trying very hard to have more. It took a LONG time (ie: 6 1/2 years), but finally Liam arrived and charmed us with his blue eyes and ginormous, round head. Then we got a shock: I was pregnant again and this time it was a GIRL. Our hearts and home are full at last and now that we're done having babies, we get to relax (snort) and watch them grow (not too fast now, you hear?). Thanks for coming by, feel free to dip into my archives, read my About and History pages (just don't do Jackson's Story without tissues!) and make yourself at home.
