Is there such a thing? Can a person have too many babies? Well, from a practical standpoint, if they have to rely on the government to assist them financially yes. But what if they have no troubles supporting themselvels? First, I must speak unbiased about this: If you can support 15 children yourself while maintaining a healthy and relatively happy atmosphere, that’s your business. More power to you. That is the case with the this one family in Arkansas. You can also read more about them here.
However, I must warn you that I’m going to go off on a very selfish, self-absorbed rant here. Sure, I’m jealous. I look at that family and all their children and think, “How come they get to have all those beautiful children? Why couldn’t God have given me one of them instead?” Those thoughts turn to wondering if it is because of their devout worship of God. Maybe I haven’t gone to church enough or lived as God would like me to? Is that why I have to suffer with infertility? Now, I know those are all very silly thoughts. Not a grain of truth in any of it. I am infertile simply because I am and God is here to help me through it, not inflict it upon me. I still can’t help but look at that family and have all the dark, insecure and jealous thoughts come out to play. There’s also the part of me that thinks what they’re doing is wrong, wrong, wrong. There is no privacy in that house? Older children are responsible for younger children… but they’re just children themselves? The girls are raised to believe that the only choice for women is to stay at home and raise a large family. What if, God forbid, one of them is infertile? The chances are high and how horrible for that girl, who could possibly be led to think she has no worth in society because of it?
On the other hand, I feel sad for the children. I grew up the fifth of five children in a Catholic family. I was the youngest by an easy eight years and obviously, not planned. I’m forever grateful for the upbringing I had. I never was in need of anything. Except maybe attention. I guess by the time I showed up, my parents needed a break. Whatever the reason, I was often cared for by my older siblings and after they grew up and left the house, I was old enough to stay by myself while my parents were out playing bridge or going on trips. If there is anything I feel I missed, it’s quality time. Regardless of the amount of children they had, my parents were never overly demonstrative people. I never got a lot of hugs and kisses and can’t really recall being told, “I love you.” Now, before you think I’m throwing a pity party or you start feeling really sorry for myself, as a kid I didn’t really notice. I thought my life was just fine, thank you very much, and I couldn’t have asked for anything better.
But as an adult, looking back, it makes me sad. I can’t imagine not lavishing hugs and kisses on my little boy or telling him every day how much I love him. And my seemingly endless battle with infertility and loss has only made me that more appreciative of every moment I have with him. Do I miss the attention from my parents now that I’m an adult? You bet. So while those children may not think now that their lives are lacking anything (If they do, they do, I didn’t see the show), but they may when they’re older. And that’s just sad. Because there is no way those parents have time to spend even just fifteen minutes alone with their children every day.
Anyhow, just thought I would weigh on this topic, which has caused such heated debate at Julie’s blog. I’m not looking to start a debate here, but I did want to air my thoughts on the whole matter. More for my own self reflection than anything else. Take from it what you will.
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Melissa 02.25.05 at 9:59 pm
Well, I certainly enjoyed reading your perspective take more than what Julie had to say today. I was actually quite shocked to see her post and the mean-spirited nature of it. I read several infertility blogs and have been struck by the raw emotions, the stress, the pain that you all are going through. What I find inspiring was the absolute belief that all the efforts to have a child are worthy, that you have an absolute right to try to have the family you want, critics and ass-vice givers be damned.
Yeah, the D***** family sounds strange by my standards, but they are building the family that is absolutely right for them, right? I was appalled at the nasty comments on Julie’s blog, especially since I have seen the infertile blogger community activate to defend their own or even to influence proposed legislation, all while carrying the torch for women making their own choices.
As far as the laments about not enough time for each child, well, I don’t know if I agree. I think cultures such as ours, with the norm being 1-3 children per family, tend to think that the parents have the sole responsibility for the children. That’s not really a historical norm o a universal norm. I don’t think it’s unhealthy or detrimental to the older children to be responsible at some level for a sibling. If it was, Western civilization would not have advanced very far.
I guess I sort of hijacked your blog here, sorry. I hope you create the family you want for yourself. Best of luck.
Stacy 03.02.05 at 4:11 pm
For all those who think the D***** family has too many kids…
The D***** family provides for their children… They are all happy, healthy kids, being well brought up.
Did you all notice the part of the show where they said they paid CASH for the home they are building? They don’t believe in debt. That means in spite of feeding 15 mouths for as many years they were able to save up probably a good $200k to buy materials/land for a house without a mortgage. How many of us 2.3 kids families can accomplish that?
I actually admire the family. They know what they are doing. More power to them!
callistawolf (5 comments.) 03.02.05 at 5:26 pm
Oh, I totally get that. And if you noticed, I did mention that they are more than capable of handling the costs themselves and since that is the case, more power to them.
My only issues are personal ones and opinions and have nothing to do with finances.
When it comes to finances, I’m sure they could teach me a thing or two!
Becki (1 comments.) 03.05.05 at 10:49 am
I know I couldn’t have 15 children, even if my body could handle it. The D*****s may not dress or style their hair like I do, but if they can raise all those kids on their own resources, and to be productive citizens, then good for them. I can’t really find it in my heart to criticize them any more than I would anyone else who is taking full responsibility for the way they choose to build and raise a family.
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