So halfway through my two week wait, I’m having to confront myself with some scary thoughts. Could I be pregnant this cycle? Sure, it’s a possibility but I can’t help but think it’s a pretty unlikely possibility. After all, this is only my first round of Clomid and it’s a little much to expect sucess right out of the gate, right? So the chances are that this cycle will indeed be a bust.

But it’s more than that. I will find out the true nature of this cycle on Saturday. That is the pre-determined day I will take a home pregnancy test. Since I am taking progesterone in the two week wait, a pregnancy test is the best (if not only) way to find out if things worked or didn’t. Saturday is March 19. Last year, we know Jackson passed somewhere between the morning of March 18th and the morning of March 23rd. And when he was born, the doctors told us they suspected he’d passed several days earlier. So that’s either the 19th or 20th in my book.

I don’t know if I can handle that. Getting crushing news on the anniversary of the most crushing event in my life. And after this crushing news is delivered, it will be a few more days yet after I start taking the progesterone to when my cycle will begin anew. So in all actuality, I could get my period on March 23rd… one year anniversary of the day Jackson was born.

So, I’m scared. There’s no way around this now. I just have to stick it out. But there’s a pit in the bottom of my stomach whenever I allow myself to think about it. This could be a rough weekend indeed.