Before you think this just sounds like me trying to convince myself, let me just explain: I think all of these reasons are very valid. Call it the “silver lining” if you must. Or examples of how destiny is working itself out in our favor. And lets be honest, I probably *am* trying to convince myself. So without further ado, here are the top reasons why not having a baby right now is a good thing for us:
- H wasn’t ready. We were still hip-deep in potty training issues with him, unfortunately. He’s not 100% perfect in that regard yet but things have gotten a lot better. Last year at this time, we were having nothing but trouble with him. He’s a sensitive kid. Changes affect him big time. When we put him in preschool back in September, he had some potty regression big time that took weeks to sort out. Even his behavior regressed. And that was just preschool. With a baby in the house, we wouldn’t have been as able to look after his needs while he was getting his feet under him. Which leads me to the next reason.
- H will be in school. With H in school when and if a baby arrives, I think he will be better able to deal with the changes. He will have a life outside of our house, new friends and new things going on. A baby would sap up a lot of our attention and having a life other than us, H wouldn’t have as a hard a time adjusting to it all. Plus, with him in school I will be able to attend doctor appointments and whatnot while he’s there and not have to worry about taking him with me. Never much fun for a little boy. Add to that, I could nap while he’s at school (I’m notorious for sleepiness when pregnant) and when the baby was born, that would a good opportunity to bond with the baby, nap, and/or get things done.
- The age difference. For the longest time I would count the months every time I ovulated, mentally figuring H’s age when the baby would be born. I wanted so badly for him to have a sibling who was close in age to him. I wanted him to have that closeness, and that friendship. Each month lost was another month my son was going to grow older without a sibling to keep him company. But I’m coming to terms with that. In fact, I’m starting to see where this age difference could be a *good* thing. For one thing, there will be a lot less competition. My sister and I were 8 years apart and besides her constant tormenting of me, we didn’t really argue or fight. I idolized her, in fact. H would be the awesome older brother and there would be less conflict. H could help teach the baby new things, watch the sibling when he got older and help out a lot more than he could even just a year ago.
- Maybe I wasn’t ready. Oh, I know I thought I was. But maybe I wasn’t. Maybe I just hadn’t truly come to terms with another child living among us. Its no small incidence that we’ve gotten used to being just the three of us. We’re used to functioning as a threesome. We know each others moods and how to deal with one another. It’s comfortable. Add to that is last year as I was nearing the end of my pregnancy, I was feeling anxious at the thought of suddenly having a new baby among us. I knew it would throw our lives into turmoil. Did I want that turmoil? You bet your sweep bippy I did! But I don’t know as if I could have handled it as well then as I can now. I feel I’ve mellowed out a lot about a lot of these issues in the last year.
I could probably go on and on until you were asleep at your computer. The fact of the matter is, things are the way they are for a *reason*. I’m sure of that. This is what’s best for us. God didn’t necessarily want Jack to be taken from us, but he is showing me how things are working out the way they were supposed to. Now, do I know if God wants us to have another baby? I don’t really know. I do feel that he isn’t ready for us to quit trying yet. I’m not ready to quit trying. And when it happens, it will be right.
