So my big doctor appointment was yesterday. I was so hoping I would get some really good reassurance, get an ultrasound, see a heartbeat. No such luck. :dry I forgot, this is *us* we’re talking about. We just don’t have that good of luck. 
I should have known something was up. They didn’t have me pee in a cup, which was a shame because I had a bladder nice and full, ready for it. Then the doc came in and she said she’d been thinking an awful lot about our case. And she’d decided we’d be better off if she referred us to a regular obstetrician (she’s a family practitioner). We’re considered “high-risk” by their standards, what with the stillbirth and me having had two previous c-sections. So I can understand, even if I’m a little disappointed. I love this doctor and this office. Its very convenient for bringing K with me to appointments and they know me there. Plus, I could get all the free ultrasounds I wanted. But, this is probably for the best. Now to hunt down an obstetrician who will take the proper care of us.
I had a brief ultrasound. But it was an abdominal scan on a fairly old machine and that all means that I wasn’t going to get the best picture on this thing. But I had convinced myself I would see a heartbeat. And I didn’t. Plus, the sac measured maybe 7 weeks and by my calculations, I was 8 weeks and 3 days yesterday. So measuring behind and no heartbeat both made me SCARED. But the doctor wasn’t concerned and neither was K until I shared my neuroses with him. I know I should just trust the doctor, but its so hard. I have always figured this pregnancy was a late implantation, and this would confirm that. Plus, my bladder was VERY full and the ultrasound tech mentioned that it was squishing the sac a bit, perhaps making it so we couldn’t get an entirely accurate measurement. No reason to panic, but panic I did.
I won’t feel the slightest bit better until I actually see that beating heart. My history has shown to me, that I need a pretty good ultrasound machine to see the heartbeat this early. Maybe I should have gone in to see the RE last week. Maybe I should make an appointment. We’ll see how things go from here and when I can get an appointment with a new OB.
That’s my drama. And I’m sticking to it.
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