So this weekend, I caught VH1’s 40 Most Awesomely Bad Love Songs on TV. There wasn’t much else to watch and I got sucked in. As you’ll recall, the last time I watched a similarly themed show, I found out, much to my horror, that I have truly awesomely bad taste in music. Of course, that was #1 songs, not love songs so at least I had a little backup. I mean, they couldn’t have got to #1 if many people hadn’t liked them, right?

I am encouraged, however, that I found I didn’t love as many of the awesomely bad songs this time around and that there were some I was very much in agreement on. Particularly the Top 10, except for #9 (”Hold on to the Nights” by Richard Marx). Those songs all suck and I thought so at the time they were popular too. Except “Key Largo” by Bertie Higgins. Thank God, I don’t ever remember that one on the radio. But darnit, who in their right mind puts Chicago on an “awesomely bad” list? That band rocks!

And #16, “I Drove all Night” by Celine Dion… I love the song, but I don’t like her version, so I guess I can agree with that. I really like Cyndi Lauper’s version. And, this may forever out me as a supreme DORK but I was sad to see Backstreet Boy’s “As Long as You Love Me” at #17. I always liked that song. :blush

I do have a bone to pick about #24, Meatloaf’s “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)”. I always hear critics rip on that song because they don’t know what he’s saying he wouldn’t do. Well, doofuses, listen to more the chorus and you’ll know! Here, I’ll put the lyrics to the entire song here (in spoiler tags of course) so you can see, that he quite clearly states what he will not do (I’ll make it easy, I’ll bold those sections). I love that song and Meatloaf rocks!

And I would do anything for love, I’d run right into hell and back
I would do anything for love, I’ll never lie to you and that’s a fact
But I’ll never forget the way you feel right now, oh no, no way
And I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, I won’t do that
Anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, oh I won’t do that

Some days it don’t come easy, and some days it don’t come hard
Some days it don’t come at all, and these are the days that never end
Some nights you’re breathing fire, and some nights you’re carved in ice
Some nights you’re like nothing I’ve ever seen before or will again

Maybe I’m crazy, but it’s crazy and it’s true
I know you can save me, no one else can save me now but you

As long as the planets are turning, as long as the stars are burning
As long as your dreams are coming true, you better believe it

That I would do anything for love, and I’ll be there til the final act
I would do anything for love, and I’ll take a vow and seal a pact

But I’ll never forgive myself if we don’t go all the way tonight
And I would do anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
Oh I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, no I won’t do that

I would do anything for love, anything you’ve been dreaming of
But I just won’t do that
(repeats 3x)

(Solo)

Some days I pray for silence, and somedays I pray for soul
Some days I just pray to the God of Sex and Drums and Rock ‘N Roll
Some nights I lose the feeling, and some nights I lose control
Some nights I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls

Maybe I’m lonely and that’s all I’m qualified to be
There’s just one and only, the one and only promise I can keep

As long as the wheels are turning, as long as the fires are burning
As long as your prayers are coming true, you better believe it

That I would do anything for love, and you know it’s true and that’s a fact
I would do anything for love, and there’ll never be no turning back

But I’ll never do it better than I do it with you, so long, so long
And I would do anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, no no no I won’t do that

I would do anything for love, anything you’ve been dreaming of
But I just won’t do that
(repeats 7x)

But I’ll never stop dreaming of you every night of my life, no way

And I would do anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, no I won’t do that

[Girl:] Will you raise me up, will you help me down?
Will you get me right out of this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?

[Boy:] I can do that! I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life, I’m so sick of black and white?
Can you make it all a little less old?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh, now I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you make me some magic, with your own two hands?
Can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can take home?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?
Will you take me places I’ve never known?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl:] After a while you’ll forget everything
It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night’s fling
And you’ll see that it’s time to move on

[Boy:] I won’t do that! No I won’t do that!

[Girl:] I know the territory, I’ve been around
It’ll all turn to dust and we’ll all fall down
And sooner or later, you’ll be screwing around

[Boy:] I won’t do that! No I won’t do that!

Anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, no I won’t do that

So this goes out as a warning to you all, should you see an “Awesomely Bad” show on VH1 and don’t want the illusion shattered that you have decent taste in music, just change the channel. Then maybe you won’t feel so guilty when you rock out to Bad English or Mr. Big.