So I had my ever-so-wonderful appointment. Thankfully, we both were able to keep it together better than yesterday. And just as I had suspected: “less discomfort” is a giant crock of shit. Let’s just cut the bullshit and say what it really is: PAIN. So here I am, packed with seaweed and gauze, laying in bed with my laptop, watching Dr. Phil and cruising my blogfriends, looking for a laugh and a smile.
OB said I was already starting to bleed a little. That maybe my body was going into this on its own. She mentioned the possibility of us needing to go to the emergency room tonight. Which would of course just make my week because what the heck would we do with our son?? Let’s just hope things hold off till tomorrow morning.
In the meantime, pass the Motrin.
To say that today is unhappy is probably a gross understatement. Before I say anything else, however, I want to thank everyone and their well wishes. That really means a lot to me.
I’ve had some time to digest all this but I’m still rather numb. How am I supposed to know what to think? How am I supposed to even deal with this? I have to say, it just about figures. We’ve had such rotten luck lately, such awful things happen to us. So while we are shocked by what happened at my appointment yesterday, I don’t think we’re too surprised. It just FIGURES.
Today I get to go in again. Of course, on top of everything I’m worried about being able to get out in time to get H from Kindergarten. The big thing they’re going to do is insert what is called a “laminaria“. Basically, a seaweed sort of thing that absorbs moisture and dialates my cervix as naturally and painlessly as possible. HOWEVER, having had cervix’s dialate in the past, either a little or a lot, I have doubts that there is “little discomfort” like they say. I’m prepared to be hating life.
Tomorrow morning is the “d&e“. That doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun either, even though I’ll be under general anesthesia for the procedure (general anesthesia and I are getting to be close buddies). And I imagine afterward, other than pain, I’ll be feeling emptier than I feel even now. I still can’t believe I’m going through this. It’s unreal. It’s unfair.
Then it’s off to my parent’s house for the weekend, as we’d planned months ago. No point in cancelling that now, especially when H is so looking forward to it. Just because we’re miserable and want to hole up with our bottles of liquor doesn’t mean we have to ruin his weekend. So we’re going. But we dont’ expect to enjoy ourselves much.
So that’s what’s going on around here. Wish me luck.
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This is me. I'm a thirtysomething stay at home mom to three kids. For years I was a stay at home mom to one kid and trying very hard to have more. It took a LONG time (ie: 6 1/2 years), but finally Liam arrived and charmed us with his blue eyes and ginormous, round head. Then we got a shock: I was pregnant again and this time it was a GIRL. Our hearts and home are full at last and now that we're done having babies, we get to relax (snort) and watch them grow (not too fast now, you hear?). Thanks for coming by, feel free to dip into my archives, read my About and History pages (just don't do Jackson's Story without tissues!) and make yourself at home.
