Yeah, it’s another post wherein I bitch and moan about our reproductive issues. You should be used to this by now. 
A lot of people seem rather surprised that we are going to try this roller coaster called Conception and Pregnancy again. Whenever I allow myself to think about it, I’m kinda surprised too. I guess this is why I don’t think about it too much. Because if I do, I’m liable to run screaming for the hills.
It’s funny, this time around I’m very confident that I will get pregnant again. After all, two go-round’s with Clomid have turned out sucessfully even if the resulting pregnancies haven’t. I know I will be pregnant again. The question is: Will I get a baby this time? And frankly, that has me scared shitless. It’s going to be 9 months of paralyzing fear. I’m not just being cute, I mean that sincerely. I will be going absolutely apeshit crazy the entire time and you better believe I’ll be blogging at least 90% of that.
Do I expect any “abnormalities” from all these tests they’re putting me through? Nope. Is that foolhardy? Probably. But I believe, perhaps foolishly so, that the stillbirth and the miscarriage are just products of extremely sucky luck. Or, perhaps, my defective thyroid, but I really prefer not to dwell on that possibility too much. So let’s just leave it at luck or lack thereof.
Maybe I’m crazy or stupid or just plain ignorant to want to go through this again. But I have to give it one more try. I can’t give up the dream just yet.
