My son is quite possibly the dearest thing in my life.? I may not mention it enough, but I do hope you all know that is true.? The things he does and says, fills my heart (and more times than not, my eyes) until it’s bursting.? Last night, I was feeling pretty cruddy.? The day had felt like a roller coaster (even if it was one of those kiddie style roller coasters) and I had a headache.? K seemed determined to spend the evening playing Halo and I was most definitely Halo’d out for the day.? So I got ready for bed and watched yesterday’s episode of “All My Children” that I’d DVR’d while we were out.? At one point, I heard H in his room calling for K.? I knew K wouldn’t hear him, with the headset on and all, so I got up, put on a robe and went in to invesitigate.

He was thinking about scary things and having a hard time getting to sleep.? Poor thing has been cursed with his mother’s over-active imagination.? I talked to him about making himself think about happy, funny things instead.? To look at a book to distract himself. Then he was worried because I had told him once that when he got older he wouldn’t want to snuggle with me anymore and he told me, “I’ll *always* want to snuggle with you!”? Very tearfully, I might add.? I hugged him and told him that as long as he wanted to snuggle with me, I’ll always be here to snuggle with him. That seemed to do the trick but he still seemed troubled. When I prodded further, he said, “Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don’t like how I look.”

GAH. :cry

I told him that everyone thinks that about themselves.? I told him I look into the mirror and think I look hideous (of course, in my case it might actually be true).? I’ve never liked how I look.? But that he looks fabulous to me.? In fact, I told him I think he’s the most adorable looking little boy I’ve ever known.? I told him all the features on him that I like.? That I LOVE.? And this seemed to comfort him.

It just broke my heart.? That my little boy is old enough to have these insecurities.? I’m not at all sure where he got this, if he got it from school or whatever.? It’s another sign that he’s growing up.? And if I can help it, I want him to grow up thinking that he is special, that is does “look good”, and that he is loved more than he could possibly imagine (at least until he has children of his own).? In the meantime, I’ll be here to comfort him when his esteem is threatened.