I didn’t post yesterday. :(
That makes me a bad blogger.
I have considered not posting today, in favor of taking a catnap, but that would make me an even worse blogger.
I’m only 34 weeks along.? And change.? Three weeks exactly until this baby is born.? Meaning, three weeks from today, God willing, I’ll have this baby in my arms.? But it’s not like I’m on labor’s doorstep.? Then explain to me why I feel like such crap lately?? It just gets worse and worse every day.
Yesterday, I swear I felt like someone had tied cinder blocks to my limbs (and a couple to my eyelids) and everything hurt.? Sunday, after running some errands I was in such poor shape that I had to put my feet up the rest of the evening just to get the contractions to leave me the freak alone.? Today, I’m not only tired physically (for doing what??) but emotionally.? I’m drained.? And it honestly hurts my brain to try to think anymore right now.
Do you know how frustrating that feels?? And do you know how annoyed I am by the fact that I *know* this sounds very much like whining and complaining?? I certainly don’t want to give off the impression that I’m unhappy that I’m pregnant somehow, or that I’m not grateful every day for each roll and kick my weary uterus receives at the hands of this little one.? Nothing could be further from the truth.? But at the same time I certainly don’t enjoy feeling so damned FEEBLE.
I remember all too well how it was after I broke my ankle.? And I was tied to that bed all day, every day.? I couldn’t get myself a bag of chips to eat, much less do anything productive such as cleaning.? And I feel like, in a way, that I’m back at that stage again.? God, I hated that.? And I hate feeling like I can say “Boo” anymore without having to go take a nap or put my feet up.
Three weeks is a long time.? It’ll pass in the blink of an eye, and for that I am grateful.? But from where I stand, it’s a long time to be feeling this way.? The mere collection of crap that needs to be done (remember the list?) builds up every day it seems and stresses me the heck out.? Everything stresses me the heck out, come to think of it.? My nerves are taut and I feel like I’m walking on a very thin wire here.? The stress builds up, the panic of it becoming almost like a tickle in the back of my throat.? My head pounds and my heart starts to pound uncomfortably.? Taking deep breathes to calm myself suddenly becomes hard to do.? And you know what I say?? UGH.? That’s what I say.? I’m sick of that.
What can I do to just chill the FREAK out already?? Surely there’s got to be some sort of action I can take to just let go of all the stress and be calm, right?? Because as short as three weeks really is, it’s a long time to go on feeling this way.
This is me. I'm a thirtysomething stay at home mom to three kids. For years I was a stay at home mom to one kid and trying very hard to have more. It took a LONG time (ie: 6 1/2 years), but finally Liam arrived and charmed us with his blue eyes and ginormous, round head. Then we got a shock: I was pregnant again and this time it was a GIRL. Our hearts and home are full at last and now that we're done having babies, we get to relax (snort) and watch them grow (not too fast now, you hear?). Thanks for coming by, feel free to dip into my archives, read my About and History pages (just don't do Jackson's Story without tissues!) and make yourself at home.
