Isolation | slackermama . com

We all know, it’s been a long time since I’ve had a baby in the house.? And things are so much more different this time around.? Not just the expected differences between children, but us as people are different.? With Harry we were living in an apartment, Kile made less money and I didn’t even know what a blog was (neither did anyone else, I’d wager).? This time, we have a lot more room to stretch out in, we have more stuff and Harry’s in school… a lot has changed.? But what hasn’t changed is the feelings of isolation that I’d entirely forgotten about.

Having a new baby makes you feel so terribly alone.? And I’m not near as alone this time as I was with Harry.? At least this time I have the excuse of shuttling Harry back and forth to school to get me out of the house on a daily basis.? I’m involved in MOPS and have a lot more friends here in town than I had seven years ago.

I guess I really shouldn’t complain, huh?

Well, all that said, I still have moments where I feel very, very isolated.? I think a lot of that comes from the fact that moms are essentially bound to their infants.? With Harry, I was breastfeeding so I thought that was why the bulk of the responsibility rested on my shoulders.? But this time, with the bottle, I still shoulder the bulk of the baby responsibility.? And I won’t lie, a lot of that is self-inflicted.? Because I spend so much time with Liam, and we’re so atuned to one another, I often can’t help jumping in when Kile struggles with him.

But there are the nights when I’m dealing with Liam by myself and Kile has gone upstairs and is playing on the computer that I start to feel very lonely.? I know it’s a bit much to expect him to sit with me every night, watch all the television with me, help me deal with the baby when he’s been at work all day and needs to blow off his own steam.? But I still feel lonely and yearn for a little bit of adult time at the end of the day.

I hate to think that it sounds like I’m complaining.? I’m so happy every day, I can hardly believe it.? It’s amazing to finally have everything you want.? It’s rather alarming, especially after a long period where it seemed like life was doing whatever it could to bring you down.? So don’t think that I’m not grateful every minute of every day for the precious baby that just loves to sleep in my arms (to the exclusion of sleeping anywhere else, most times!).? Because I am.? I thank God every single day.

But yes, I do feel isolated and I feel alone and I wish for a little me time and I wish for adult time.? But then, at least at this stage in the game, I don’t know if I could fully appreciate some me time/adult time because the entire time I was away, I would be counting the seconds until I could come back to my little cherub.