I’m not handling this well, ya’ll.? Not well at all.? Last night was a nightmare.? I don’t know if its the bronchiolitis or the albuterol that is making him so hoarse, but to hear him cry is like having my heart pulled from my chest and stomped on.? I didn’t get a lot of sleep, but that doesn’t bother me near as much as the thought of him being so sick.? I couldn’t help but wonder what will happen if he doesn’t get much better soon (hospitalization… what if we have to spend Christmas in the hospital?), how are we going to manage traveling to San Jose?? How can I get the cleaning done?? I don’t even want to at this point.? I just want to take care of my sick baby.? Maybe we need to cancel.? I just want him better.? I want him well.? Seeing him hooked up to the nebulizer breaks my heart.? Seeing him deal with it with such grace (for a five month old, that’s saying a lot), breaks it even more.
I dissolved into tears last night. I just don’t know how I’m going to cope with this.? Harry was such a healthy baby.? He’s never been very sick at all.? I just have no tools within me to deal with this.? I have no past experience to prepare me.? I feel so helpless.? Every cough and labored breath tears me up a little more inside.? The doctor said that this bronchiolitis could lead to asthma later on, especially if there’s a family history.? And there is, mostly on Kile’s side.? So I’m worried about that as well.? I don’t know how to deal.? I wonder if there’s something I could have done better to prevent this.? This is killing me.
I don’t want anything for Christmas.? Not a thing. I just want my baby to be better.
This is me. I'm a thirtysomething stay at home mom to three kids. For years I was a stay at home mom to one kid and trying very hard to have more. It took a LONG time (ie: 6 1/2 years), but finally Liam arrived and charmed us with his blue eyes and ginormous, round head. Then we got a shock: I was pregnant again and this time it was a GIRL. Our hearts and home are full at last and now that we're done having babies, we get to relax (snort) and watch them grow (not too fast now, you hear?). Thanks for coming by, feel free to dip into my archives, read my About and History pages (just don't do Jackson's Story without tissues!) and make yourself at home.
