Have you ever noticed that some people have that “it” factor? That certain thing about them that draws other people to them. It might just in person, it might be just online (or, for the lucky few out there, both). And then there are the rest of us who have NO factor whatsoever. And we don’t draw people to us online OR in person. Ever. Some people cultivate this factor as they get older. Maybe they weren’t so cool back in school but now that they’ve grown into adulthood and come into their own, they draw people to them like flies to honey. Or is that bees? Anyhow. Or maybe some people have lost it over time. They were big shots back in school but now tend to be loners and out of the social spotlight.
Me? I never had it. Ever. Never did. And apparently, never will. Which is to say, I don’t really have a hard time making friends. I’m not THAT awkward. But I do tend to be a bit of a homebody and an introvert and without the necessity of daily school sessions, nothing to really put me out into public that often in order to meet anyone. Which is why I’m so happy to have NewFriend and OtherFriend because I know how hard it is to come by friends like that.
But even now, I feel a little awkward and out of place at times. I never feel as if I’m wearing quite the right outfit. I certainly am not doing my hair quite the right way (I never have really known how to). My makeup never looks right and I often will say the wrong thing or be a dork at the wrong moment. And it’s really no different online. Oh, online I can pretend that I look right. I fix my blog up all pretty-like and try to make it look like I know what I’m doing. But no one ever comes up to me and tells me that I look nice (or rather, if we’re sticking with the metaphor, that the blog looks nice) so I think that perhaps I’ve failed yet again to look quite right amidst the “cool kids”. I try to say the right thing, but my readership never grows beyond a few people at a time and I still have more entries without comments than with. So I start to wonder that perhaps I’m not saying the right thing after all and that I am instead being a gigantic dork.
This isn’t a fault with anyone out there in blogland, but instead a symptom of my goofy insecurities. For at the heart of it, all of us who are not “cool kids” are a little insecure about ourselves and our blogs. It comes with the territory and the years of feeling like a giant dork. Maybe the insecurities are keeping the “adoring public” away. Or maybe I just don’t have anything all that interesting to say (which judging from this post could be entirely true). Maybe my external person is showing through to much on my internal person’s blog. Who knows. But after being on this planet for 31+ years now and being used to my lot in life, I think if I were to ever suddenly become a “cool kid”, I’d probably just die of shock. So maybe it’s just better this way.
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This is me. I'm a thirtysomething stay at home mom to three kids. For years I was a stay at home mom to one kid and trying very hard to have more. It took a LONG time (ie: 6 1/2 years), but finally Liam arrived and charmed us with his blue eyes and ginormous, round head. Then we got a shock: I was pregnant again and this time it was a GIRL. Our hearts and home are full at last and now that we're done having babies, we get to relax (snort) and watch them grow (not too fast now, you hear?). Thanks for coming by, feel free to dip into my archives, read my About and History pages (just don't do Jackson's Story without tissues!) and make yourself at home.
