Have you ever noticed that some people have that “it” factor? That certain thing about them that draws other people to them. It might just in person, it might be just online (or, for the lucky few out there, both). And then there are the rest of us who have NO factor whatsoever. And we don’t draw people to us online OR in person. Ever. Some people cultivate this factor as they get older. Maybe they weren’t so cool back in school but now that they’ve grown into adulthood and come into their own, they draw people to them like flies to honey. Or is that bees? Anyhow. Or maybe some people have lost it over time. They were big shots back in school but now tend to be loners and out of the social spotlight.
Me? I never had it. Ever. Never did. And apparently, never will. Which is to say, I don’t really have a hard time making friends. I’m not THAT awkward. But I do tend to be a bit of a homebody and an introvert and without the necessity of daily school sessions, nothing to really put me out into public that often in order to meet anyone. Which is why I’m so happy to have NewFriend and OtherFriend because I know how hard it is to come by friends like that.
But even now, I feel a little awkward and out of place at times. I never feel as if I’m wearing quite the right outfit. I certainly am not doing my hair quite the right way (I never have really known how to). My makeup never looks right and I often will say the wrong thing or be a dork at the wrong moment. And it’s really no different online. Oh, online I can pretend that I look right. I fix my blog up all pretty-like and try to make it look like I know what I’m doing. But no one ever comes up to me and tells me that I look nice (or rather, if we’re sticking with the metaphor, that the blog looks nice) so I think that perhaps I’ve failed yet again to look quite right amidst the “cool kids”. I try to say the right thing, but my readership never grows beyond a few people at a time and I still have more entries without comments than with. So I start to wonder that perhaps I’m not saying the right thing after all and that I am instead being a gigantic dork.
This isn’t a fault with anyone out there in blogland, but instead a symptom of my goofy insecurities. For at the heart of it, all of us who are not “cool kids” are a little insecure about ourselves and our blogs. It comes with the territory and the years of feeling like a giant dork. Maybe the insecurities are keeping the “adoring public” away. Or maybe I just don’t have anything all that interesting to say (which judging from this post could be entirely true). Maybe my external person is showing through to much on my internal person’s blog. Who knows. But after being on this planet for 31+ years now and being used to my lot in life, I think if I were to ever suddenly become a “cool kid”, I’d probably just die of shock. So maybe it’s just better this way.
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jeanie (4 comments.) 05.21.07 at 4:50 pm
Oh Slackermama, I know how you feel about the social cringe at not being or having “it”
The worst moments are those when you think you may have nailed it - and then find you didn’t really, just someone wanted your homework/sister’s phone number/win a bet - okay, they didn’t all really happen but it feels that bad.
I think you are cool - just not always good at leaving comments because I think that I will say something, I don’t know, uncool?
cagey (98 comments.) 05.21.07 at 5:02 pm
Whoa. How did I write a post over HERE?
I’m with you, sistah. Never had It, never will (In fact, The entire premise and tagline of my blog was originally built on my feverishly trying to keep up with Cool Kids. Bah.) One thing that I love about being in my 30s, is that I’ve stopped trying and just try to be happy being me. I LIKE me, dammit.
What kills me is that every single blogger out there tries to pull the “I’m not cool” schtick. Why won’t anyone just admit they were popular in high school? Seriously! Are there really NO homecoming or prom queens out there who blog?
brit (97 comments.) 05.21.07 at 5:07 pm
I’m guessing it will just come to us you know..we’ll be discovered? In the meantime I thinking….middle of the back? at leas we know what blogs are!!
Susan (37 comments.) 05.21.07 at 7:10 pm
Me either, girl. But, just so you know, your blog DOES look mighty cool right now.
Dooneybug (23 comments.) 05.21.07 at 8:06 pm
I read all the time but very rarely comment. Don’t know why, just got into the habit of it I suppose. I’m sorry you are feeling down about not being a “cool kid”. I really don’t mean to be rude or judgmental so please keep that in mind. I think you just have to let this insecurity that you feel go. We all go through moments of wondering why we aren’t getting as many comments or props for our coolness, but it seems you judge your self-worth on what others think of you and that’s so sad. Maybe it turns people off, that they don’t want to be responsible for that. Relax, breath, know that you are a great person, a great mom, and a great writer without needing everyone else’s approval.
Anonymous Blogger 05.22.07 at 10:06 am
Hmm…NewFriend and OtherFriend…wondering who they might be. That is of course, if you’re speaking literally and not figuratively
Tracey (1 comments.) 05.22.07 at 6:49 pm
I frequently ponder this issue.. It’s been a tough gig to keep managing to be happy with who I am, comfortable in my own skin, even when that isn’t necessarily like the majority, or like the supposed ‘cool’ or popular people - whether that be out in “Real Life” or in the blogging world.
I like the ‘less popular’ blogs.. the ones who, like me, would be whooping it up if we reached 10 comments on a post (including our own responses!). Once people start getting 20 comments or more, I usually don’t bother commenting anymore.. I feel I’d be lost in the crowd anyway. And I’m not one for parties, or trying to be “cool”.
Be yourself. That’s more cool than trying to be something you’re not! (And now that I’ve found you via Jeanie, I’ll bookmark you and drop in more often! I’m just another not-cool blogger!)
Marilyn 05.22.07 at 10:03 pm
Jeanie - I would tell you not to be afraid of saying something “uncool” and to leave comments whenever you like, but it might be pointed out I don’t follow my own advice. :blush
cagey - Trust me, I was no homecoming queen.
But they didn’t have those at my school anyhow. 
Brit - and as you know, sitting in the back gives you a better opportunity to heckle those up front. Right? Heh.
Susan - Well thanks. I think it looks nice, but I know the fancy isn’t for everyone.
Dooneybug - Naw, not rude. And I know everything you’ve said is true. For the most part, I am relaxed, but I do have those “uncool” moments anyhow.
Anonymous - Hush, you.
Tracey - Yay! Please do come back. I promise not to be too introspective and whiny.
Nancy (68 comments.) 05.23.07 at 1:10 pm
May I join the “totally not cool” club with you? I think it might be more fun than hanging with the cool kids, because we don’t have to worry about upholding some super-impossible image.
Elyse 05.24.07 at 9:03 am
I read BECAUSE of your dorky sense of humor!
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