In my adult life, I seem to be plagued by a particular condition of friendship. And I’ve finally put my finger on what it is. Even before, when I posted about not being the “cool kid”, I really do think that this was the real issue. (And, for what it’s worth, thanks for all those lovely comments you all left me. I certainly wasn’t “grubbing” for comments, but I was definitely pleased to see the outpouring of support. Let it be known that you all? Rock.) When I was younger, I never had this problem. You’re probably wondering what “this problem” is, aren’t you?
It’s about your “friendship status”. Or rather, my friendship status. When I was in school, I never had a problem with being the “a-list” friend. You know what I’m talking about. The BFF (best friend forever), the first one called on a bad day, the confidant, the accomplice, the one that all your time is spent with. I don’t think I was ever without an “a-list” friend, and I was always their “a-list” friend in return. I never stopped to question what it must be like to be the “b-list” friend. The one who, while definitely residing in the ranks of “best friend”, is generally called after the “a-list” friend. The one you come to second or only if the “a-list” friend isn’t available. And I had plenty of “b-list” friends in my tenure on this planet. Now? I feel bad about not putting them on the “a-list”. I didn’t realize just how isolating you can feel, languishing on the b-list.
Of course, I feel a little silly saying anything at all because friends (be they b-list, a-list or even d-list) are wonderful treasures to behold. And it doesn’t simply refer to real life, but to internet life as well. I love blogging and I love the blogging community. But I don’t feel like I really have any “a-list” friends in the blogging world. Or, correction, no one considers me their “a-list” friend. No one treasures my comments above all others, no one is excited to see or meet me at BlogHer, no one weeps upon meeting me. It sounds so incredibly stupid and selfish to say it aloud, that I would like to have that sort of connection. But it’s the truth. And, unfortunately, it’s nothing you can force so there’s not a lot I can do about it. Other than accept it.
But yes, I see this in my real life too. And, for the most part, I’m fine with being the b-list friend. I understand why, it makes sense. Proximity is a huge factor in situations like this and proximity is definitely not on my side. Impromptu gatherings just aren’t going to happen when I live too far away to walk. I’m also not a very forceful person and tend to wait to be invited or called rather than put myself forward. And as my mom used to love to say (used to?? she still says it), “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” And my wheels are definitely NOT squeaky. Not by a long shot.
I try not to let my feelings be hurt. It’s nothing anyone else has done to me so why would that hurt my feelings? Who knows. Feelings are weird and stupid and if I had any brains at all, I’d just not have any of them. But, whatever. B-list is far, far, far better than NO list, wouldn’t you agree?
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This is me. I'm a thirtysomething stay at home mom to three kids. For years I was a stay at home mom to one kid and trying very hard to have more. It took a LONG time (ie: 6 1/2 years), but finally Liam arrived and charmed us with his blue eyes and ginormous, round head. Then we got a shock: I was pregnant again and this time it was a GIRL. Our hearts and home are full at last and now that we're done having babies, we get to relax (snort) and watch them grow (not too fast now, you hear?). Thanks for coming by, feel free to dip into my archives, read my About and History pages (just don't do Jackson's Story without tissues!) and make yourself at home.
