Today is June 7, 2007. Why is this significant? Because it is exactly one month until Liam’s first birthday. Just typing those words sends a shiver of panic up my spine. I’m not ready. I don’t want him to leave babyhood behind, even though the evidence of him trying his damnedest to do just that is evident every single day. Like today, when he decided to make for the stairs and got up to the third step before I caught up with him. Quick little bugger.
Where is the 4 pound 15 ounce baby that I cradled in my arms that first day in the hospital? He was so small, I thought for sure he would stay small for a long, long time. That because I’d waited and worked so long and hard to have a baby, that I’d get to enjoy babyhood just a little longer than usual. Goofy idea, I know.
Now, he’s just gotten so big. He’s aching to explore and discover this world around him. He still likes the occasional snuggle with mama, but normally he’s straining to be let down from my lap so he can chase after the dogs or explore the dvd player or see what that dog bone over there tastes like. He’s eating finger foods and trying out sippy cups and sleeping through the night.
He’s breaking my heart.
I’m not ready for his first birthday. I’m working on his birthday video, but at the same time, the milestone seems so abstract and unreal. There’s no way that my child could turn one. I love to see him grow and discover but I want to keep him near me at the same time. And every minute he’s growing further away. This would be one of those times when it would be super handy to be able to stop the hands of time.
