Archive for July 1st, 2007

God, what a whiner, huh?

Enough of all that, I’m sure you (yes, you, faithful reader) would come hunt me down and kick my ass if I prattled on any more about my silly, stupid, insecure hangups.  That’s not why we’re all here now, is it?

Today totally doesn’t feel like a Sunday.  Could be because we didn’t go to church for one thing.  But dang, we were out of the house until well after 1am last night.  Being ready to leave the house anytime before 11am was just laughable.  We went to the drive-in, that wonder to all parents out there.  We saw “Live Free or Die Hard” and it was fantastic.  Sure, if you’re looking for deep meaning you’re not going to find it there, but come ON.  It’s DIE HARD.  Lots of shit blew up, Bruce Willis got beaten up within an inch of his life.  It was exactly what I was hoping it would be.  We tried to stay for the double feature, which was “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer”.  It was a little lame, however and I was starting to worry about the battery running down (there were no less than four vehicles around us that needed jump starts about this time) and the boys were both out and we were getting tired.  So it was around 1:30 before we got home and about a half hour after that by the time we got to sleep.  So church?  Not happening.

We did go out in search of baby gate after lunch, however.  And we finally found the gate that I felt was going to be our best bet and Kile wanted to keep shopping.  I wanted to know WHERE.  I’d looked online at several different retailers.  We’d looked at two different Walmarts, Babies R Us and Target and this was our best bet.  So after I bitched at him, he conceded to getting the gate.  Dang straight.  I know we’re on a tight budget this month, what with me going to BlogHer, and Liam’s birthday next weekend, but come on.

It’s been a pretty mellow, mild day and just the sort of day I needed to have.  Sometimes, I just need to stop thinking and just live, you know?

Filed under General Snark |

Yes, I’m still wallowing.  Indulge me.  I still feel pretty bad when I think about all the events, which is pretty often actually.  Believe it or not, this is actually a post that I thought about posting for a while now.  It just happens to coincide nicely with my depressing mood of late.  So if you haven’t had enough of my self-pity or my over-indulgent navel gazing, then read on.  This actually has a lot to do with self image and going to BlogHer (and being nervous about meeting people) and all that.  I know, I know.  Show me a woman without self-image issues and I’ll show you a fish who can ride a bicycle.  Big shock right there, huh?

• I don’t like my nose.  I never have, never will.  It’s too big, too round… there just no way that it’s not unattractive.
• I don’t like how much I weigh.  I have lost quite a bit after Liam’s birth, but I think there’s still a LOT of room to lose more.  I hate being overweight.  I feel like such a fat slob like this.
• I don’t like my big feet.  I’ve always wanted to wear a smaller size, maybe an 8 at the most.  Some women can pull of big feet attractively and I am just not one of those women.
• I don’t like my big bones.  My sister is just about as tall as me and has a much more petite bone structure.  I have wide shoulders, bony arms and legs.  Even if I wasn’t overweight to begin with, I think I’d still be rather large.
• I don’t like being so tall.  This goes along with the feet and bones.  I always have wanted to be shorter, more petite.  It’s easier to blend in and not feel like such a schlub.   I tend to tower over friends and feel like Lurch.   I’ve never been able to “embrace” my height.  Dangit, I’d like to be able to wear high heels with confidence.
• I don’t like my jaw.  I have an underbite, where my bottom jaw juts out as far as my top jaw does.  Think Keira Knightly, but far less cute.  With my facial structure, it makes me look even more goofy.
• I don’t like my lips.  I’ve always had small lips.  They tend to all but disappear at times.  Again, doesn’t help one bit with my facial structure.
• I don’t like my eyebrows.  I don’t know how to pluck them to make them look decent and not like a freak show who has to draw them back on again.
• I don’t like my wardrobe.  I have a pretty poor sense of style and never know what will look good on me.  I have a hard time keeping up with fashion trends.  For most of my twenties, I dressed far older than my age and I really regret that.
• I don’t like how I apply makeup.  Despite having put some form of makeup on since the sixth grade, I’ve never really learned proper technique.  As a result, I don’t tend to put on things like blush or eyeshadow or even lipstick (though that might have more to do with the lip thing than anything else).  Shoot, I don’t even wear foundation most times because I’ve never really learned what works and what doesn’t.  I know I could look a lot better if I just knew how to put on makeup properly.
• I don’t like how impatient I am.  I have a hard time just sitting back and waiting for things.  Shoot, I’ll often read the end of a book in advance because I don’t want to wait to “find out”.  Sometimes, it’s just better to wait and let things play themselves out rather than to try to hurry them along.
• I don’t like how stubborn I am.  When I get an idea in my head, sometimes I doggedly pursue it, for better or for worse.  A lot of times, I don’t stop to think about what the consequences will be and that works to my detriment more often than not.  When I’m like this, I have a hard time listening to reason.  I hate that.
• I don’t like how passive I can be.  I don’t like to be involved in conflict and will go out of my way to avoid it.  Again, often to my detriment.  Sometimes it would be better if I could just speak up when I’m not comfortable.  A lot of times it would be better, actually.  You know what they say about people pleasers.  You can’t please everyone all the time.  Sometimes, you’re just going to piss someone off.

Whew.  I think that’s enough self-flagellating for now.  You get the idea.  There’s an awful lot about myself that I just do not like.

Filed under Seriously |