Yeah, I said I was done with BlogHer, didn’t I? Oops! So sue me. I’ve been noticing a lot of discontent about the conference around the web lately, and it reminds me a lot of the discontent that wafted around after last year’s conference. For the record, I was a lot happier with this years gathering. I felt a lot more comfortable this year, and I felt like I absorbed quite a bit more from the sessions and my fellow bloggers. I had a great time and left exhausted and satisfied. Truly, that’s a good thing, right?
There’s been some discussion about the “swagtroversy.” Since I was at that particular shindig (though I didn’t crash, I was actually invited (I was surprised too)), I felt a connection to the story. And while some of my most favorite bloggers EVAH were involved, I had a hard time seeing too much conflict there. Yes, the party organizers could have handled themselves a little better but they didn’t. And these people, fabulous as they are, weren’t invited. It’s a shame that it had to happen at all, but I can’t fault the people throwing the party too much. But hey, they did get free alcohol, right? Considering I had just the night before paid $11 hard earned dollars for an appletini, I think free alcohol is a pretty good deal, even if you were cut off at the end.
There are also people who have complained about different items in their swag bags. Such as the Butterball turkey pot holder. My thought? BIG DEAL. It was free. You can feel free to see it as a negative statement about your femininity, but I see it as… a free pot holder. SCORE! I don’t do most of the cooking in the house so I gave it to my husband and my seven year old was very excited to have yet another pot holder with which to get hot pans out of the oven with (he won’t even open the oven door without a pot holder, if that tells you anything). I think if someone wants to give me something for free, regardless of whether it’s something I will use or not, I’m going to be grateful. I was literally ecstatic about each and every piece of swag I got and became a total swag whore because it was all FREE. And I loves maself some free stuff. Same goes with the ’swagtroversy” goodies. I wasn’t even expecting any swag from that dinner party and imagine my delight when I saw that I would get to take a little something home! I didn’t poke through it until I got back to my room and was floored at their generosity. I go to BlogHer not really expecting a lot, I guess, and so I’m always over the moon about what I do get. And I think that’s the way it should be. As soon as I start feeling entitled to something, that’s when I’m going to have to take a step back and re-examine my priorities, you know?
There’s also been some rumblings lately about the “high school” issue. Before I go on, let it be known that I think both of these bloggers are fabulous and I love them much. And I don’t think they’re entirely off base. While the cliquishness of it all was a lot more subdued this year, it was there. But when I sit down and really think about it, I know that it’s pretty much unavoidable. I put myself in these womens shoes, the ones who may or may not have been doing the excluding/preening/cliquing. And I think, what would I have done differently had I been there as a more “popular” blogger. Would I have stepped away from my comfortable group and mingled with new and unfamiliar faces? Or would I have counted on “safety in numbers” and instead enjoyed my time with my small group of good friends? I’m an introvert by nature and have a very difficult time stepping outside my comfort zone. I would definitely have been the sort who would want to remain in my little group. Not because I think I’m better than anyone else, but because that is where I feel the most at ease. And so when you take a “popular” blogger who feels pretty much the same way as I do (and a lot of bloggers do, it comes with blogging as a medium), and you add me who isn’t likely to step forward and make introductions, there isn’t going to be a lot of “intermingling” going on. They’re going to stay in their little group and I’m going to stay in mine. And I’m going to make an effort not to feel resentful about it because it is as much my issue as it is theirs. What should they do, just not go? I don’t think that’s a good answer because a conference like this relies on “the more the merrier.” These “popular” bloggers have a lot to contribute to the community and I think they should be encouraged to do so. I’m disappointed there weren’t more of them there, to be honest. I don’t believe I would have had the nerve to step forward and introduce myself but maybe I could have benefited from their knowledge in the various sessions I attended. That would have been worth it, I think.
So all in all, I think no one is ever going to be 100% satisfied with these BlogHer conferences. That’s just far too much to ask of such a large and diverse community. All we can do is enjoy what we are given and what we take away.
{ 7 comments }
Suburban Turmoil (1 comments.) 08.07.07 at 1:01 pm
I agree the swagtroversy wasn’t that big of a deal and I was all for the free alcohol (and I use my little purse organizer every damn day!). And we had no idea it was a dinner party- We understood it was cocktails and friends of invitees were welcome. But it sure made for a good story, didn’t it?
I also agree with your thoughts on BlogHer. Just wrote a post saying much the same thing, which is how I found you.
Valerie (6 comments.) 08.07.07 at 1:12 pm
I agree about the comfort zones. It’s a lot easier to socialize with someone that you’ve met before or at least spent time communicating with prior to BlogHer. One area where I initially felt cheated was the Birds of a Feather luncheon. I was looking forward to being able to connect with some people in a small group, much like I had at breakfast that morning. Only when I went to find my group, I couldn’t. I walked around for 15 minutes looking for the sign and I couldn’t find it. I did encounter one other person (one of the few men at BlogHer) who was also looking for it, so it wasn’t just me that was lost. I realized later that I should have just jumped into a different group that interested me, but at that time, I was still fighting the urge to run back to my hotel and stay there.
Next year will be different!
MammaLoves (1 comments.) 08.07.07 at 1:57 pm
I think you have a terrific point about people’s comfort zones.
Personally, what I love about blogging is the sense of a wide community that develops. Unfortunately, it just didn’t seem to exist as much in real life. It was that I felt personally slighted, more just that I had my bubble burst because the utopia I hoped for wasn’t true (I know, I know, silly woman.)
I have to say there were so many great things about the conference.
Elisa Camahort (1 comments.) 08.07.07 at 2:49 pm
Very wise post
Many years ago I used to do theatre, and there was always this guy I would see around at auditions and shows that I thought was really aloof. He did a lot of shows and was really talented, and I of course assumed the worst. Eventually I was in a show with him, and surprise surprise, he’s just a pretty shy, introverted person. One of my bestest friends now, but yeah, I thought he was a snob for quite some time.
It’s very insightful to note that blogging can be a great outlet for people who are not as comfortable expressing themselves in more public, face-to-face ways too.
Mata wrote this wonderful post on BlogHer about a friend who would ask her “What would you be saying if you loved that person?” And I think we can not only apply that principle to other people, but to ourselves. We so often say crap to ourselves we would NEVER say to a friend. Negative, low-self-esteem crap.
I’m rambling, but just wanted to say i liked this post and your big-heartedness to think about things from other perspectives.
Kimberly (1 comments.) 08.07.07 at 4:35 pm
Wonderful post here. I love your take on it. I was out of my comfort zone for much of the weekend but I just kept plugging away. It was my goal to meet new people and not be a wall flower so I am pretty proud of myself for just hanging in there. My surprise was how utterly exhausting it was trying to be “on” (and nice) all the time and trying to digest all of the new names, faces and information. I kept feeling like I needed a nap!
Her Bad Mother (6 comments.) 08.07.07 at 7:04 pm
Well, I wrote a post about feeling guilty about spending so much time with my close girlfriends (one of whom is leaving the continent soon), and really struggled with whether I should feel like I needed to apologize for that. I don’t claim to be the most popular blogger, but there were ten zillion women that I would havelvoed to hang with (including you, miss thang) and I just couldn’t do it, never mind do it and still find time for my close girlfriends who I rarely see. SO. I appreciate you saying that maybe sometimes people just want to cluster, and it doesn’t mean anything at all about the people they’re not clustering around.
Tho’ I still so wish that there could have been ten of me, so I could have clustered with everybody.
Izzy (4 comments.) 08.10.07 at 8:04 pm
Swagtroversy…lol It’s free stuff. Give it away, throw it away, keep it. Like you, I fail to see the problem. I gave it to my daughter and she thought it was really cool. Little does she know that it’s all a part of mine and Butterball’s master plan to oppress and enslave her under the iron fist of domesticity. Ha! I kid.
But I do think you’re right about safety in numbers and comfort zones and all that. I think all people are like that to some degree.
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