by Marilyn on August 23, 2007
Getting that off my chest this morning really helped. I feel like I have a clearer head about everything and while I’m still stunned beyond all belief (I seriously keep looking at the pregnancy test, you know, just to make sure), I’m feeling better. So much better that guess what I’ve been looking at?
The good news is that there’s very little else I’ll have to worry about buying. Especially if this ends up being a boy (and come on, we all know it will). But dang, these double strollers are expensive. And quite frankly, they’re a little scary looking. Knowing me though, I think it’s something I’m going to have to have. I better start saving my money right now.
(speaking of which, still waiting for my site to go poof as I’m far too poor to actually pay for hosting. GOD HELP ME. so when it does inevitably happen, just trust that I’ll be back as soon as I can.)
by Marilyn on August 23, 2007
The way I see it, this pregnancy is a miracle. I’ve always joked that if we were to happen to get pregnant without taking Clomid, that we would take it as a gift from God, that it was meant to be. All this considered, right now I should be on cloud nine. Cloud nineteen in fact. This is like a dream come true to us, after all.
So why am I having a hard time finding the happy? Wait, let me rephrase that. I know where the happy is. But it’s almost as if I’m unable to fully embrace it. I’m still on an emotional roller coaster, riding the lows more than the highs it would appear. And when I’m not engulfed in waves of sad, then I’m swept away in a sea of stress. And none of these things have anything to do with actually being pregnant. I would love to be able to put everything else aside and just enjoy being pregnant right now. But everytime I feel as if I’m starting to do that, something else comes up and the moment is lost. And instead of thinking up baby names and daydreaming about wee baby outfits, my thoughts have been otherwise occupied by stress, drama and sadness.
So today I’m making a pledge. I’m going to focus on myself and try to steer my thoughts away from this drama and stress that is following me around and turning up like a bad penny. I want to have at least one boy name to consider by the end of the day. And I want to have shopped online for at least one wee baby outfit. Is that too much to ask?
Edited to add: I think some of this could be due to the unexpected nature, but also because pregnancy is full of pitfalls for me anymore. The last time I was pregnant, the first three months were a literal NAILBITER. I’m full of worry about whether or not the baby is going to be okay. Doesn’t help that I’m having a hard time making an appointment with my OB because of difficulties transferring my records from her old office to her new one. I think I’ll feel a little better and definitely more relaxed when I’m finally able to get in and talk to the doctor.
