August 2007

And the weekends are always over so quick.  Sure, I had a moments panic when my husband called Friday afternoon to tell me that his parents would be staying at our house that night.  Not that I mind them, but more that my house isn’t exactly “guest ready”.  Plus, as the afternoon blahs were quickly taking hold, I wondered how I would get everything done in time.  The guest room is also Liam’s bedroom and there were baby clothes separated out into season and size specific piles.  The bed was covered with them.  The half bath and the guest bath (which is also known as Harry’s bathroom and “No Man’s Land”) were both in need of some serious touching up.  One more than the other (I bet you can’t guess which one!).  The living room was strewn with toys and fallout from Liam’s rompings.  The kitchen floor was a nightmare, as we’re out of swiffer pads and of course we don’t own an actual MOP, that would be silly.  How about the dishes piled on the counters and in the sink?  Yeah, definitely not “guest ready”.

There was a limited amount of things I could get done while Liam was awake.  He had been “cooped” up all morning, in a stroller, in the pack n play, napping, in the high chair, in the exersaucer.  He really wanted to roam free.  Which pretty much outlawed vacuuming the living room or doing dishes.  As nothing draws a curious baby faster than an open dishwasher, right?  Anything upstairs was also out of the picture, as you don’t turn your back on a baby that’s running free.  So I figured, if I worked quick I might be able to clean the half bath.  And maybe run a sponge along the banister up the stairs because that thing was looking DIRTY.   I did run upstairs quickly while Liam was distracted by a pile of Cheerios and try to gather up the baby’s clothes as best I could because later on when he was napping, I wouldn’t have access to his room.  I got as much as I could done, and did more after Liam took his afternoon nap.  Kile even came home a little early so that he could chip in.  And good thing, because by then I was completely worn out.

We had a good time with the in-laws and in the end it was “the more the merrier”.  I was glad we got to do something interesting because if they hadn’t been here, we would have been likely cooped up in the house the whole time.  Prisoners of our shrunken bank account and grinding brakes.  So in that respect, we were sad to see them go yesterday afternoon.  All the frantic last minute cleaning (do we do any other kind around here?) and babies sleeping in the closet were worth it to spend time with family.

Snippet from an actual conversation that took place in our house on Saturday night while my in-laws were in town visiting and staying in the nursery/guest room:

Harry: Where is Liam sleeping?
Me: In the closet.
Kile: In his pack n play.
[Harry eyes us dubiously, certain that we're pulling his leg]
Harry: He’s not in his crib, I didn’t see him in his room, where is he?
Kile: He’s in the closet!
Me: He’s in the closet in our bedroom.
[more dubious looks]
Me: Look, do you see the pack n play down here? (where it would normally be set up)
Harry: No…
Kile: He’s in our closet, kiddo.  Trust us.
Harry: I’m going to go check.
Me: Don’t you wake him up…
Kile: If you wake him up, we’ll eat you.
[Harry runs off upstairs and returns a few moments later, a smile on his face]
Me: See?  He was in the closet wasn’t he?  Now get to bed.
Kile: He wasn’t sure if he should believe us.
Me: Maybe we shouldn’t tell him that he used to sleep in the closet when we had company when he was a baby too, huh?

I, for one, credit our ingenuity in thinking up the whole “pack n play in the closet” scenario.  It’s almost like a whole ‘nother room in there, right?  It worked!  Please don’t call CPS.

There is no doubt in my mind. This pregnancy isn’t a result of luck or just mere chance. I do believe this is a gift from God, for whatever reason, and that it’s a miracle. I know not everyone shares my beliefs and that’s fine with me. Doesn’t change what I believe though. But it does make me wonder, why me? It’s hard not to question these things, even when you know you shouldn’t. It’s not for me to know why this has happened, but rather to accept it and do as best I can with the gift I’ve been given. This baby is a gift, a miracle. And ever since I found out I was pregnant, I’ve been trying to reconcile my feelings about it all.

I know so many women who deserve to be pregnant right now. There are ones who would like another. There are ones who would like to be able to stay pregnant (for pete’s sake). There are ones who would be happy with just one, that’s all they ask. There are ones who have been battered by loss and are scared of the journey. Suffice it to say, each of these women (and more) deserve to be in the position I am in right now. Maybe they deserve it more than I do.

We’ve been through quite a bit and for a while, I thought I actually might have belonged to the world of the infertile. I know, it sounds laughable now, doesn’t it? But for so many years after we had Harry, I simply could not get pregnant without Clomid. And believe me when I say, WE TRIED. I was so desperate that I avoided the RE’s office for a year on two separate occasions in the hopes that I could get pregnant on my own. I charted my temperature, I took vitamins, I did everything they say you should do. And in all of that I NEVER once got a positive pregnancy test. Ever. And the RE told me that I wasn’t ovulating on my own. That my thyroid was to blame. I’ve been on thyroid medication, but when we tried for a year after Jackson died I still didn’t get pregnant on my own. So yeah, maybe you can see why I thought maybe I was infertile.

But now I feel a little silly for even thinking that I was infertile. Because, obviously, I’m not. Sure, I doubted it before because you aren’t totally infertile when you can get pregnant on Clomid fairly easily, right? But here, getting pregnant completely out of the blue with pretty much zero effort on our part… No charting, no timing, no thought towards getting pregnant in the least. Does this mean I’m officially kicked out of “the club”?

I think I will always identify more with the people who have had difficulty getting pregnant than the ones who get knocked up at the drop of a hat. It goes without saying that I’ll identify with people who have suffered loss as well. I may not be in the club anymore, but I’ll never forget what that agony was like.

And I’ll always wonder if I’m worthy of this great miracle that has dropped in my lap.

OR A meme that in no way at all did I steal from All & Sundry’s Q&A session

The rules to this meme are simple and easy. Simply fire up your TIVO/DVR and check the listing of what you have recorded there. Copy that listing down without editing out the embarrassing shows you don’t want to admit you watch. If you’d like, also copy down the listing of your “season passes” or what other shows you are set to record or watch or what have you.

My listing only includes movies. Mostly these are movies I’ve recorded during premium movie channel free preview weekends because we are far too cheap to actually subscribe to any of them. Some are recorded during Comedy Central’s “Uncut and Unedited” showings late at night as well. Some I hope to keep on the DVR for, well, ever. Some we’ll watch a few times and delete.

• Click
• Talladega Nights: Ballad of Ricky Bobby
• Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
• Sky High
• Fast Times at Ridgemont High
• An Officer and a Gentleman
• Curious George
• The Paper
• License to Drive
• War of the Worlds
• Walk the Line
• The Dukes of Hazzard
• You’ve Got Mail
• The Lake House
• Madagascar
• Innerspace
• King Kong
• The Life of David Gale
• Planes, Trains and Automobiles
• Napoleon Dynamite
• The Polar Express
• How the Grinch Stole Christmas
• Crimson Tide
• Notting Hill
• Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events
• So I Married an Axe Murderer
• The Mask of Zorro
• The Stepford Wives
• The Green Mile
• Kill Bill Vol. 1
• Kill Bill Vol. 2
• O Brother, Where Art Thou?
• The Sweetest Thing

Whew! I need to actually go through and prune it quite a bit since we are in the midst of a Starz free preview weekend and I don’t want to miss any goodness. Now, as for what we have set to record or autotune (which means the channel will automatically change but it will not record):

• The Universe (autotune) - Harry is way into this right now
• Lost (autotune)
• Oprah Winfrey (autotune) - But I find myself not watching it much anymore.
• News 4 Today (autotune) - So the channel is on the right news when we get up in the morning
• Desperate Housewives (record)
• Deadliest Catch (autotune)
• America’s Funniest Home Videos (autotune) - It’s set to change only for the newest episodes
• Heroes (autotune)
• The Simpsons (autotune) - This is on daily at 6pm in syndication and we’ve been watching it for years
• MLG Pro Circuit (record)
• House (autotune)
• 24 (record)
• How I Met Your Mother (autotune)
• American Idol (autotune)
• Scrubs (autotune)
• 30 Rock (autotune)
• My Name is Earl (autotune)
• The Office (autotune)
• The Amazing Race (autotune)
• Planet Earth (record) - Probably needs to be deleted as the show isn’t on anymore
• Hell’s Kitchen (autotune)
• The 4400 (record)
• Ice Road Truckers (record)
• Big Brother 8 (autotune)

And that is that! If you want to participate, just go ahead. Leave me a comment here so I can so see your answers. Don’t let me down here folks, this is the first time I’ve made a meme (even if it is a stolen one).