December 2007

In an email to a family member of his recently, Kile referred to me as “anti-social” and a large reason why we didn’t have people stay at our house very often.  I believe my reaction when I saw that was something like, “!!!”  But you know, he’s right.  To a degree.  It’s not that I don’t enjoy people.  I do.  I love to have friends and hang out and have fun with them.  Some of the best times in recent years have been spent with friends and family and just having a really good time.  However.  That said, sometimes opening yourself up to other people allows yourself to get hurt as well.  As much you like to think it won’t happen, as much as you try to avoid it (perhaps moreso if you try to avoid it), feelings get hurt.  And you’re lucky if those feelings are just your own.  So you get to a point where you feel like it’s somehow EASIER to just shut yourself up in your home and stay with what you know will be constant.  Here are home, with my family, I know that I won’t have the high highs that we enjoy when with friends, but I won’t have the lows either.  I won’t have to worry about it.

I’ve said before that I will bend over backward to avoid confrontation.  That’s essentially what I do when I get anti-social.  I feel singed or nervous about being singed or worry about singing others so I stay home.

But it’s hard on Kile.  He professes to be anti-social just like me, but he likes to have friends and he likes to be out of “the cave” and he likes to entertain on occasion.  He likes to be able to have people over to the house and cook for them, and play the part of the host.  I don’t enjoy that as much as he does, but I do understand that he enjoys it so I try to stuff my own anti-social nature down and go with it.  As much as I enjoyed just having us here for dinner last night, and how calm it was, I felt bad for Kile because I know he likes to entertain people.

So I wasn’t at all surprised when he invited our next door neighbor and her daughter over for pie and coffee after dinner.  Her husband works in a restaurant that happened to be open on Christmas and he had been gone all day.  Was still gone, actually and they had both spent the day pretty much alone.  It’s pretty much a no-brainer, right?  No one should have to sit alone on Christmas.  Kile tried as he might to invite them for dinner, but she demurred.  They did show up for coffee and pie and her daughter proceeded to frustrate Harry by wanting to play “Finding Nemo” on the Xbox instead of “Spider-man 2″, but they played pretty well while we sipped coffee, ate pie and chatted.  We even used our fancy china coffee pot and coffee cups (with saucers!).  And Kile insisted on filling her up a plate full of pie, fudge and cookies to take home for her husband when he finally did get off work.

You know, I’m proud of him.  He’s got such a good heart.  I don’t have near the social skills he does and sometimes his generosity and giving nature just humbles me.  And yes, I do wish he had more opportunity to show others that good nature of his.  Hopefully someday.

It’s funny isn’t it?  We grow up celebrating the holidays one very specific way.  And then we become adults and get married to someone who may or may not have grown up celebrating the holidays in a completely different way.  And we’re expected to just merge our traditions seamlessly and without any complaint.

Yeah. Right.

I grew up with my parents and four other siblings in California.  We didn’t have a lot of extended family close by.  There were some cousins who we may get together with either before or after the holiday for a little get-together but for the most part, Christmas was just us.  My family moved to California from the midwest in the early 70’s, just before I was born.  Since my older siblings were used to spending Christmas with the extended family out in Michigan, my parents felt an urge to make the holiday as special as possible.  So they started a tradition where on Christmas Eve, we would all get dressed up and go out to a late lunch/early dinner at some place that we might not otherwise go to during the rest of the year.  This was always memorable and I can still vividly remember some of the restaurants we ate at on Christmas Eve.  Afterward, we would go to church (I was raised Catholic and Christmas Eve service is just about the most beautiful Mass you could imagine).  On the way home, we would look at Christmas lights and then once home, snack on cookies and fudge and open a gift or two before heading off to bed.  We would open everything else, Santa gifts included, the next morning as soon as everyone was awake.  Then mom would spend the day fixing the dinner which always rivaled Thanksgiving dinner while my dad and brothers would watch football.  Voila.  That, to me, was Christmas.

The first Christmas I was married was the worst one I’d ever had; at least up until that point.  It was about as different from my Christmas as I knew it as you could get. I was used to Christmas Eve being all about the anticipation.  I got to where I counted on it.  Only, that first Christmas away from my parents house I didn’t really realize that.  You know the old saying, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.  I had high hopes about spending Christmas in Elko that year.  I was actually kind of excited to try something new.  But the fates conspired against us.  Kile and I both were working at the university (I was taking classes still to finish up my degree) and he had yet to start what is the job he has now.  He was set to start shortly before New Years, but for the time being, was still an hourly employee over at the library.  So we both had to work on Christmas Eve.  Being hourly employees, we needed all the money we could get and there weren’t really any “days off”.  We were taking enough days off as it was to go to Elko.  We had just moved into a new two bedroom apartment and I was wanting to try to have a baby.  We needed the money.  So we let for Elko around 3pm on Christmas Eve.

NEVER AGAIN.

I will never again travel anywhere on Christmas Eve.  That year, it completely ruined my holiday. By the time we got to Elko, the day was nearly over.  There was no lunch out, no Christmas Eve Mass, and his family had the tradition of opening all their gifts on Christmas Eve.  Within a couple hours, all the presents were opened and as far as I was concerned, Christmas was over.  The next morning, I woke up feeling distinctly disappointed.  There was a nice dinner that afternoon, but not like what my mom would have made at home.  I found myself incredibly homesick and feeling very sorry for myself.

I’ve loosened up a lot since then.  However, the times we have spent Christmas in Elko since we have insisted on opening the majority of our gifts the next morning.  I’m lucky that Kile feels the way I do, that the anticipation of Christmas morning should be upheld.  As long as you get a present or two the night before, that is. Doing something different isn’t as tragic now as it was then.  But then, I’m used to it by now and I’ve matured as well.  That first year away from your family can be a huge adjustment.

Though it could be easy for me to say.  We’ve adopted more of my family’s Christmas traditions than his.  For instance, last night we went out to an early dinner before heading to a candlelight Christmas service at church.  On the way home, we gawped at Christmas lights before snacking on goodies and watching the boys open a present or two.  But we had a great time, the boys had a great time and that’s what matters, right?

So how do you feel about your Christmas traditions?

Christmas cookies, as decorated by Harry

The boys show off their matching Christmas jammies before bed on Christmas eve

Santa came!

Liam prepares for his future as a hard core rockstar

It’s a toss-up as to which he liked more, the bike or the Spider-man 3 game

The state of my living room after the tornado passed.

Did I tell you we decided to change Pup’s name?  Yep.  We did.  But come on… “Poptart”?  Seriously?  And then, a couple weeks ago, we were listening to the “All Christmas, All the Time” radio station when the song “Mistletoe and Holly” came on.  You know the one:

Oh by gosh, by golly, it’s time for mistletoe and holly,
Tasty pheasants, Christmas presents,
Countrysides covered with snow.
Oh by gosh, by jingle,
It’s time for carols and Kris Kringle.

Do I need to point out that Beetoe’s given name was “Mistletoe”?  SERIOUSLY.  We needed to name this pup “Holly” and that was that.  Even Harry agreed and seeing as how she’s his dog (technically), he got final say.  He was all for changing her name to Holly.  And it’s not like we’re not going to just keep on calling her Pup.  I mean, the name is stuck by now.  Besides, our pets never retain their given names.  Our first pet, a cat we got while still in college, was named Cheyenne.  Nice, huh?  Yeah, we never called him that.  He was Stinky.  Still is (we don’t have him any longer, my friend does).   Anyhow.  So yeah.  The Pup is now named Holly.  So we have Mistletoe and Holly.  Cute?  I totally think so.  And it doubly works as Pup was born in December and we acquired Beetoe at Christmastime so there.  It was meant to be.

Anyhow.  What I really want to say was Merry Christmas to everyone.  I hope everyone is off right now enjoying their families and feeling the spirit of the season.  And that no one is like my brother who is currently stuck on the tarmac in Minneapolis, hoping his plane takes off in time for him to make his connecting flight to San Jose in Denver.  Which, you know, it totally won’t.  Gah.  I think I’ll go give thanks right now that we’re staying put for the holidays.

An early Merry Christmas to everyone out there.  I should be continuing to blog over the holidays, but I know there are people out of town and taking computer holidays so to those of you I wish: May Santa grant your every wish.  And without further ado, here are the posts for this week.  Some fantastic reads in here!

• “IKEA Jones and the Big Boy Bed of Doom” from Amalah.   Anyone who has a child over the age of three can relate to this one.  Buying your baby their first bed.  It’s a nerve-wracking experience for everyone.  A change for the child and “will they actually sleep in it?” anxiety for mom and dad.  But I have to say: This is one freakin’ cool bed.
• “She’s here!” from What’re you lookin’ at?  YAY!  The post I’ve waited a LONG time to read, Frema’s baby is finally here!  And she’s a big one too!  Though, looking back at the size of poor Frema’s belly, it should come as no surprise.  And I guess it should come as no surprise that that baby was WAY too big to be born the conventional way.  Here’s hoping Frema has a speedy recovery.  I can’t wait to hear how the new family is doing!
• “Unrequieted” from All & Sundry.  This posts makes my heart ache for poor Linda.  I understand where she’s coming from.  My oldest is a daddy’s boy and the second one is shaping up to be much the same.  Oh, they like me well enough, but Papa is aces around here.  He’s the fun guy.  Considering all we do for these little beggars, you think they could be bothered to toss some affection our way, right?
• “I can’t respond to any emails today” from I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?  HA!  That’s all I have to say about that.
• “THIS is Christmas” from Absolutely Bananas.  It can be hard to find the real meaning in the season with all the stress and crowds and everything.  But when you do find it, sometimes in the most unlikely of places, you hold onto it.  That’s what makes it all worthwhile.
• “Survivor: New House Island” from Her Bad Mother.  Moving into a new house is hard.  Moving during Christmas-time is harder.  Moving during Christmas-time, in a snow storm is the hardest.  I can’t even fathom the stress.
• “If it were easy, it wouldn’t be called ‘toddler’” from sweet | salty.  I thought this post was awesome.  I’m not as brave to teach a toddler how to ski but reading her account and looking at the pictures makes me want to make the attempt.
• “It’s beginning to look a lot like a nervous breakdown” from Rockstar Mommy.  It’s amazing how children so often don’t see what we do do for them and instead focus on what we don’t do.  They’re lucky we love them, is all I can say.
• “Airplanes, revisited” from Lag Liv. This is a follow-up to her rant against reclining airplane seats.  I’m glad she stuck to her guns on this one and I’m with her all the way.  This is a HUGE pet peeve I have about flying anymore.   Next time: First Class all the way, baby!
• “Aquanet” from Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper.  I am SO. FREAKIN’.  JEALOUS.  She got to go see Trans Siberian Orchestra in concert, something I’ve been really wanting to do.  I swear, next year if they come to town I’m going.  No one can stop me.
• “Now what?” from Dad Gone Mad.  This is the best post I’ve seen so far about the whole Jamie Lynn Spears debacle.  I agree with him completely on all points.  How about you?
• “Is there a mathematical equation for this?” from hola, isabel.  A very good post that takes a hard look at the questions surrounding having more children and when is the best time to take the plunge.  The answer?  There is no “best time” and there is no “perfect number”.  Makes it a bit harder, doesn’t it?

Well folks, that’s all I have for you today.  Hopefully, I’ll have a good edition of YNTR for you next Saturday (I may or may not be going to Elko that day).  I know there won’t be as many posts to choose from though so it may be a rather spare edition.  In the meantime, have a Merry Christmas and enjoy your families!