Nervous Nerves — slackermama . com

I know I said on Friday that the perinatologist appointment went very well and that I felt very optimistic about the pregnancy. Still, ever since, I’ve felt very nervous. Where normally, I wouldn’t obsess too much over the kick counts and such, I’ve been extra aware of every little movement. I’m afraid of so many things. I feel like I have the finish line in sight and am terrified that I’ll get tripped up before I get there.

Each time she lays in there without moving, I find myself doing whatever I can to provoke movement. Every time I feel something akin to a contraction (albeit Braxton Hicks), I worry about pre-term labor.

The thing is, there is no good reason to believe that this baby won’t be born just fine here in roughly six to seven weeks. The baby is being monitored, a lot closer than she would have been in a “normal” pregnancy. If there were anything to really worry about, I would know about it. I keep trying to remind myself that a lot of women get pregnant and actually have a healthy baby in their arms at the end of the pregnancy so why shouldn’t I? I’ll admit, the whole antibody thing isn’t helping matters. Sometimes I wonder if it’s entirely fair that I have to have SOMETHING to worry about. Why couldn’t I have a run-of-the-mill pregnancy?

We went grocery shopping yesterday and I completely wore myself out. I need to stop doing that, but it’s so hard to find that fine line. A lot of times, I can’t tell I’ve overdone it until hours afterward when the Braxton Hicks start up. Plus, I am so happy to just GET OUT OF THE HOUSE for a change that I struggle to get as much accomplished as I can. Which means a lot of running around. Today will probably be little different, but instead of one big shopping trip there will be a lot of littler trips so there will be more opportunity for resting throughout the day. I get nervous, though, when instead of a Braxton Hicks I get a full on menstrual-type cramp. It always goes away as soon as I sit and rest for a few minutes but still. I am only 31 weeks here. We don’t want the little angel showing up too early, you know?

Day by day. That’s what I keep telling myself. Day by day, kick by kick. I made her a blanket yesterday, something I’ve been meaning to do for months now and yesterday seemed like the best day to get it done. It’s one of those “no-sew” fleece blankets. I made one for Liam at MOPS several months ago. This one is a bit bigger (and happens to match the pajamas I’m wearing at the moment quite nicely) and covers my lap as I sit in the recliner quite well. I’m hoping to use it as a lap blanket for the next several weeks, get my scent all over it before the baby is born. Maybe she’ll eventually identify it as a source of comfort. I’m hoping it’s something she’ll treasure for years to come. If she won’t, then I will because it’s damn cozy.

^{It’s Ariel! The backing is light green, to match her fin, believe it or not.}