I think, no, I am convinced that no one will show up to my baby shower this Saturday. Do I have a valid reason to believe this? Not really. I do this every time I have something planned, particularly if it’s something I’m really looking forward to. Which is, yeah, just about everything I’ve ever had planned. And you saw my post about disappointment right? That’s what happens when something I’m looking forward to goes bad. I don’t like feeling that way so I’m pretty much always paranoid getting disappointed. Still with me here?
Even though this baby shower isn’t my baby (I didn’t lovingly order the invitations, send them out or open my house), it still directly involves me. And whenever I throw a party, I worry that I will be left holding the bag. This time, I have no idea who (if anyone) has RSVP’d. And in my history, an RSVP doesn’t necessarily mean that person will be there. You gotta wait for the night-before-phone-call or the 1-hour-before-phone-call to know for sure. But what difference does that make? Because I’m not in control of that. So therefore I’m convinced I will show up on Saturday afternoon, my hopes all up and everything, and it will be me and the poor hostess by our own selves. Maybe (just maybe) one other person will show up and immediately wish she hadn’t when she sees how pathetic the whole thing is.
I’d like to think that worrying about it will remove the potential power of this disappointment, as the old saying goes, “What you worry about it is never what will happen.” Or something like that. All I know is that’s what my mom used to say all the time when I was a kid and went into one of my worry spirals. But I have specific instances in the recent past that I can point to where indeed, the one thing I really worried about actually happened. Losing Jackson. Yes, I worried about stillbirth specifically during that pregnancy. And it happened.
It’s goofy, I know, to worry about this. But I can’t help but think that people will be annoyed to be invited to a shower for a third/fourth baby, will think I’m grubbing for gifts, think they just plain have something better to do… Gah. So yeah. There you have it. A glimpse in at the paranoid mess that is me. Aren’t I fabulous? (See, I know you’re all thinking right this minute, “Man, is she ever pathetic. If I were invited, I DEFINITELY wouldn’t show up.” And would I blame you? Nope. Not one bit.)
{ 4 comments }
Susan (2 comments.) 02.21.08 at 4:58 pm
Aww, I’m sure your friends will turn out. You deserve a shower for your little girl, and I’m hoping you get lots of fabulous non-blue items for the little princess! Oh, and I would SO show up if I were on your guest list.
Susan’s last blog post..One week to B-Day.
Not the Mama (19 comments.) 02.21.08 at 6:21 pm
If I lived near you, I would so totally be there. And I would make a pretty present for Evie, like a hand-knit blanket or hat/sweater set. Third/fourth babies totally deserve a shower.
I totally understand your fears, but I’m sure that there will be tons of people at the party and that you will all have a wonderful time. I can’t wait to hear all the juicy details!
Not the Mama’s last blog post..Sometimes You Don’t Deserve Three Strikes
Michele (25 comments.) 02.22.08 at 8:38 am
I understand your fears completely. I guess the only advice I have is to just focus on having fun, no matter if there are just 2 people or 200 people.
I would love to go to your baby shower. There’s something about cute little girl clothes that make me all goo-goo-ga-ga.
Shawna (49 comments.) 02.22.08 at 9:57 am
Can I just say how jealous I am that you’re having a shower? My friends are not the “organizer” type and many of them do not know the others, so it’s not like I have a regular “gang” of friends that would seize upon a shower as an excuse to see each other.
I hate to admit it, but I had to drop some very strong (as in, really-can’t-miss-them) hints to a few key people just to get a shower for my first child. (Darn it, after years of going to showers I wanted to have one of my own! Plus I wanted a chance to actually see people before I shut myself away with a new baby mid-winter.) I think it’s a safe bet to say that I won’t be having any showers this second time ’round, though I might get a couple of one-off and much-appreciated gifts from a few generous friends and coworkers.
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