It’s all about the dates | slackermama . com

I didn’t plan this pregnancy. That sounds weird to me, even to type. For someone who struggled and plan and popped pills and obsessed and wrung her hands for months on end in order to get pregnant, an unplanned pregnancy almost seems like some sort of cosmic joke. Or miracle, depending on your point of view. The point is: if I had planned it, I don’t know if I would have wanted to get pregnant when I did.

I cringe, even now, reading what I just wrote. I did reach a point, in our journey towards a baby, where I didn’t care when and how it happened, just as long as it happened. But after Liam came into our lives, the urgency was off. We knew we wanted a third, three was our magic number, but the timing was still very much up in the air. Perhaps we’d look into trying again come the fall of 2007. But no pressure this time. We were looking forward to having the pressure off. But it turns out I needn’t have worried because it happened all on it’s own. Crazy, huh? INSANE. Unreal.

Then I did the math. I saw the doctor and got a due date. The math held. This baby would be due in early April of 2008. Jackson was due April 4, 2004. This baby would be due April 8. Four days difference didn’t feel like much difference at all. At least, it wasn’t enough difference. Too much the same. Too much to compare to. Too many memories. I mean, it was a given that I would worry. Pregnancy equals worry to me these days and it has nothing to do with similar dates. But would the worry be more?

Then there’s the whole matter of c-section dates. Back when I pregnant with Jackson, I had no “history”. Scheduled c-sections were routinely planned to take place at 39 weeks. Jackson’s c-section was scheduled for March 29th. But back with Liam, I had a “history” so my c-section was scheduled for earlier. I was assured this time around that my c-section would be take place around 38 weeks. Hmm. That puts us around some rather precarious dates. March 23rd: The date Jackson was born still to us. March 31st: The date Jackson was buried. I had to tell myself that it would be okay, as long as this baby wasn’t born on either of those two dates. But then… 38 weeks falls on March 25th for me. Which would mean being pregnant over That Date. In those nerve-wracking last days of pregnancy, did I feel up to that stress? Not particularly.

That’s when the perinatologist stepped up and suggested a c-section date between 37 and 38 weeks. I had March 21st stuck in my head for some reason, but the date ended up being March 20th. That’s fine. The earlier, the better as far as my sanity is concerned. There is still some precarious timing there. My last appointment with Jackson was March 18. Everything was fine then. I’m not sure what day I last felt movement. I was having so many Braxton Hicks and I was busy… I just honestly have no idea. March 20th was a Saturday that year, we made a point to have fun together as a family that day. I started having actual contractions Monday afternoon, the 22nd. When he was born, the doctors suspected he had passed two or three days prior. A little subtraction and March 20th is looking like a pretty likely candidate.

But you know what? I can’t worry about that anymore. I just can’t. For one thing, March 20th in 2004 saw me being 37 weeks, 6 days along. This year I will be 37 weeks, 2 days. That’s a difference. And so what? It’s about redemption, right? It doesn’t get much more redeeming to welcome a new soul into the world on the exact day another departed, right?

It’s been hard. But we’re almost there. Just hold on a little while longer, wee one.

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