Okay, I’m home from my “NST” and let me tell you, I’m about ready to murder someone.  This isn’t an easy week to be doing these appointments.  Harry is home on spring break, I’m not feeling good, Kile is BEYOND busy at work… but whatever.  We made it work this morning.  I picked up Kile and we all schlepped over to the doctor’s office.  Only to find out once we got there that my doctor was out today.  Now, I’m thinking, BIG DEAL.  When I was pregnant with Liam, she was with a different practice but I think she was there for maybe one or two of Liam’s NST’s.  The whole thing is mostly done by a nurse anyhow and a doctor just checks in at the end and makes sure everything looks good.  Doesn’t have to be YOUR doctor, just any doctor will do.  I can even remember one time we showed up only to find out my appointment had been an hour earlier.  But never fear, they just sent me over to the hospital to have it done there.  But today? With THESE people?  Oh no.  That wasn’t going to work.  Can you come back tomorrow?  “No,” I muttered through gritted teeth.  Friday?  “Not good either.”  Well, it’s important that you get monitored, I don’t think your doctor would like you going so long without your NST.  YA THINK??

In the end, they rescheduled me for Friday morning at 10 am.  I took the appointment card with my teeth still gritted and the lot of us trooped out of the office and all the way back to the van.  And that’s when the tears started.  They haven’t stopped yet.  I’m SO ANGRY.  I don’t want to go in on Friday.  I told Kile that I wasn’t going to go.  He said I had to.  I said that I didn’t.  I’m mad.  I’m so mad that I can’t even remember the last time I’ve been this mad.

Let’s look at some facts, shall we?  I’m in my third trimester here.  I’m a big ol’ walking hormone.  I’m probably about as unstable as it gets, emotional-wise. I’m also a planner.  I don’t like surprises.  So you take a hormonal, pregnant, planner and you change things up on her?  NOT GOING TO GO WELL.  It just completely goes against my nature.  It’s like asking me to break my own arm.  I’d rather die first.  Also, I have an unpleasant history involving a horrible loss at, oh, about the same gestational age and, oh, about the same time of year.  Putting off, even for a day, hooking me up and letting me hear that heartbeat is akin to peeling the skin from my body while I’m still alive.  I would have vastly preferred if they had just hooked me up for the NST and then had me come back on Friday to go over things and get an exam from my doctor.  Because then I could have listened to the heartbeat and KNOWN that it was all okay.  Sure, I feel her kicking in there even as I type this, but nothing is quite as soothing as listening to her heartbeat.  Now, I have to wait.  And I’m half tempted to just go into the hospital and have them hook me up there to listen rather than step foot in that office again.

Have I mentioned how angry I am??

I DO NOT want to go to this appointment on Friday.  I feel I’ll have no choice, especially if Kile has anything to say about it.  But it was already an enormous imposition for him to leave work this morning for that pointless interlude, but to ask him to do it again? Any other week would be easier but THIS WEEK is NOT.  Everyone at his job is already on edge anyhow without giving them something to harp at him about (i.e. taking off from work).

What would you guys do?  I’m sure you’ll tell me to just suck it up and go to the appointment on Friday.  Just like I’m pretty sure that after I settle down and take a nap here in a bit that I’ll feel better and know that’s the right thing to do too.  But still.  Tell me, wouldn’t you be angry too?