Unrecognizable — slackermama . com

I hate to say it, friends, but my life is virtually unrecognizable these days. That’s not necessarily a bad thing either. (Okay, so why do I “hate to say it” then? GAH, you make no sense, woman.) Four years ago, it felt like our luck was nothing but bad. That if there was a divergence along a path, that we would automatically be sent down the thorny, brackish path instead of the clear, bright, happy path. We seriously got to the point where we just expected to have rotten luck.

Good luck was always something that happened to other people. We would be eating out (often at Mimi’s, because a) their french onion soup rocks and b) everything else they make rocks too), and see a family sit down at a nearby table. They would have several children in tow, a baby in a high chair, a rowdy toddler… I would have a hard time taking my eyes off of them. Wondering what it would be like to be them. Wondering if they knew just how lucky they really were.

So it’s strange to find myself on that side of the divide now. We’re now the ones at Mimi’s (triple berry stuffed french toast rocks my world) with our 8 year old, rowdy toddler and baby in tow. We feel eyes in the restaurant follow us as we are led to our seats, watching us as we get the kids situated and read over our menus. And I think, “So this is what it’s like. I do know how lucky I am. This feels so weird.”

I have a hard time still, thinking of ourselves in these terms. I may say “two under two” a lot, but I think that’s more to convince myself than anything else. Is this really who I am now? Do I really have THREE children? Two of whom are so young that they’re both considered babies? I feel like we’ve gone from famine to feast and while, at the time, it felt like that transition came about awfully slowly, it now feels as if it all happened overnight.

Four years ago I was sitting in our rental house, trying to pick up the pieces of my heart and wondering if in fact we would be moving into our first house in a couple months time. After all, that might resemble good luck and lord knows we didn’t have that. Now, here I sit in our house, my oldest son waiting to walk to the bus in 15 minutes, my youngest son sitting in the pack n’ play with a sippy cup of milk and playing with a board book and my newborn baby taking a catnap on my chest after having breakfast at my expense. It’s surreal.

If you had told me then that this is what my life would be like now, I would never have believed you.

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