2008 April 17 — slackermama . com

So Elisa and the fabulous women at BlogHer have just published the preliminary schedule for this year’s conference. Of course, I had to go take a look right away because I’m a superfan that way. In case you weren’t aware, this year’s BlogHer conference is taking place July 18-20 in San Francisco. If that weren’t cool enough (I grew up in the Bay Area. Believe me, it’s cool), the agenda for the two days is already blowing my freakin’ mind. And it’s not 100% completed yet! Not for the first time, I find myself wishing for an a la carte system with the sessions. But I’m thinking this year I’d STILL have trouble fitting in everything I want to see and do.

First off, I’m speaking. Woot! Self-conscious introverts REPRESENT! And, GAH, it’s the first session of the first day. Nothing like tossing the self-conscious introverts into the deep end first thing, eh ELISA? Anyhow, the good news about that is that I’ll “get it over with” and will be able to enjoy the rest of the conference, nervous flop sweat-free. The bad news is that my session is scheduled opposite this mommy blogging session and I’m in agony because I WANT TO GO. Lindsay from Suburban Turmoil is going to moderate because of her recent (awesome) post. I love that post. I will have to miss this session. I AM VERY SAD.

But my sadness does not end there because this year’s conference is literally FULL of sessions I want to go to. I’m not even kidding, people. Shoot, just take a look at the last session of the last day. There is this one which pretty much guarantees to be awesome (as it is every year), this one which I have a deep-seated interest in as I’ve wanted to be a published author for pretty much my whole life, this one which has some cool speakers and is a pretty awesome topic and then this one which pretty much sums up the first couple of years of my blogging life and I have a serious heart for this topic. What the HECK am I going to do?? Can someone just videotape all the sessions so I can go back and watch the ones I missed? Kthxbai.

Seriously, I am beyond excited about it. I’m a little nervous about transportation as I will be staying with my parents in San Jose and this equates to a GHASTLY commute up the peninsula every morning in time so that I don’t miss anything (including my own session). I will basically need to be up at 3:00am every day. And I am 99% sure that Evie will be coming with me (we girls gotta stick together). Though Kile is wondering about getting a room at the Westin for Friday night and we stay up there with Liam and Evie while Harry stays behind in the ‘Ho with my parents. Decisions, decisions.

At any rate. Are you going? If you are, do let me know, so we can spaz out and get excited together and maybe hook up at the welcome breakfast so we’re not sitting all by ourselves. Deal?

Get the word out:

Nights are a fog these days. Moments strung together, blurred together, in an unending stream until the light from behind the blinds starts to lighten. She wants to eat, but she can’t seem to get a latch. We’re laying down, that’s the problem. It would seem then, that there’s an easy solution. But I don’t want to sit up. I want to sleep.

I swear, I’m getting less sleep every night. This morning, as Kile took his shower, it seemed that Evie had finally drifted off. But as he was getting dried off and dressed, she stirred again. And, God help me, I couldn’t seem to bring myself to care. She cried and I just closed my eyes, indulging in the respite.

Her cry doesn’t seem to affect me like Liam’s did and does. His was somehow more sympathetic. Does that even make sense? I couldn’t stand to hear Liam cry. He always sounded so pathetic and helpless. I don’t have that same feeling about Evie’s cries. In fact, after a long night of struggling, her cries barely even penetrate my consciousness.

I should feel guilty, I think. But I don’t.

I do love her. Of course I do. But I’m also so tired. And I’m desensitized. The days are long and not always easy. Liam had a rough day yesterday and it would appear he’s geared up for another rough day today. He wants what I can’t give him right now, cuddles on my lap and time and patience. I’m definitely low on patience. Yesterday, he was as bad as he’s ever been, and had a few temper fits. He even threw things at Harry, unprovoked. That earned him some time in the pack n’ play. Kile didn’t know what to do with him. I had my hands full with a baby that doesn’t ever seem to want to stop nursing.

And now, Kile is at work. Harry is at school. Evie is finally sleeping, but for how long? Liam needs some breakfast and to be let out of the pack n’ play. The day stretches before me. And I think, I haven’t had near enough coffee for this.