I don’t know if you knew, but I’m going to be at BlogHer this summer. Yeah, I may have mentioned it once or twice. I’m excited about it. I’m going to get to see some old friends and hopefully, some new ones. And all the even NEWER friends I might meet! The possibilities are endless and truly one of my favorite things about going to BlogHer is discovering new blogs and meeting new people. It’s a lot like summer camp that way, I guess (not that I’ve ever actually been to summer camp). Even though we’re going to be staying with my parents down in San Jose that weekend, we have actually reserved a hotel room at the Westin for Friday night, so I’ll only have to worry about commuting up from San Jose on Friday morning instead of both mornings (which was really stressing me out). That’ll be fun too, even though we’ll have two little kids with us.
Yeah, Evie will be hitching a ride with me for the duration of the conference. I’m guessing that even though she will be pushing four months, she’ll still be a perpetual “nurse me/hold me” baby. As for Liam, he will either camp out in childcare or sightsee around S.F. with Kile. Having both the kids with us means we can’t really go to the cocktail party. Either Friday OR Saturday (but especially Friday, when the party is at a nightclub). So it would seem we’ll be making our own fun instead. And you know? That’s cool. I’m just so happy that I’m going to be there PERIOD, that a cocktail party doesn’t make much of a difference.
But I’d be totally lying if I said that I wasn’t feeling very nervous too. I do every year, that’s true. Maybe not so much last year because I had Zoot as a human shield. But being around massive amounts of people tends to make my insides turn to churning acid. I’ve purchased some nice clothes that I can hopefully wear some of to the conference. I should probably hunt down some cute shoes, to be honest, but as far as fashion goes, I think I’m doing pretty good. The rest of me? Well…
I’d like to think that I’ll lose a bunch of baby weight between now and July but I’m not hanging many hopes on it. For one thing, I’m not taking thyroid medication. This makes me nervous because it was the unhappy thyroid that caused me to pack on the pounds in the first place. And, like a lot of women, I’m self-conscious about it. I worry about what other women will think when they see me. I see pictures of myself from past BlogHer’s and am horrified that people saw me looking like that. And, truthfully, the weight is only part of that. In general, I don’t care for how I look. My hair rarely behaves or looks like anything remotely decent. My face, particularly these days, is blotchy and uneven and I’m pathetically poor at applying makeup to improve the appearance. My features make me cringe to see them: eyes too small, nose too wide, chin too large, teeth too discolored… Not to mention I’m too tall to begin with and my bones resemble those of a linebacker. Nothing petite here. All gangly and awkward. Even when I do take my glasses off.
I hope some of you won’t mind hanging out with me anyhow. In the meantime, I’m going to try to work on my self-image and self-confidence. I’ll get there. Hopefully.
Posted by Michelle 
