I’m feeling a rising, panic-like feeling in my chest this afternoon. An almost virtual “the walls are closing in on me” sort of feeling. I’m not entirely sure why. I have the sensation that I could either bust out laughing or burst into tears at any moment. It’s not a pleasant feeling. I don’t enjoy it. I would like it to leave me alone.
The fact that Liam has had some fairly scary diapers so far today, the worst being the diaper when he woke up from his nap that had “spilled over” onto his clothes and the blanket in his crib. I think I used up half of the hand sanitizer before that little endeavor was said and done. GAAAAAH. What the heck, Liam? Do I need to feed you more bananas or something?
I’ve also been leaking up a storm today. Before Evie, I NEVER leaked. Now, I leak all the time. And today? I have been leaking constantly. I finally just stuck a receiving blanket in my bra. Really attractive, I assure you. At least I remembered to buy nursing pads at the store the last time I was there. Something I’ve been forgetting to do for like FOUR MONTHS now.
Speaking of Evie, she has a nasty rash and has for a while and I have no idea how to fix it.
I feel like I’m missing something. That I need something. Or maybe I need less of something. Or more? I HAVE NO IDEA. And, if you couldn’t tell, IT’S DRIVING ME NUTS.
My thyroid pills are helping, I think. But I don’t think they’re helping THAT much. It’s better but not like it should be, you know? I’m back from the brink so instead of being stark raving mad, I’m just raving mad. At this point, just being mad would be nice but some day, I hope to be just fine.
Does such a thing exist anymore?
{ 10 comments }
Zoot 08.12.08 at 6:57 pm
Man. I wish I had something really smart and wise and helpful to tell you. But I’m too busy being on the verge of tears every five minutes.
Hang in there - if it’s any consolation, AndyZ has weird rashes that move around and change from day to day and week to week and I’ve never even tried to find out what they are. At least you’re being a good mom and caring!
Moon HalloranLeady (73 comments.) 08.12.08 at 7:29 pm
Ok, take a deep breath. It’s all gonna be ok! Everything you are going through sounds normal, at least from my standpoint.
First of all — the nasty diapers. Those things happen. Kelly used to poop in bright flourescent green anytime dad fed her Fruit Loops. She just did.
And the messy ones…hey that shi….uh, stuff…happens too. Fact of mommy life. You’ll live through it, trust me. The bananas will make him go more, so maybe try some Raisin Bran or something with fiber. If he keeps pooping like that then he may have a virus but tune into your Mommy Senses and I’m sure you’ll do fine.
As for the leaking milk…that’s actually a GOOD thing! It means you have tons of milk and that’s great for Evie, but a pain in the butt for you. Don’t worry about it just deal with it. Evie is about 4 months old, right? She is probably going through a growth spurt right now and so is nursing more to bring in more milk for her. This is normal (see La Leche League website for more info on this). It’s just annoying for you to leak so much. Trust me…again…I know. But it’s good for the kid.
Now, as for the rash. I have NO idea why, but a lot of folks I know with little girls (including me) found that the girls went through a phase about Evie’s age where they got a HORRIBLE rash. It almost looks like a burn, right? It just seems to be something that happens with or without cloth diapers (we did cloth on both kids…with PINS even!).
I don’t know why, but maybe a little girl’s skin just gets sensitive to the ammonia in the pee. I’m sure you are already doing this, but change her the SECOND you think she is wet. I have a great salve that a friend makes for me but she doesn’t sell it publicly anymore. Try some calendula cream. If you guys go to Whole Foods, like Kile sez :), then you should find a bunch of stuff there for that. Even “not-petroleum jelly” would work…and try massaging in some vitamin E oil with it. That will simultaneously provide protection and healing.
What will happen is it will act like a burn. It will scab up and scab off and then you will never see it again. If it gets really bad then go see your doctor but from what you say I think it is normal.
Hang in there, hon. I think you are doing great.
As for the thyroid condition, well no help from here. I’m not a doctor, I just play one in the blogosphere LOL
PS you’re a great mom…now pat yerself on the back, k?
Moon HalloranLeadys last blog post..It’s that time of year…
Jezer (15 comments.) 08.12.08 at 7:31 pm
I have no idea what you are going through (seriously–ONE kid pretty much kicks my butt), but I really wish I could help you.
Have you ever tried LilyPadz (I know, the Z at the end is very annoying, but they work.)? I didn’t want to trust the whole theory that applying pressure to the nipples would stop leakage, but those babies WORKED for me. And I was the woman who would wake up with a milk-drenched night shirt. That was so very sexy.
Seriously? You’re doing great. I know you don’t feel like it, but man, you’re handling a lot right now, and you’re doing it beautifully. Way better than many of us could.
Jezers last blog post..U. G. L. Y.
Moon HalloranLeady (73 comments.) 08.12.08 at 7:40 pm
oh btw…as an addendum to the above — if the rash has any kind of red dots or raised red dots, then what you have is a surface yeast rash. Also very common and easy to fix with some fungicide cream. Can’t remember the name of it now - dang that’s been a while. It’s something your doctor can prescribe.
And the two above conditions can coincide also. Still — just a phase and easy enough to treat. Scary and icky but treatable.
hugs and go get yourself a gin and tonic LOL
Moon HalloranLeadys last blog post..It’s that time of year…
raccoon 08.12.08 at 7:44 pm
That rash, if it’s in the diaper area could be a yeast infection. It’ll look red and bumpy like a heat rash rather than burned like a diaper rash. Regular diaper ointments don’t take it away. It doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong…it just happens. Dilute some woman’s yeast infection cream with some vaseline, spread it on, and it’ll go away. My doctor told me that it takes between two weeks and two months for the hypothyroid medication to really take hold. Be patient. I think you’re wonderful. R
brit (97 comments.) 08.12.08 at 7:55 pm
sigh..I think this is just the over your head phase of babyhood and toddler hood. I swear for the first time in years I feel like I’m treading water instead of gasping for air… hang in there
brits last blog post..O’ sisters lets go down…
Susan 08.12.08 at 8:13 pm
Hey Marilyn,
I hope things get better soon. I imagine it can’t be easy with two under two and in diapers, to boot, but I certainly respect you for keeping it real for the Internets. I hope to start a family soon, and I know that not all days will be good days. But, I’ve seen you keep on keeping on, even in the worst of times, and I know that’s just what I’ll have to do. You’re kind of a role model for me, ya know. I’m watching. And, learning. And, I’ll keep you in my prayers tonight. Also, I’m sorry I don’t comment very much. Since I quit blogging, I’ve fallen down on my commenting, too. Hope you know I’m still reading.
mojavi at Simple Things (13 comments.) 08.12.08 at 8:17 pm
I had to put Desitin Original on Kya EVERY CHANGE! or she freaking broke out in blisters! BTW the desitin original had the highest amount of Zinc oxide which is what ya want. And it is oily so it doesn’t come off when they pee it protects the butt!
Second, Lily pads are a silicone boob leak protector you re-use them and they REALLY work. I mean seamless no bulky just plug the nipple work!
Third! Your must read for week did me in. I read the poor story of the dad and the baby and the c-section and now I am 100% FREAKED THE F OUT! I need to be talked down from the ledge because I just might stay home and opt to risk not having a c-section, i am seriously freaked out. Hubby has ordered me away from the internet! I am not allowed to read any more blogs I don’t know until after the baby.
mojavi at Simple Thingss last blog post..future Olympiad??
Hip Mom's Guide (15 comments.) 08.12.08 at 8:22 pm
That sounds like one heck of a day. My kids are older now, but your words brought those years back in a flash…and I agree with what some of the others said. Some days (weeks) are just like that. Hang in there, the air will clear (literally and figuratively), and I promise that things get better from here.
Sarah Lena (19 comments.) 08.13.08 at 6:08 am
Aww. (((hug)))
Okay, I know you’re on thyroid meds again, and GOOD, you that’s one explanation that is now being taken care of. But it’s worth revisiting with your doctor if things aren’t better. And it might be something else simple.. my blood test revealed major B12 defiency, which can lead to lethargy, depression, and (my favorite) dementia. OH, THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH!
Seriously. It can be fixed, and you deserve to fix it.
If you need someone to talk to, hit me up. Seriously.
One more seriously for good measure.
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