This particular post doesn’t paint me or my financial situation in a very flattering light. Actually, the financial situation is no surprise, based on today’s craptastic economy. But me, well… what can I say?
Evie had her six month wellcheck scheduled for this morning. Because I never keep those stupid schedule cards they give you, I had no idea when the appointment was until the office called yesterday afternoon to confirm. In order to make things a little easier (since mornings are insanity), I took my shower last night before bed. Of course, this means I woke up with Crazy Hair. But my iron was able to tame it back into shape. I got Evie all dressed up and gave her a dose of Tylenol, for her immunizations. I got Liam ready to go too. I left the house 40 minutes before the appointment. I noticed that our one tire that is always leaking air was a little low. Too late to fix it. The gas tank was in poor shape so I stopped at the gas station. The problem is, the machine didn’t accept my card. I had $20 in the debit account, but for some reason, that wasn’t enough. I hoped I would have enough to make it down to the doctor’s office and back home again.
I stopped to get Kile and called his cell phone. No answer. Again and again. No answer. I sat there for a good 15 minutes before he finally answered. He said he never got the other calls. URGH. We were able to make it down to the doctor’s office just in time. We loaded the kids into the double stroller and made our way inside. Kile signed in and we waited to be called back. We were called, eventually, but not by the nurse. The receptionist told Kile that we had a past due amount on our account (that we were unaware of) and that if we wanted to be seen today, we’d have to pay that plus our copay.
Yeah, we didn’t have it. Kile rescheduled for next week while my blood boiled over. BOILED. THE FUCK. OVER. Am I saying my reaction matched the situation? Perhaps not. But until that moment, I’d felt stressed and this was the last straw. I couldn’t handle the extra crap being piled on so I blew my lid. I stormed out to the van, swearing to Kile that I was not coming back next week and I used a lot of really bad language too. I was PISSED. I had put myself out, getting out of the house with two little kids, drove on a tire that needed air, on an empty tank of gas just to make this appointment only to get there and OH NO, TOO BAD!
I’m sorry, but to me, that’s just bullshit. What the hell do we even pay out the ass for insurance for if we can’t even get seen by a doctor?
Even now, I’m extremely upset about this. I don’t particularly want to go back to that office, but i know that’s a stupid reaction. Evie needs to see the doctor, even for a well visit, and she needs her immunizations. But the thought of doing it all AGAIN next week makes my stomach turn. I don’t feel that I can physically walk back into that office without wanting to slap someone.
Yeah, to say that I can’t handle stress very well these days would probably be a gross understatement.
Not my proudest moment. Who is to blame? Us, for not having the extra money to just pay it on the spot? Us, for not having that past due amount paid? Them, for insisting that we pay it before being seen? The economy, for sucking every last spare dollar out of our pockets until we’re left on our knees, begging for mercy? All of the above? None of the above? Who the hell knows?
It’s moments like these that I wish for oblivion, for an escape, for darkness and quiet. For peace.
***
In completely unrelated but no less worthy news: please go check out my review of the new book, “Maybe Baby” over on my review blog. It’s a great read. (The book, not the review. Though the review isn’t bad either.)
A little foreword: This book has no “official” title. From the copy I have, I can see I called part 1 “The Icebound Princess” and part 2 “An Obligation to Devotion”. GAG. This should give you a little warning on what to expect. Basically: This is no award winner here. It’s fluff. And poorly written fluff at that. But… could be entertaining to look at and go, “OMG, Marilyn was such a loser as a teenager.” (This presumes that I’m not still a loser, but let’s just go with this, mmkay?) Also, as a little background: This was written from March of 1992 to June of 1994. The first part took place six years previous, so in the mid-80’s. Confused yet? Get used to it. I also had a really hard time not editing this as I re-typed it. REALLY HARD. If I need to, I will interject “editor’s notes” but I’ll try to keep that to a minimum.
Chapter 1:
* * Hillary * *
“Wow, what a sunset,” I whispered to myself. I stood at the rail of the large cruise ship. I was watching the golden sun slip under the horizon formed only by the still ocean. The resulting color was a shocking red. I smiled to myself. Red was my favorite color. I even had red hair. Not the bright orange-red color you’re always hearing about, but a dark red-brown.
I took a deep breath of the fresh sea air. I would have to thank my parents for taking my brothers and I on this cruise. This was ten times better than staying home in Mayton, Massachusetts, a small town just outside of Boston. This cruise to Hawaii was a Christmas present for the whole family. When I had first heard of the trip, I was reluctant to go. I didn’t want to have to leave my friends or abandon my figure skating practice. Then, my parents found out that the cruise people were putting on a Christmas Eve ice show. That meant there would be an ice rink available to practice on. In fact, my parents even called the cruise linke before we left. They asked if they could rent out the rink to me for an hour each morning so I could practice. The cruise line agreed and I agreed to go along on the cruise, though Ralph, my coach, wouldn’t be there. Now, I was glad I decided to come.
I noticed some dark clouds forming quickly, marring the beautiful sky. A storm was coming. How quickly the weather changed out here on the ocean! In a way, it reminded me of myself. My mood was often quick to change. I could go from pleasant and sweet to irrational and hot-headed in an instant. I had a terrible temper. It went well with my red hair and Irish background.
My name was Hillary Elena Jamison. I was sixteen yeras old and a junior in high school. I had a twin brother whose name was Ryan Peter. He was a real doll, though he looked nothing like me and his personality was a direct opposite of mine. He had dark brown, wavy hair that he kpt short and neat. He also had blue eyes and was relatively tall. My dark, red, wavy hair fell down to about the middle of my back in soft curls. I had large green eyes fringed with thick eyelashes. I was also very short, between 5′3 and 5′4. While Ryan was soft-spoken, gentle and sweet, I was excitable, outgoing, quick-tempered and aggressive. I had my moments, though. I could be as agreeable as Ryan, when I wanted to be. And while Ryan had little or no interests or hobbies, I certainly did and it was figure skating.
I had been skating most all of my life. As soon as I was old enough to walk, my skating career began. Since then, I’d been struggling to become famous. I’d been in several competitions, including local and regional championships. I’d been to Nationals and won several medals and just last year I went to the the World FIgure Skating Championships for the first time. I placed very low, to my discouragement. This year, I was staying out of competitions to get in some more practice. Actually, my loss at the World Championships had really taken me down a notch. My confidence in my skating had fallen apart. Of course, I would never tell that to anyone. I had far too much pride for that.
I also had an older brother, Scott. He was 18 and a senior in high school. He had auburn hair, like my mom, and grey eyes. He was very tall and on the school’s basketball team. He was really good at sports and a great older brother. He was always looking out fo rme.
A cold wind blew up, interrupting my thoughts. Goose bumps rose on my arms. I didn’t have a coat with me or anthing so I decided to head back to my cabin. I had one all to myself, thanks to my parents and their money. They are really loaded. As I hurried along the empty deck, I glanced down at my gold watch with it’s leather band. 5:45? I was supposed to meet my family at 6:00 for dinner! I’d never have enough time to change my outfit. I began to run.
I dodge past passengers and turned several sharp corners. I began to run faster as I heard thunder rolling in the distance. I turned one corner very quickly and smacked right into someone, knocking them over.
“Oh, my God! I’m so sorry!” I gushed, trying to help my victim up. “I shouldn’t have been running so fast.”
The person took my hand and got to their feet. It was a young man, around my age. And he was gorgeous. He was tall, like Scott, and very well built. I could see his muscles on his arms from under his cotton polo shirt. He had dark brown hair that curled softly at the ends and brown eyes that were like twin pools of melted chocolate. And his smile! When he smiled at me, I instantly felt my knees go weak. It was the type of smile that completely blew a person away. I stood there, still holding his hand, numb with shock.
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