Remember the other day when I mentioned that Evie started doing this silly thing with her nose that was making me want to eat her?  I sort of got it on video this morning.  She would make the face and then I think she would get too excited and either cough or giggle or squeal.   It’s a lot of pressure for a little girl.  At the very least, you get to see some footage of a baby girl being very, very silly.  (And you can hear me doing the “nose thing” in the background to encourage her.)  (Not that it worked.)  Hold onto your ovaries!

I don’t know what’s going on with my blog, ya’ll.  I think I’m losing focus.  The stats are down, my inspiration is down… This is not good, heading into NaBloPoMo, which I always look forward to each year and which requires constant content.  At the left there you see a graph of my weekly stats.  The highest point was BlogHer, I believe.  This week isn’t even half over yet, so obviously it’s still low, but you have to admit there’s a deliberate downtrend there.

And yet… WHY DO I CARE?  Or do I really?  It’s not really about ad revenue.  So I can’t blame the ads for watching these and feeling a pit in my stomach.  I think it has more to do with… ego.  After I had Evie, my blog enjoyed a nice boost.  A lot of people were visiting and commenting, I had lots to post about and everything was great.  In recent months, the visitors have dropped off, I’ve lost inspiration and I’m left feeling like a wallflower once again.

For the record, I hate feeling like that.

I don’t want to care.  I want to move past it.  I want to get back to the CONTENT.  But I am just not sure how to do that.  What was I posting back in the spring and summer that I enjoyed so much?  What about before then?  Right now, I feel like I have no goal.  I’m a boat set adrift in the sea of the internet.  Drifting is no fun.  I like to either have a goal or be anchored.  I’m a planner, after all.  The unknown isn’t something I like to embrace too much.  I suppose that’s the German in me.  We must be regimented!

How do I find my Blogging North Star?  Where is my focus supposed to be?  Why do I feel so confused when I open up my “Write Post” page?

And, most importantly, how do I STOP looking at the stats?  Because I seriously think they’re going to make me crazy.