I’m rather lonely.
If not for my husband and kids, I would be entirely lonely. So I guess it could be (a lot) worse. But the fact of the matter is that I don’t have a lot of “girl time” to enjoy. Well, it’s not the “time” I’m lacking so much as the “girl”. I have no friends. Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms.
And I think the longer that I don’t have friends and the more I am holed up here in my home, clacking away on my laptop, the more anti-social I’m becoming. I have always been shy and introverted, but that never seemed to get in the way of making new friends. So I don’t think I’m a total loser, you know? Or at least, I didn’t used to be. Maybe I am now. Lah-HOO-ser!!
Ahem.
I tried and a couple years ago, I thought I had finally hit the jackpot. I had some friends that lived nearby that I loved to hang out with. Our families loved to hang out too. Kile enjoyed them, Harry enjoyed their son, etc and so forth. It was like the answer to my prayers.
Then… things went downhill. I still to this day can’t put my finger on exactly what it was. Was it me? Perhaps they didn’t enjoy me as much as I did them. Which, of course, stings. It makes you step back and question yourself. So it’s easy to see why, after a few failures on the social front, that we tend to keep to ourselves more and more.
It’s safer that way. Simpler. Easier. I love to take shortcuts, especially if they make my life simpler and easier. And withdrawing from society is so simple and so easy. And so safe. If you don’t put yourself out there, you can’t be disappointed. You can’t get your feelings hurt. You don’t expose yourself to rejection. You feel lonely, but if you try hard enough and long enough you can get used to it. And you can even get to where you don’t even really notice it so much anymore. Lonely becomes the New Normal.
Maybe Reno is the problem? It wasn’t so hard to make friends in college, but since being out on our own, it’s been so much harder. Are people here just not that friendly? Would it be easier if we lived somewhere else? Would another neighborhood be better or would we need an entirely different part of the country?
Why am I even thinking about this in the first place??
Who knows. I just wonder, from time to time, what my life would be like if I had some good friends to hang out with fairly regularly. I’m sure Kile would appreciate it, because then I wouldn’t be hassling him to come see “Twilight” with me this weekend.
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11 Responses to “Just the perfect blendship”
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I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have one really good friend in this town, we’ve been friends for over a decade but our schedules just don’t work with each other. She works late and stays up late. I get up early and go to bed early. The few times we meet to talk every few weeks, it’s great, but that’s it. I wonder what would happen if I had something like that daily or even weekly. Would I be less depressed?
Also – you’ll probably empathize (I hope you do) but one of AndyZ’s teachers? Is totally someone I could be friends with and I want to ask her out on a date. hehe. I mean, I want to try to get together with her outside of school. But how do I even do that? How do I ask her out? heh. I’m such a dork.
We just need to live closer together, don’t you think?
Hey wanna come see Dar Williams with me Friday? I have an extra ticket now. C’mon. You could totally just hop on a plane to St. Louis for the night, couldn’ctha? It’ll be fun
But yeah I know what you mean. I am no introvert (hardly! ::snark::) but I haven’t had a “real” female friend in years. And even then those friendships don’t last long for whatever reason. Either they get sick of me or I get sick of them…or they turn out to be a total basket case and I really don’t need that! I have my OWN basket to tend to, thank you very much.
So check the flight schedules. I’ll meet ya at the airport
Awww. I would totally go see Twilight with you this weekend, if I lived near you. Hey, Arizona’s not that far away!
I also find that it’s so hard to make friends outside of work or school. It was so much easier back then!
I don’t really have any female friends besides family members. Sometimes I miss that but then I remind myself that I have lots of online friends and I have more control of how often we talk.
Let’s see… I happened by your blog as I was surfing for other bloggers who have children with speech delay’s (like my son). I see you’ve dealt with infertility (as I have). You’re funny as crap. (I quite nearly spit out my tea when I read your “Making little kids cry since 1999″ tag.) And I could have written today’s post verbatim and it all been true, so I think you just gained yourself a new reader. Hey, with this much in common, how could I not keep reading?
whatever it’s totally you. I’m always calling you and inviting you over and your always…”i’m so busy living 600 miles away from you” or “I’ve got to wash my hair tonight and I live 600 miles away”
Whiner.
I’ll probably be going to twilght by myself too. MORE POPCORN FOR ME! And ooh ooh the harry potter trailer.
brits last blog post..You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around
Don’t be so hard on yourself!!! It is really hard to stay home full-time and make friends. I have really put myself out there these past 3 years – going to group meetings, doing library rhyme time, and I even tried out a mom’s group. I am not shy and I always chat up folks at these functions and even at random places like the mall and the park. Still, I have only made two good friends through all of that – the rest of my social group is friends and family that I already had.
Marilyn, I hate these posts. I HATE them. It is frustrating to watch you beat yourself up. Be kinder to yourself.
cageys last blog post..What did she say, Mama?
Hey, I know this is totally unrelated, but I need to ask you a question about cloth diapers, and I can’t contact u thru clothdiapermamas.com. Any ideas on how to get the smell out of cloth diapers? I’ve tried everything I can think of, and can’t get the smell out. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!
First off, AMEN Cagey!!
Hell, bring the whole family, we have a HUGE guest room.
Second, since you’re flying to St. Louis to see Ms. Moon to see Dar Williams, you better call me and get your butt to my house!!!
I know it’s hard to make friends, and in one aspect it’s easier not to have them. Because you don’t have to wonder if it’s okay to call, should I ask them to see that movie? Do they want to come over for dinner? And for me, it’s hard enough to move with Paul all the time & it’s even harder when you’re leaving good friends behind. So I’ve started keeping to myself more. So I understand what you’re saying. But people who grow to be real friends… they make all the stress and uncertainty of early friendship stages well worth it.
But Marilyn, you are a great person. If I didn’t think so, I wouldn’t have kept in touch with you since we graduated from high school. Don’t remind me how long ago that was. I don’t want to hear it. The point is, I wouldn’t have wasted that many years and that much energy staying in touch with you unless I thought you are well worth it. And you are. So stop beating yourself up. As for those “friends” you had nearby… they obviously aren’t worth it because they didn’t realize what a awesome person they are missing out on.
My solution? Tell Kile to get a GS job and work for the government. That way, everytime the Air Force moves Paul, Kile can get a transfer and you guys can come with us!
I’m not sure this will make you feel better or not (I’m not so sure that sharing loneliness makes either person feel better), but I can relate to your post. In fact, I am totally trying to convince my husband to see Twilight with me. I thinks its either that or go by myself.
I just think it is much harder to meet new people and make friends as an adult.
KARA!s last blog post..The One Where I Confess My Love For Christmas
seriously I hate them too.. you seem to have been in a funk the last couple months too….. anyhoo.. smile and for gods sake don’t do your hair again! I accidentally got a mullet after I had Kya! I cried for months when I got home from the hairdresser. So this time I am not cutting anything and just getting normal highlights for a year!
Also I seriously have to pimp my own ass out to get friends! I bug people… ask Cagey! ask he how much I called her when I lived there.
Here I volunteer at the library, started a mom;s group and a scrapbookers club. I seriously pimp my own ass out!
In adulthood people are no longer accepting applications…. they have their friend quota. ESP if they grew up there.
mojavi at Simple Thingss last blog post..my girls…