I want to say for the record that I HATE posts like this.  Nothing bugs me more than a blogger who threatens to pack up her toys and go home.  Are they hoping people talk them out of it?  Are they being overly dramatic?  And no one wants to see someone leave, especially when you’ve gotten used to following their life day in and day out.

That said…

It’s no secret that I’ve been a baaaaad blogger lately.  And that’s mostly been due to being busy and wholly unable to properly juggle my activities.  It’s hard to blog and knit at the same time, after all.  I’ve been trying to remember to come here once a day, but it’s been hard.  I figure in my current state, if I’m blogging at least three times a week, I’m in good shape.

But lately I’ve noticed some other things too, things that more of a threat to my blogging happiness than knitting even (shocking, I know).  It’s attitude.  It’s snarkyness.  It’s pettiness.  It’s anger, judgement and DRAMA.  It hasn’t happened all at once, of course.  Little by little.  Bit by bit.  Comment by post by overtone.  And it’s built up in my heart.  And it makes my heart ache.

I don’t get a lot of drama directed at me.  I’m just li’ ol’ me, eeking out my existance on this small corner of the internet.  I’m pretty grateful for that.  But neither am immune from the drama directed at others.  Whether I know them personally or not.   Should it matter if I KNOW someone, to feel bad for them when mean things are directed their way?  No, it should not. And it does not.

Why are we as people so MEAN to one another?  Why do we say things that we know will hurt feelings?  Why do we judge others choices when those choices have absolutely NOTHING to do with us?  I don’t understand this way of thinking.  I don’t get it at all.  How does snarking at Dooce or any of the other “big name” bloggers improve me and my life?  How does it improve others?  IT DOESN’T.  But people do it all the same and it just DON’T GET IT.  Do people think that if you are a big name that you don’t feel hurt when people snark on you?  Or worse: that if you are a big name, you ASK to have people snark on you?  If you disagree or dislike a person or blog or whatever, then doesn’t it make more sense to turn your attention elsewhere?  Read a blog that you DO like.

I’m so tired of this.  This goes on and on and on… and I hear stories that make me ache.  I see things firsthand that make me scratch my head.  And finally it gets to be too much.  And before you know it, I’m writing a post like this where I wonder aloud if maybe it is time to pack things in.  That maybe the world of blogging has changed so much, TOO much, and that there is no place anymore for someone who wishes to perpetuate kindness to others in the community.

I’m not the sort that takes breaks.  For one thing, they don’t work for me.  If I take a break, then that means I’m that much more likely to just not ever return from a break.  I’m a slacker, remember?  And the laws of inertia are strong with me.  A body at rest tends to stay at rest.  A blogger on break tends to stay on break.  So I know that’s not the answer for me.  Either I blog or I don’t.

I still don’t know.  I’d like to think that there’s more good then bad out there.  I haven’t seen a lot of evidence of that lately.  I don’t know what to think.  I would hate to lose my blog.  I would hate to lose the lovely people who come out to read even when I’ve posted nothing but drivel for the better part of a month.  But I hate to surround myself with negativity too. Maybe the answer is to delete my Google Reader.  I’d hate to lose some of my most favorite blogs, but I have to admit, I think this would definitely help.

Time will tell.