I got this in an email forward today.  And yeah, most of the time I don’t even read email forwards because they are lame and/or sappy.  But I read this one for whatever reason and as I read it, it started making more and more sense.  And then I thought, “huh, I should put this on my blog.”  Because most of all, I wanted to put it somewhere that I could easily refer back to it.  And lord knows, my email isn’t the best place for that.  I love Gmail, but I don’t quite have the handle of it’s organization methods quite yet.  It tends to become the “black hole of email”.

So here it is.  There’s a lot of good advice in here.  And there’s quite a bit of it that I really need to start taking to heart myself.  I’ve highlighted the particular bits that I need to pay extra attention to in my life for my own benefit.  What in this list do you need to start taking to heart yourself?

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19.. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words’ In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone elses, we’d grab ours back.

41.. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

I made it to the weekend!  I tell you, there were several moments this last week where I wasn’t sure if I would or not.  It was touch and go for a while there.  I worried that I might just melt away into a puddle of nothing from the stress, pressure and angst of it all.

Oh yes.  There was angst.

I did end up going to Walmart with the kids yesterday morning.  I met my friend J there with her son.  We were both in dire need of some quality adult interaction.  And for the most part, the shopping trip went well.  Harry pushed the cart with Liam in it while I pushed the cart with Evie in it.  The kids weren’t too ill-behaved (though Harry did get tired halfway through and kept moaning about how tired and thirsty he was… you know how nine year olds are).  I started to feel a little cocky about the whole thing.

And then, I got to the checkout and got all my stuff on the conveyor belt and was all ready to pay as soon as she finished scanning when… I realized I didn’t have my purse.

GAH.

I didn’t even know if it was out in the van or not.  I didn’t remember putting it in the van.  But then, maybe I never took it out of the van from the last time I left the house.  And I thought there might be a check book in the glove compartment even if my purse wasn’t there.  So hastily asked my friend to keep an eye on the kids, told the checkout lady that I’d be back in a second and ran out to the van.

Yes.  I ran.  It wasn’t pretty.

But praise the skies above, my purse was sitting there on the floor of the van.  Hallelujah!  It’s a miracle!

I ran back (again with the ugliness) and proceeded to have a heart attack while the checkout lady finished ringing me up.

And even then, that probably wasn’t near as difficult as lunch at McDonalds was.  Despite my promise not to, we ate at the restaurant which is the one inside that particular Walmart since the notion leaving and buckling kids in and driving across the street for basically the same food left a lot to be desired.  And this is where I truly missed our “dual parenting” system.  We generally get the kids in their high chairs and situated and then I sit at the table with them while Kile orders the food, gets the drinks, brings the food to the table, etc and so forth.  But without him there, I had to do it myself.  And that kinda blew.  But we managed.  And lunch was had by all.

Then I came home and died.

Liam napped while Evie who had drifted off in the car simply REFUSED to nap.  But whatever.

The moral of the story?  I’m never leaving the house again.

Okay, that’s probably a little overly dramatic.  I’m sure I’ll leave the house again at some point.  You know, when they’re teenagers.

One would think that with a shortened work week, that the end would come quicker somehow.

Not so much.

This week has just been dragging on.  And, quite frankly, this week hasn’t been one of my favorites.  Maybe that’s where the “rule” lays: the crappier the week, the slower it passes.

That sounds about right.

I’m thinking tomorrow will be better though.  I’ve decided that I’m going to (*gulp*) venture outside the home with the children.  With Harry home, I can actually attempt the grocery store.  So tomorrow morning we’re going to pack up and go to Walmart.  I don’t expect a full shopping trip, but a few of the neccessities plus the distraction of doing something different should be worth the trip.  And Harry is already excited for the trip, since I promised McDonald’s for lunch when we’re done.  To take home, of course.  I’m not crazy enough to eat at the restaurant.

Give me SOME credit, now.

In light of my recent difficulites, I’ve felt that maybe I need to start simplifying things.  I know I’ve brought a lot of my troubles upon myself.  So then it would seem that the best course of action would be for me to remove  those troubles myself, yes?

Maybe it is as easy as that.

And I’m not stupid enough to think that everything can be solved by simplifying.  But if I start to adopt the general mindset of, “Is this going to complicate my life?  Then NO!”, maybe that will help.

Can’t hurt, right?

And I’m afraid to say this, but I think that this simplification plan of mine will involve removing toxic situations from my life.  The reason I’m afraid to say that is because, believe it or not, I’m an eternal optimist.  Yes, I am!  I want to believe that things will alway swork out for the best and there will be a happily ever after.  That maybe if the ideal resolution isn’t reached, that at least an amicable one is possible.

I’m starting to doubt that.

Scratch that.  I AM doubting that.  Because try as I might be believe and hope and move on, certain situations have been shoved back into my face (to make me squirm?) and other people have not been believing, hoping or moving on.  So maybe moving on entirely is the answer?  Call uncle, cut my losses and get on with my life?

Surely that couldn’t make me any more miserable than trying to hope has made me.

Gosh, that got awfully dark there, didn’t it?   Sorry about that.

The ultimate goal is: a happier me!  There’s a lot of factors at play here and hopefully by conquering each issue as it stands will help me move toward that goal.  Keep your fingers crossed!

Thanks for the kind emails a few of you sent me after yesterday’s post.  I wasn’t looking for any feedback, hence why I closed comments.  But kind words are always appreciated.

I want to put out there that nothing in particular happened to spur on my words of woe.  Most of all, it came from the dark place I found myself in late on Monday night when I dreaded the next morning and the next week.  I had SUCH a nice weekend here with my family.  We didn’t do anything particularly exciting or out of the ordinary.  But we had fun together and even the ordinary stuff was enjoyable.  I wasn’t at all ready for the weekend to be over.  I dreaded the daily monotony that I knew was waiting for me on Tuesday morning.

I think pretty much everyone was dreading and/or disliking yesterday.  Mondays are bad enough, because very few people are ever happy to see the weekend come to an end.  But for some reason, the Tuesday after a three day weekend is twice as awful.  Maybe even THREE TIMES.  It’s harder to wake up, harder to motivate, harder to let go the happy, contented vacation days.  Of course, all this said, I don’t think I would ever turn away a three day weekend simply because I dread the next work day.  But I still will wish for a four day weekend here and there too.

So yeah, we had a great weekend around here.  I do love hanging out with my family.  We don’t have to be doing anything too fantastic either, just doing what we do together and I’m happy enough just to be content.  Which isn’t to say that Liam didn’t challenge our patience and Evie didn’t keep me up at night.  But it’s easier to deal with it all when Kile is home too.  As much as I know he has to work during the week, I do miss his support.  And it makes the weekends all that much more sweeter.

Speaking of the little kids…

In the interest of being fair, though, I want to share a list of things about Liam that bring a smile to my face and warm my heart.  Because even though he’s nearly three and very GOOD at being nearly three, there are many things about him that are just wonderful and that I wouldn’t change for a million dollars.

• the way he says “eat da nummies?” when he wants to have something to eat.
• the way he says “Cahs” (Cars), “May-er” (Mater), and “Waw-wee” (Wall-E) when he wants to watch his favorite movies.
• his infectious giggle when he’s delighted.
• his sparkling blue eyes.
• his spontaneous hugs and kisses.
• the way he loves to sing the Alphabet Song before bed each night.
• that “Word World” is his favorite show.
• that even his temper tantrums are adorable (you should see him tell Harry off, saying “Go Way!” and stomping his foot… SO CUTE).

And like I said, I want to be fair so here is a list of things Evie does that sorta make me want to tear my hair out (just as soon as I nom on her chubby baby legs, that is).

• her whole “let’s get up in the middle of the night several times to eat even though I’ve been sleeping through” thing.  That’s gotta end.
• her insistence on crawling behind the recliners to get at my yarn and knitting projects.
• the way she will cram her mouth full of food and not chew properly before swallowing thereby giving me a heart attack when she starts to choke.
• the way she wriggles and trys to flip over when on the changing table.
• how she has to grab EVERYTHING.
• including glasses left on the table between our chairs which she then attempts to dump the contents of all over herself as well as any knitting I may be working on.

For the most part though?  I have some awesome kids.  Sure, they try my patience but isn’t that what kids are supposed to do?  Otherwise, why would we ever want them to leave the house when they grow up?  Think about it!

Happy Hump Day, ya’ll!  The weekend will be here before you know it!

So the week has found me. I tried to hide, but it was hard to disguise my location when Evie kept getting me up all night long. Thankfully, I had the presence of mind to deny her milk. She didn’t NEED to nurse at 2:22 in the morning. She really WANTED to, but she didn’t NEED to. Not when she’d nursed at 11:35. And I think I got to sleep close to 1. So yeah, THANKS Evie. And she kept trying to wake up after that but I wasn’t having it.

I finally gave in at 6:30. The sun was up and shining brightly into both of our rooms (seriously, what’s the deal? When will it stop doing that so damned early?) so I couldn’t quite justify denying her. Even though I felt pretty wasted.

Thing is: I’m hanging on by a pretty thin thread these days.  Kile has asked me why and I have no answer.  I don’t know WHY.  If I knew why, then maybe I could fix it.  But its been something that has come and gone in waves.  And it’s something that has been particularly bad the last year or so.  Actually, more like two years.  My coping skills have degraded severely.  My ability to deal with stressful situations has become almost non-existant.  I’ve been a recluse, closeted and withdrawn.  I’ve had social confidence and contentment leeched out of me.  Not having MOPS this last year was a BAD THING indeed.

When Harry was two and three years old, it was different.  It was just him and me, life hadn’t slapped me around quite as much and the opportunities were more plentiful.  And, let’s face it, I wasn’t such a closeted freak.  We would go to story time at the library on Tuesdays, MOPS on Wednesdays, lunch with Kile at the University on Fridays…  I didn’t think anything of taking Harry shopping with me.  He was a great shopper, content to sit in the cart and watch the world go by.  I never felt trapped in the house with him.   And when we had our rental house, he was often very happy to play out in the backyard, be it in the snow in the winter or the dirt and grass in the summer.

Things are different now.   Before Evie was born, I had no problem leaving the house with Liam.  We didn’t do lunch with Kile anymore, and I didn’t do as much shopping, but there was MOPS and we had friends to go hang out with and I never hesitated to take Liam along on an errand if I needed to go somewhere.  But with Evie now, I don’t feel like I have that freedom.  And I do realize this is my own doing.  Many moms have no trouble wrangling together their herd to leave the house.  I just don’t have that confidence.  The notion of going to the park with both kids by myself makes my blood run cold.  What if Liam runs off (as he would surely do) while I’m dealing with Evie?  I don’t think I would have the energy to deal with it.  Shopping would be impossible since most stores I would go to only have single carts and I can’t push two carts by myself.  (I have to laugh at loud of the notion of letting Liam just walk outside the cart.  HA!)  We have no MOPS and no friends and therefore no adult interaction outside that of seeing my husband at the end of each day.   I’m hesitant to try to make any new friends since all attempts in the past have been such ginormous FAILs that I am extremely wary of putting myself out there again.

At the end of the day, it’s just easier to stay home.  To shut myself in.  And with no yard for Liam to play in (yes, still, after living here 5 years… circumstance is a bitch), he has nowhere to run off his energy.  So he gets bored and restless.  Add in some healthy jealousy of his sister, and you’ve got a recipe for chaos.  And frayed nerves.  I’m sort of depressed these days anyhow, and the chaos is directly opposed to my calm-seeking personality.  So… yeah.   By the end of the day, I’m at my wits end.  And since Evie has decided to wake up a couple times a night again (WTF, darling daughter?), I’m exhausted too.

And I know this is all my own doing, so please spare me the “quit whining and do something” speeches.  Because I know.  But at the same time, I feel caught inside a vicious circle and the way out just isn’t quite so clear.  I’m focused on just making it through the day right now.  Day by day, hour by hour.  It’s the best I can do.  And that’ll do for now.