So it’s pretty much common knowledge around here that I’m just a mess. There is ALWAYS something wrong with me. Even if it’s just a touch of depression. But there’s the thyroid that pretty much rages out of control because I forget to take pills (and don’t even care that I forget because… meh). There’s the frequent headaches that morph into monstrous migraines if I give them half the chance. There’s a hundred and one small and not terribly bothersome ailments that plague me daily.
And now, there’s my teeth.
Over the last couple of months, I’ve been having more and more trouble with them. I’m pretty sure there’s a cavity on one of the molars on the left side of my mouth. It’s gotten bad enough that I don’t chew food on that side of my mouth anymore.
There’s a permanent retainer behind my lower front teeth that the orthodontist assured me would fall out on it’s own some day. That was 15 years ago. The retainer isn’t showing any signs of going anywhere. It’s in there GOOD. The problem is that the teeth in my mouth are shifting and there’s pressure on these front teeth now. And since the retainer is there, there’s pretty much constant pain on the sides of those teeth down into my jaw.
I also clench my jaw when I sleep. I don’t do this on purpose, obviously. Kile doesn’t understand how I do this. To him, you fall asleep and your body relaxes until you wake up. He doesn’t see how your body can unconsciously tense up. I’ve woken up with my fists clenched before, so I’m familiar with this. And now, I wake up with my whole mouth hurting, my jaw sore from the effort of clenching it shut all night. Why? Stress, pressure, angst, who knows? There are nights that I have a hard time sleeping from the pain it causes. I’ll wake up and try to force my jaw to relax, only to clench again as soon as I drift off to sleep.
I know I should see a dentist. But the mere thought of going to see one makes my blood run cold. And it’s not just the pain of dental work that frightens me. Because at this point, that pain couldn’t be much worse than the pain I’m having. But I worry about being yelled at for a) not coming to a dentist sooner (it’s been 11 years) and b) not taking better care of my teeth. I live in fear of people yelling at me. It’s the people pleaser in me. I will sit and suffer with a hurt mouth if it means that someone won’t yell at me. I also worry about the cost. We have preventative dentist care covered under our insurance. But once work needs done (and I’m pretty sure work needs done in my case), it starts getting spendy. And coming into the Christmas season… we just can’t afford it. And I don’t want us to have to, either.
So call me a coward. I know I am. And yet, I also know that I don’t know how much more of this constant pain I can take. I’m getting more and more headaches, which I’m sure the mouth pain isn’t helping. I’m tired. I’m worn out. Plainly put, I’m miserable. Being a coward isn’t getting anything accomplished but I’m quite literally unsure of what else I can do at this point.
Calgon, take me away!
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7 Responses to “In which I am a coward”
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I’m normally in the “hate the dentist and I’m not going” boat right there with ya, Marilyn. Paul MADE me go while we were in Virginia and I found the PERFECT dentist. Of course, now we’re in Illinois so I’m back to the boycott. Anyway, woman, you NEED to go. It’s just going to get worse, and as bad as you already are, worse doesn’t sound like a place you need to visit. I know it’s gonna cost some money. Maybe what you could do is go in for a cleaning under the “prevention” that’s covered. Then, find out what’s necessary, and how much it’ll cost. Then you’ll at least know what you need to work into the budget. There’s nothing that says you have to get it all done at once.
I am also a jaw clencher. My dentist gave me these foam cylinders (they look like tampons) to hold between my front teeth to try and get my jaw to relax when it starts to be clenched all the time. You could probably get a similar result holding anything (carrot stick, pencil, chocolate) in your front teeth.
Around here we have lots of dentists that advertise for “nervous” patients. If you are up front with them about your concern, a good dentist will try their best to make you comfortable.
I also agree that a cleaning and assessment will help you figure out what you need and what the cost might be. Knowledge is power!
If you let your health go, it does not get better. It just gets worse and thus, even more expensive. Get yourself to the dentist, Marilyn. My teeth hurt just reading this! :-)
Yep, unfortunately it won’t get better by hoping and wishing and waiting. And I’ve had patients here in the hospital who end up hospitalized with infections in other parts of their bodies that started in their mouths. Brain absesses, spinal absesses, iv antibx for weeks. So yeah, it sucks, but you have to go. Seriously. A lot if dentists have payment plans too, and can help you prioritize if some things can be put off. But go. Please. I don’t like to hear my friends be in pain!
I live in terror of the dentist. Because I get lectured, because it hurts, because I always need something done and because we have no dental insurance. We pay all $600 of that root canal and the idea that I have to pay $600 for something that scares me for days beforehand and hurts for days after just is so wrong. But, the longer you wait to go, the worse it gets and the more expensive it gets. A $130 filling becomes a $200 filling and then a $600 root canal.
but some good news. I once had a horrible toothache, that went on for weeks & weeks, that I waited 3 months to get checked out because I was sure it was a root canal, turn out to be the mother of all sinus infections.
I’m in the same boat – I hate the dentist! I worried that the dentist would yell at me as well. But believe it or not, they didn’t. The hygentist was sweet and said that it took more bravery to go into the doc than to stay away, and was very, very nice. I know the money costs, but there are some dental credit people who will help so that you don’t have to pay it all at once.
You know what else? Most of the time when they ask how long it’s been since my last cleaning, I act like I can’t remember. And they say “that long huh?” and kinda laugh with me. So, you don’t have to actually admit it’s been 11 years. Just watch out if they try to give you flouride in one of those trays. Ask what flavor it is before they stick it in your mouth. I got stuck with pina colada one time, and I HATE coconut. It was horrible.