Not that I’m a fighter.  I’m a lover. <3  But the point is:  I’ve let things go considerably since I found out I was pregnant with Evie.  After Liam was born, I really got into shape and I really would like to get back there.  But… with my messed up metabolism and the occasional depressive day messing with my motivation, getting back in shape has been difficult.

So the last couple of days I did a lot of thinking and I’m going to start implementing some small things that I hope will help make a difference.  I’m not a dieter.  I don’t really believe in diets.  You deprive yourself too much, you’re setting yourself up for failure.  Or you only focus on one specific regimen, you’re neglecting other things that may need attention too.   I believe mostly in moderation and sensible choices.

That said… here’s my “plan”, as it were:

• No more sodas.  Oh sure, on occasion.  But I was having them every day for the caffeine.  And.. even the diet stuff isn’t that good for you.  Just not a good thing to get into.  So no more.
• Cut down juices too.  This one hurts me.  I love juice.  But they’re SO sugary!  At fast food places that don’t have obvious water or anything “light” to drink, maybe instead of choosing the diet soda (because I don’t care for diet sodas unless they have some sort of fruit flavoring, a la diet cherry coke), mix the lemonade/fruit punch with water.  Still a nice fruity taste but not near as sweet.  But still a treat.
• Pie.  I loves me some pie.  I’m going to follow Kile’s lead on this and not eat the crust.  I know, that’s the whole POINT of pie.  But it’s not not eating ANY crust.  Just the back and the bottom.  You can eat the top (which is my favorite part anyhow).  Crust is just flour and shortening and is very not good for you.  Don’t need it!
• Move more.  Soon as Harry goes back to school, I’m doing the 30 Day Shred again.  And I’m going to stick with it.  And once I get to where I want to be, maybe I’ll only do it once a week.  But in the meantime, I hope to start walking a lot more too.  Maintain!
• My love affair with ranch must come to an end.  I love ranch.  I dip pizza in it.  I mix it with ketchup to dip fries in.  Ranch is love.  But ranch is also VERY BAD for you.  So… I’m going to look for a low fat fry sauce and barring that, get some fat free ranch specifically mix with ketchup for fries.  And no more ranch for pizza.  And only italian-style dressings for salads.  Woe.
• More fresh fruits and vegatables, whole grains, healthy alternatives.
• No more Cheetos with lunch. SOB.
• No more ice cream or other heavy sweets after dinner except on special occasions.  I will be with Kile on this one and opt for granola bars and fresh fruit, crackers and cheese and maybe a nibble or two of dark chocolate.  I’ve actually gotten rather used to the fruit, cheese and crackers thing for dessert lately and haven’t really felt the need for ice cream.  So this should be easy.
• Instead of a whole bagel on occasion, just a half.  Still get the taste, with half the badness.
• Bacon.  Oh bacon.  I love bacon.  But bacon is basically FAT.  So yeah, no more bacon.  Well, on occasion (remember, no deprivation) but no more bacon cheeseburgers, no more club sandwiches.  Just… no.  Let’s make this as painless as possible, okay?  It’s not you, it’s me.
• That brings me to… salt.  I love salt.  I put salt on about EVERYTHING.  But salt is only for moderate use and I really need to cut back what I am putting salt on.  Woe again.

I think this will give me a good start.  I’ve been “following” it for the last few days, in fact.  So far, so good!  We had chicken salad for dinner last night (no fried chicken… we were good!) with a homemade italian style dressing and tomato soup.  And you know… it was pretty good.  Yesterday morning, I had a fried egg and a half a bagel for breakfast.  I didn’t salt the egg, though I wanted to DESPERATELY.  It will take some getting used to.

But you know… it’s worth it.  There are clothes in my closet that I would like to fit into better by next summer.  So whenever that bacon beckons or the Cheetos call, I will remind myself of that.

Wish me luck!

I like to be snarky online because that’s just how I am.  And I know I’m not alone either, because I know many people who are just as snarky (if not more so) as I am.  Snark is fun.  It’s escapist.  But the thing with fun and escapist is it’s rather hollow.

Something said in snark generally isn’t a cherished ideal.  And it’s not something to build on either.  It’s hollow and will collapse under pressure.

I guess this is my way of saying, you can’t take snark too seriously, ya’ll.  And you can’t believe that’s the end all, be all of how someone feels either.

My life is pretty darned good.  I have many, many blessings.  So many, in fact, that I’m often humbled by it.  I think back to about 7 years ago… 5 years ago… and how the life I lead now seemed like a fairy tale.  The chattering of little voices together, giggling at one another… that was just a dream.  And that I am now living that dream (glamorous though it is) is just amazing.  Wonderfully amazing.

I probably don’t talk about it all the time.  But then again, online, people don’t want to hear sunshine and rainbows ALL the time.  Because we all know that life isn’t that sunny (or rainbow filled).  So if all you blog or Twitter about is what a beautiful day it is and how great it is and how you just love everyone on the planet… well… it rings false.  I have a lot more respect for people who remain wholly positive but will admit from to time that life is kicking their butt.  Because we know that life kicks our butts now and then.  It happens to everyone.  So writing a post or putting out a Twitter or Facebook status that says, “Hey, you know, today is kinda sucking for me.  I need chocolate” is authentic and also endearing.

Besides, the people who say, “What a beautiful Monday morning!  So glad to be alive!” every single Monday morning sorta make me want to ram my head into a wall.   I don’t care who you are, NO ONE wants to hear that from someone on a Monday morning.  We want to hear, “Monday already!  I miss the weekend.  Now where’s my coffee, I’ve got stuff to do!” or even “Blurg… Monday… coffee” will do.  Because it’s authentic.  Because it rings true.  Because there’s people who read that and nod their heads and say, “I hear ya, sister.”

I’ve got NOTHING wrong with being positive.  A little simplified but simplified can be good.  You just have to take care that you don’t dilute your message by only parroting the same thing over and over.  Because after the 10th blog post or 50th Facebook update that says basically the same thing about how wonderful your day/life/etc is, you start to sound like a machine.  There’s no dimension there.  There’s nothing to compare it against.  So the message gets lost and people stop listening and they stop believing what you’re saying.  Because it doesn’t ring true.

There’s a balance to be found… you can’t be negative all the time either.  The people who do nothing more than whine and moan and complain and bitch on their blogs and Twitter are also easy to tune out because, dayum, you’re bringing us down, man! Tell us what’s GOOD too!

I know this could be something for me to work on.  Since it seems I complain a lot on this blog.  But this blog is my outlet for working out how I feel.  And, frankly, positive feelings don’t need to be vented as much as negative ones.  So it’s important to take time to talk about the good stuff too.  Hence this post.

My life is good.  I have great kids, a wonderful husband and a pretty secure lifestyle.  Really, when it comes down to it, what more could I ask for?

Thank you to everyone who had such kind words to me on yesterday’s post.  I didn’t mean for it to come across as “poor me”, though I suppose it kind of did.  It was more a “ack, so much to do and I’m not getting it all done!” sort of post.  Which, you know, that never changes around here.  Heh.  I appreciate the response though.  It’s nice to know there is someone who cares out there.

Me?  I’m fine.  Yesterday was a rough day and I pretty much know WHY it was a rough day.  So I’ve taken steps to make sure today is better.  Because better days are a good thing, right?

I’m back at the knitting and I do feel better about getting my knitting done.  I know I can do it.  I’m pretty quick, after all.  And most of all, I don’t want to let people down.  I hate keeping them waiting and I want to make them happy.  Hello, people pleaser!  But seriously.  Knitting isn’t a problem.  I just wish there were about 10 more hours in the day because DAYUM I’d be dang productive if that were the case, huh?

Of course, it’d be nice if those 10 hours were not hours that I was used as the wee ones personal jungle gym.   I swear, those children love nothing more than to just clamber on me all day.  Even Liam, though the worst offender by far is Evie.  She is on and off my lap constantly.  And I do enjoy interacting with them both but if I’m in the middle of doing something intricate or typing an email, well… You see what I’m saying, I’m sure.

I think I just need an organizer.  Perhaps a personal assistant/nanny/maid too but the organizer would be a good start.

So I’ll just keep on keepin’ on over here.  Don’t worry about me!  I’ll be a-ight.

I want so badly to be better.  Than what, you might ask?  Than I am right now.  I’m not terribly happy with myself right now.

That thunking noise you hear all around me?  Is the sound of a bazillion balls being dropped.  Parenting balls, knitting balls, cleaning balls, wellness balls…  you get the picture.

I want to be a better parent, instead of the one whose patience tends to run short more than it runs long.  The one who, at many points during the day, doesn’t know just how to best handle her kids or how to make them behave or listen to her or show respect or stay off the end table, dangit!  I don’t like being the one who yells when she’s frustrated and though I try very hard every day to work on my responses, I know I have a long, long way to go.

I want to be a better teacher to my children.  Liam needs to be getting potty trained.  The problem is, I haven’t the first idea of how to go about it.  So what do I do when I’m not sure which direction to go?  I avoid it.  And so months drag by and Liam is STILL not potty trained.  Not even close.  I know this needs to change and yet, I don’t do anything to change it.  I feel frustrated and aggravated and as though I’m running out of time.

I want to be better at managing my time.  I’m knitting pretty much constantly, whenever I’m not serving food, wiping butts or entertaining a wiggly toddler on my lap (all three things seem to be happening all the time so maybe not so much with the knitting constantly thing).  Or, you know, SLEEPING.  And as much as I’m getting finished, my “to do” pile seems to loom larger and larger.  At this point, I’m not sure how much time, if any, I’ll have to knit presents for my own family for Christmas.  Because the way it looks right now, I may well be knitting clear up until Christmas Eve.  I should have been better at metering how much I signed on to do.  I just couldn’t say no.  I need to work on that. I need to be better at that.  Because right now, I’m up to my eyeballs in yarn and knitting needles and it’s stressing me out.

I want to be a better blogger.  This posting a couple times a week, IF THAT, is nonsense.  I’m better than that.  And anyone who reads my blog deserves better than that.

I want to be a better housewife.  I don’t cook.  I don’t really clean either.  (See the above statement on being a knitting maniac.)  So what good am I then?  What do I contribute, really?  I see so much around here that needs to be done, or that I need to focus on or whatever and I just am not getting it done.  Because I’m either wiping a butt or making sure someone isn’t scaling the fence at the stairs or trying to get my latest knitting project just FINISHED already.

I want to be better, period.  There’s so many odd things wrong with me.  My teeth.  That’s a big one.  I need to get my thyroid retested and get some refills.   Someday, I’d like to get the screws in my ankle taken care of before they just burst out of my skin altogether.  I want to start taking better care of myself and doing my workout video again.  I had started a couple weeks back on a very good workout video but then Harry got off school for the month and Kile was home for two weeks and I decided to stop until Harry is back at school.  But that means more sitting on my tuckus.  I may be knitting my fingers to the bone, but it’s still just sitting on my tuckus.

I need to be better.  I want to be better.  And I know I can’t just wait for a Fairy Godmother to come along and make it so.  But oh, so hard to make the changes.  And to even know what changes need to be made!

Blah blah blah, story of my life. I can hear you all snoring already.  But really it has been not just a busy weekend, but a busy couple of weeks.  Kile was home on vacation for the last two weeks.  And my productivity, particularly when it applies to this blog, just DROPS when he’s home.  I can knit no matter what but for some reason, things need to be quiet, calm and normal for me to blog.

What a prima donna.

Last week was especially fun though.  My parents belong to this timeshare thing and were spending a few days up in Tahoe with some friends.  They had the condo for four days but were only going to be staying for three.  They asked us if we wanted to come up and stay the extra night there.  Sure!  That would be fun!  We planned to stop there, drop off our stuff, say hi and goodbye to my parents and then go to Apple Hill for the day.   We haven’t been over there since Evie has been born and it always is such a nice way to start off the fall and holiday season.  It never feels quite like Autumn until we’ve been to Apple Hill.

It was a cool and damp sort of day but it ended up being the perfect day to go.  We’ve been in October before when the temperatures were in the 90s and it’s just not near as pleasant.  And also, we discovered that visiting during the week is the PERFECT way to do it.  Sure, maybe not as much is open.  But everything we wanted to do was available and there were very few crowds to deal with.  Shoot, we were able to park right outside the door of Larsen Apple Barn and got personal attention from the employees and a GREAT deal on a monster box of apples.  Bonus!  We tasted wine at Lava Cap, had lunch at Hilltop and enjoyed some truly picturesque scenery.  All in all, it was a BEAUTIFUL day.

And it was so nice to only have to drive back to Tahoe instead of all the way home.  The condo was located on the edge of Zephyr Cove, just a couple blocks from the casinos at South Lake Tahoe.  And I was reminded of just how much I enjoy the mountains.  Towering trees growing up out of parking lots and alpine architecture and pine needles and fireplaces and… ahhh.

We had dinner at Dennys since Kile had a coupon.  We also rented “Year One” at a Redbox (God Bless, Redbox) and watched that with Harry after tucking the little ones into bed.  We munched on popcorn, drank wine (us, not Harry) and relaxed in front of the fire.  It was wonderful.  We could have spent a week there, EASY.

There was a great kitchen too, and Kile made us breakfast the next morning before we packed up to leave.  Before heading back to town, we stopped by Taylor Creek just west of South Lake Tahoe.  We’d heard that there were salmon spawning there and wanted to go check it out.  It took us a while to find it at first but once we found it, it was SO worth it.  There were quite a few people there, including several busses full of school children on a field trip.  There were signs everywhere warning of bears because, obviously, there’s a salmon buffet going on!

You could practically reach out and touch the fish, if you wanted to.  We all learned a lot too, which is always nice.  I’m so glad we stopped.  There was a nice walk back to the information center too.  Nothing beats Lake Tahoe in the Fall.  Just trust me.

We headed back home, stopping at In n’ Out for lunch (of course!).  Good burgers aside, it was almost disappointing to be back home.  We had a great time and I hope we get to do it again sometime.

But yes, last week’s little trip was yet another reason I haven’t been around to post on the blog very much.  I will TRY to be better.  But if Life intervenes, I’m going to side with Life.  You understand.