It's All About Me

Seriously, you could probably write a book about how much stuff they never tell you before having kids.  Or about how they tried to tell all this stuff before you had kids, but you never listened.  Or you listened but you didn’t believe them because you were going to be different!  You’re SPECIAL, damnit.  Ahem.  Something like that.

Anyhow, my point here is that I was never told just how different a mom that I would be to each of my children.  Oh sure, I heard all the talk about how “each child is different”.  And I beleived it because I grew up in a family of five children.  But I guess I never stopped to realize that you are a different mom to each child.  Or is that just me?  Becuase I SWEAR, I never expected to feel so differently each and every time.

There are basics in place, of course.  I’m a pretty laid back mom (NO WAY, you’re KIDDING… ) and generally don’t get too worked up over things.  My kids, more often than not, might have a smear or two on their faces.  My house tends to look a little “rough around the edges” by the end of the day.  I encourage all of them to be able to play on their own without me, though at Liam’s age, I do join in from time to time.  I also don’t put up with much nonsense and demand respectful behavior and adherence to the rules and regulations (be they what they are) around the house.

But as for how I relate to each child?  It has literally amazed me at how differently I interact with each one.  With Harry, he was my first.  We had a very close relationship for the first six years of his life.  As a baby and toddler, though, I think I spent more time worrying about things and focusing on the little things that just aren’t really worth worrying about.  I don’t think I enjoyed the small moments with him as much as I could have.  I was too busy thinking about what I should be doing and what milestones he should be achieving.  I’m pretty sure all first time moms do this.

With Liam, he was our Golden Child.  The miracle baby at the end of a long line of infertility and loss.  I was older than when I’d had Harry.  And with Liam, I have been more patient, and perhaps more indulgent.  Those early days and months were almost literally spent staring into his eyes and just basking in the glow.  The milestones came and went and I noticed but didn’t really care, you know what I mean?  Liam is my monkey boy and as he grows and more of his personality shows, I’m just charmed by him.  To him, I’m a soft lap to cuddle in.  And can I help it if I find it adorable that he calls everyone “mama”?  Even Harry is “mama”.  Kile will try to prompt him to call him “papa” and Liam will actually argue, “No… mama!”

And it’s different with Evie too.  I honestly never thought I’d get to have a little girl.  I figured I would have all boys and that would be that.  So she’s a surprise to me, every day.  And with her, I have yet another special kind of relationship.  We’ll often escape the cacophony of the boys playing to go change a diaper and while I’m cleaning her up, we’ll smile at each other in a way that says, “I’m on your side, sister.”  She doesn’t like loud noises or being handled roughly.  She loves to be sung to and told she’s a multitude of wonderful things (such as being smart, being a big girl, being pretty, etc and so forth).  She loves to study pictures and faces and does so with a sober, serious look on her face.  She is very tactile and tends to “paw” a lot with her hands, generally at my chest or my hands or a blanket (whatever is handy).  I take a delicate hand with her that I never had to have with her brothers.  She is vastly more talkative at this age and I find myself responding to her coos with delight.  It remains to be seen if she’ll be interested in the boy’s toys and playing in the dirt, but for now she’s my girly girl.  And I will admit to treating her as such.

Leave it to these tiny terrors to put our world on it’s ear, huh?  Being a mom at home (or at work, for that matter) isn’t easy and it’s a lot of work to deal with this rigamarole day in and day out.  But stopping to notice the differences and embrace them?  Well that’s just awesome.

And when Harry gets home?  I’m totally going to cheer him on while he plays a rousing round or two of Mario Kart.  Because he is plain awesome at Mario Kart.

Perhaps, just maybe, it’s ironic that I’m speaking on a panel about overcoming introversion at BlogHer this year and I find myself feeling rather, well, introverted about it all?  I don’t know.  I never could really pin down the definition of irony, after all.  Dang that Alanis Morrisette.  She totally screwed me over with that one.

Some of you who are going to BlogHer this year have met me at past BlogHer conferences.  Some of you have not.  For those of you who have not, I want to be sure to tell you what to expect when and if you see me there.  What to look for.  We don’t get a really good physical representation of ourselves on these blogs and I so rarely ever take pictures of myself.  So here goes:

• Despite the hip, new haircut, I’m really rather dorky.  It shows in my physical personna.
• I am tall, about 5′8, and awkward with it.  I don’t wear heels because I don’t want to emphasize it.
• I’m also large boned which makes me feel like a hulkish freak at times.  Tall and Large.  Fantastic.
• Add to that all the excess baby weight that is hanging around.  So yeah, that’s my way of saying I’mon the chunky side.  I definitely have some extra padding (read: back fat, jiggly arms, thunder thighs, floppy belly, big ol’ boobs… you name it).
• I wear glasses.  I take them off usually for pictures of myself but I do wear them all the time.  I can’t see, otherwise.
• My clothes are either out of fashion or ill-fitting or both.  I’ve never been very good at knowing what looks good on me.
• I have big feet, which will probably be wearing flip flops.  Unless I’m wearing jeans. Then I’ll wear sneakers.
• My nails are messed UP.  I hope to have them painted and hopefully looking halfway presentable but they’re an issue for me right now.
• My teeth aren’t so great either.  I have an enormous mouth and big teeth and they don’t look THAT great.  I see myself smiling in pictures and cringe half the time.  I hope to whiten them before going so at least they’ll be white, you know?
• I’m not entirely sure I know what to do with my new ‘do.  I’ve tried a couple times so far and so far it looks pretty sad.  Plus, you know, mah hairs is all gone!  I’m not used to it yet.

So there you go.  Paints a pretty picture, huh?  I’m thinking I did one of these last year too.  Shows you what a self-conscious twit I can be.  But… there you have it.

Also: Am still stressing the budget.  I SO want to stay at the Westin on Friday night.  But Kile keeps hemming and hawing.  He tells me to raise the money.  RIGHT.  And how would I do that?  Perform a little magic trick and it’ll appear?  Voila!  Wouldn’t that be nice?  I’m going to try to sell some of my maternity clothes (now that I don’t need them anymore) that still look nice (the rest are getting donated) and see what that brings in.  I have my latest ad revenue check from BlogHer.  But beyond that?  Ehhhh…

I hate to even SAY it but I considered putting up a PayPal donate button in the sidebar.  You know one of those, “Help me go to BlogHer!” type deals.  But I don’t know, that just feels… weird.  I hate to even think it.  Still, it may come to that.  Perhaps I could offer up some swag to donators come August when the budget has righted itself once more and I can make it to the post office.

I don’t know.  I hate to ask anything of you guys.  You’re all so fabulous and I’m just amazed that I have any readers here at ALL.  You guys, for lack of a better word, ROCK.  I should be sending you guys swag just for showing up day by day.

OY.  We haven’t even been through Sunday yet and I’m already feeling like i’ve had a very full weekend so far.  Some of it good.  Some of it… well.  Maybe not so much.

Friday was a lot of fun.  We met Kile’s sister, her husband and boys at the hotel they were staying at here in town to go in the pool.  It’s a great pool.  I was on the fence about actually going in, seeing as how I lack a bathing suit that fits.  What I ended up doing was putting on a one-piece that does NOT fit, layering a tankini top over that (I don’t have the bottoms) and wearing some old shorts on the bottom.  It worked.  We ALL went into the pool, Evie included.

Once she got over the initial shock, she really enjoyed it.  I held her part of the time we were in the water and, I kid you not, she SLEPT.  Being in the pool PUT HER TO SLEEP.  The girl loves water.  It completely soothed her.  Liam, on the other hand, was VERY unsure about the pool at first.  I carried him in and he whined and clung to my neck as I brought him deeper into the water.  Eventually, however, he was charmed by the splashing and by the bubbles a waterfall feature created.  While Kile was holding him (he was actually able to hold him in the water!), he learned that he could pretend to dunk Kile’s head and the faux-sputtering noises Kile would make were HILARIOUS.  To Liam, at least, who laughed harder than I’ve ever heard someone laugh.

We had to get out of the pool, however, when Liam’s lips turned blue.  It was a little on the cool side.  I took him into the bathroom/locker room to change and there was NO changing table.  Grr.  So I changed him on a towel on the counter.  And then I lost my mind and set him down on the floor next to me and told him to stay put so I could dry myself off.  RIGHT.  I love how I expected that to actually happen.

Liam took off like a shot, so I hurried after him.  I was just behind him as he ran out of the bathroom and towards the gym located opposite the doors.  Of course, the gym was walled in glass.  No one told Liam this little tidbit and he ran RIGHT into the glass wall.  Just like you would see on America’s Funniest Home Videos or something.  As it happens, a group of foreign tourists were walking by at that exact moment and expressed concern.  I assured them he was fine (no crying, etc) as I picked him up and carried him back to the pool area.  Goofy kid.  Of course, he was no worse the wear.  Becuase his head is actually made of granite.

As late as that night was, Saturday started pretty early.  I had my hair appointment at 1pm and I wanted to make sure that I got Evie taken care of and Liam down for a nap before I had to go.  Thing is, we also desperately needed groceries as we had NO FOOD in the house.  I figured that we could solve that by getting up and going out to a quick breakfast (perhaps even just McDonald’s for egg mcmuffins) about 8:30 or so and then go to the grocery store.  As long as we were back by 12, it was no problem.  Well, Kile’s sister and brother in law wanted to meet for breakfast.  They suggested 9 am and I made the mistake of thinking, “I wouldn’t want to be meeting any later than that!” while Kile was thinking, “I wonder if they’ll even be awake by 9.”

Turns out?  Kile was right.  So we met at more like 10 am.  And we went to Denny’s, which was fine, but we went to one that was heck and gone from anything else, including where we live.  We had to stop and get gas and got there just ahead of them and got seated.  After breakfast, we went to the nearest Walmart which was still a good ways away from there.  It was a lot of driving.  They took Harry with them for the day, as they were doing a little shopping and then going to a water park.  I was unsure about that, since our schedule was a little precarious, but knew Harry would have a blast and I didn’t want to deny him that.

By the time we got to Walmart, it was almost 11:30.  NOT MUCH TIME.  We decided we’d just have to go again tomorrow and to just get what we needed for the day.  And quickly!  I was impressed… we made it out of there just before 12.  But the drive home was stressful.  Stuck behind slow drivers on two lane roads and then a big accident on the interstate slowed us down.  We didn’t roll into our driveway until nearly 12:30, which is about the time I needed to leave for my appointment.  I had just enough time to lay Liam down for his nap (he’d already dozed in the van, so I was nervous that he would take a nap at all) and get going. I didn’t have time to feed Evie or anything.  I felt bad leaving Kile like that.

I hurried downtown and made it to my appointment just in time.  It was a cute little salon run by a bunch of adorable looking gals.  It felt very trendy and I felt very nervous about my haircut.  I went in there with hair that basically looked like this:

I walked out with hair that looked like this:

OH. MY. STARS.  Where’d all my hair go?? I’m having a real hard time getting used to it.  Sure, it’s a cute, hip, modern ‘do and that’s something I haven’t had in a real long time.  On the other hand, it’s a cute, hip, modern ‘do on ME and I’m just not used to that.  Every time I catch a glimpse of my hair, I double-take and then want to go hide somewhere because WHERE’D ALL MY HAIR GO??

I’m going to be dying it a little lighter.  I wouldn’t mind some accenting highlights but I’m SO cheap that not only will I not get it dyed in a salon (hello Herbal Essences hair color!), I’m also too cheap to buy a box of highlighting goop.  But you heard me mention before that my overnight stay at the Westin is in jeopardy here so I’m cutting corners where I can!

So what do YOU guys think?  It freaks me out, even looking at pictures of it.  It’s sure lighter though, I’ll give it that.  I find myself hoping I’ll grow in some length soon.

I got home and Liam was crying in his crib and Evie had resisted all manner of bottle and contents before reluctantly taking SOMETHING to tide her over until I got home.  Liam settled, who knows why he woke up in the first place.  But Kile was obviously beat and fell asleep promptly in his chair.

We had plans to go to the drive-in and see “Wall-E” last night, but my sister in law still had Harry and we didn’t know when we would be getting him back.  And no one answered their cell phone when we called.  It got later.  And later.  My dreams of having pizza for dinner (a real craving of mine lately) faded.  Before long, we wondered if we would even make the drive-in at all.  Finally, they called and we went to meet them.  If we were going to the movie, we were going to be cutting it close.  We’d have to pick up fast food for dinner on the way and eat it there.  OR we could go to the movie on Sunday night and go do pizza up right.  We made the mistake of presenting the options to Harry.

Harry wanted to see the movie last night and burst into tears at there mere notion of having to wait a WHOLE DAY to go see it (and didn’t understand when we assumed he was tired because of the irrational tears).  So, we made a break for it.  And wouldn’t you know, the drive-in was PACKED.  Apparently, word has gotten out that drive-ins are cool again because everyone and their DOG was there.  We got a fairly horrible spot back by the snack bar but at least it had a straight-shot view of the screen.  It was a good hour or so until the movie was set to begin so we had plenty of time to eat our dinners and get situated.

I wasn’t real crazy about it; I’d forgotten Evie’s bouncer seat AND Boppy pillow, both of which are handy at being places to have her be without having my arms tied up.  Plus, we were packed in like sardines and I’m sorry, but that’s not real condusive to private breastfeeding.  Also, the light and noise from the snack bar were pretty distracting.  But… we made it work.  And the movie was adorable.  I wouldn’t mind seeing it again under less stressful circumstances.

We were surprised at how much Liam seemed to enjoy it.  Close to the end, he started to get whiny and such but he was exhausted by that point.  Until then, he watched the screen with rapt attention and laughed and shrieked and had a grand ol’ time.  It was really cute to watch.

Still, we ended out the day on a very frustrated note.  Kile was tired and admitted he hadn’t had a very good day at all.  Neither had I, partially because I felt it was my fault (the whole hair appointment and everything) that he had such a bad day and was so grouchy.  I hoped Sunday would be better.

And really?  It has been.  We haven’t done much besides go shopping (we missed church because we were rather lazy this morning).  We checked out the new Whole Foods here in town (LOVE) and ate at In ‘n Out Burger and shopped at Walmart and Sam’s Club.  We have food again!  YAY!  I won’t have to be so gosh darned hungry this week!

I am exhausted now though.  I have aches on top of aches.  Lugging Liam around, even for short distances, is starting to take it’s toll.  While I am hoping for toned arms, I am definitely getting stiff and sore shoulders.  The top of my back hurts every time I move it.  My legs are screaming at me for the miles I’ve traversed in the name of retail today.  And I’m STILL not used to my hair.

I feel like I’ve got a head full of cotton this week or something.  I’m starting to think I’m not getting enough caffeine.  This is something I may have to remedy this next month.  Because I need to function.  And when I catch myself staring at the wall during downtime (ha!  what’s that??), a trail of drool on my chin and my eyes stuck in a vacant expression… well, I have to assume it’s because I need SOMETHING, right?

(Of course, it could be the current lack of thyroid medication.  I do plan to work on that.  Soon.  Ish.  Don’t pester me!)

So anyhow, I’m going to take the opportunity to catch ya’ll up on some of the mundane details of our lives this last week.  What we have all been up to and that sort of jazz.  You’re welcome.

***

Liam is cute, as always.  He’s been very adorable this week, perhaps wanting to make up for earlier in the month when I wanted to throttle him.  He has been attentive to his baby sister (a little on the rough side, perhaps, but attentive nonetheless), sharing his Hot Wheels with her.  He and Harry have been playing together an awful lot, which is great for getting the energy out of both of them.  Sometimes I do have to remind Harry to be careful with him, he’s still just a baby.  But Liam loves to rough-house and laughs his fool head off the whole time they’re playing.

Right now, they’re both watching “Cars” and every now and then, Liam will take a break from playing with his toys to gaze at the screen.  This is definitely a big hit with him.  Of course, it has CARS in it.

He’s been better about eating.  I feel I should knock on wood when I say that.  But I also haven’t been forcing the issue too much.  I do wish there was more variety in what he would eat and that he would consent to more fresh foods, especially meats, vegetables and fruit.  BUT… I’ll take what I can get.  Anyone have any spiffy ideas along these lines?

***

Evie has been a lot more predictable this week.  She’s been a lot more interested in taking actual naps so I’ve been trying to take advantage of that.  In the morning, it’s not so easy, but in the afternoons we’ve taken to going upstairs together.  I’ll often nurse her in our bed and then leave her there while I take a shower, go through my closet (more on that in a minute), do laundry, etc and so forth.  Liam is napping so I’m free to do whatever I need to do with her.  And so far, she’s been great about sleeping.  Okay, admitedly, a time or two I napped with her.  I’m not made of steel here, people.

Yesterday, I laid her down and nursed and then left her be.  She snoozed and started to wake after a good while.  I nursed her again, thinking she would be ready to get up but that I would get a nursing in before she did.  But she fell back asleep for about another hour.  If I recall, I did something similar with Liam (minus the nursing) and had him nap in our bed until I finally moved him to his crib.  I’m not going to rush this, just go at her speed.  But being able to nap in a bed setting is an awesome thing.

I just wish we had a monitor, then I could feel comfortable to go downstairs while she slept.  Right now, we have a monitor set up in Liam’s room (often the only way I can tell he has woken up without going up to check on him!).  We have another cheapo monitor but it’s so cheap that it picks up the other monitor and won’t work on it’s own.  Anyone know a good solution for this?  Do I need to get a seperate (digital, perhaps?) monitor for Evie?

***

Harry is keeping busy and not driving me too nuts.  I’ve had some funny conversations with him this last week (one involving mustaches and his intention to grow one when he can… GAH!).  Like I said, he’s been playing a lot with Liam.  He’s also been playing a lot of Wii.  Mario Kart is still the big hit around here and Harry is actually pretty danged good at it.  He’s unlocked a lot of the special content and takes a certain thrill in knocking Baby Peach off of ledges.

He still frustrates me, though, when it comes to shoes.  He’s completely worn through the new shoes we got him a couple months ago.  Turns out, he was using the one foot to break when riding his Razor scooter and it completely wore the shoe down so that his FOOT shows through the side.  OY.  The only other pair of closed shoes he has at the moment are lace-up boot-style shoes and he just cannot get the hang of tying shoes.  Yes, he is almost 9.  He keeps telling me he forgot how.  (insert image of me slapping my forehead)  Obviously, we’re going to have to buy some shoes this month.

And part of the reason for needing new shoes is… THIRD GRADE!  I swear, my heart skipped a beat as I typed that.  He starts on July 7 (Liam’s 2nd birthday!  GAAH!).  New backpack, new clothes, new shoes… I cannot believe he’s in THIRD GRADE.  What the heck happened to KINDERGARTEN?  He was in preschool when I started this blog, ya’ll.  This ain’t right.

***

Kile is recovering.  Slowly.  He’s back at work this week, but comes home in the evening exhausted.  Believe it or not, summer is an insanely busy time at a university.  That’s when all the work gets done, apparently.  It’s sort of their “crunch time”.  So there hasn’t been a lot of opportunity for him to sit down and rest at work, I think.

Of course, he’s been going in rather early.  Early for HIM, I guess.  Normally he was leaving the house at 8 or later.  This week, it’s been common for him to be out of the house by 7:30.  Now, one would think that then maybe he’d leave a little early, even if that is at 4:30.  That’s what he SHOULD be doing.  But no, he’s leaving at 5:30, or later.  Which is better than 6 or 6:30 like he might normally.  But then, he normally would leave that late because he was going in late.

But try explaining to him that he should either go in late and come home late or go in early and come home early.  DEAF EARS, I tell you.  It’s like talking to a wall.

When he does get home, he’s pretty much toast.  He even fell asleep during the first hour of “I Love the New Millenium” last night.  That’s got to tell you something right there.

***

As for me?  I’m getting my haircut tomorrow!  It’s at a “cool, hip” new salon downtown.  I’m actually a little nervous about it, to be honest.  I fear I’m not cool enough for this place.  I’ve read reviews online and several of the (glowing) reviews mentioned how this is a great place for everyone!  Even SOCCER MOMS.  As if that is so incredible to believe.  I fear they will think I’m an enormous nerd.  And will they think I’m an even more enormous nerd when I ask for an a-line graduated bob?  I find myself trying to figure out what to wear, hoping I’ll look somewhat normal.

I’m also worried about how much it will cost.  I hope it’s not too expensive.  What do haircuts cost you all, so I can I get a good idea?  I haven’t paid over $40, not including tip, so I’m just not sure what to expect.

As I mentioned up above, I’ve been cleaning out my closet.  I already have about two metric tons of old clothes to donate and I think I could probably get about two tons more.  There are a LOT of clothes I have that I never wear anymore (and some I never have worn at all, but were hand-me-downs).  Plus, there’s a bunch of maternity clothes that I will not be wearing.  Some of those I will be selling becuase they are really nice and in nice condition, but the rest are getting donated.

I even have quite the pile of shoes to donate.  My closet is actually starting to look (gasp) organized.  Perhaps now I’ll actually hang things up instead of throwing them in a pile on top of my dresser.  It’s all part of a greater plan to simplify and toss stuff that we don’t need or use.  LESS STUFF.  It’s a big goal, people.  Because we?  Have a lot of stuff.  A LOT.  Don’t get me started on the garage.

***

So that’s the story from around these parts.  WHEW.  That ended up being longer than I expected.  Apparently, I had quite a bit to say.  At any rate, I’m SO glad it’s a Friday and that the weekend (and payday!) stretches before us.  Anyone here have any big plans?  My biggest plan is my haircut (photos to follow, hopefully!).  And maybe some sleep?  Definitely some coffee or something.  We’ll see!