Category Archive for Waiting for Shmear

So, its done. Today we got up at the crack of dawn and I typed my earlier post while waiting for K to finish getting ready. Me, I was as ready as I was going to be. We got to the hospital just as the sun was rising and I remember feeling resentful of that sunrise. I didn’t want it to be beautiful, which it was. I wanted it to be overcast (which it is now, as luck would have it). We went through admitting, in a sort of fog. We were shuffled up to the “Same Day Surgery” floor and given a “quiet room” to wait in.

There was a tv/vcr sort of deal with “O Brother, Where Art Thou” in it so we watched that. H ignored both of us and worked feverishly on his magna doodle. Nurses came and went, giving me gowns to put on, taking blood, putting in IV’s. I talked to the anesthesiologist and assured him this wasn’t my first rodeo as far as general anesthesia was concerned. I think that made him feel his job was easier, so that’s good. I think four different people asked me what I was having done today, just to make sure I knew and they knew and no one was being forced into this deal. Except that I was but that’s neither here nor there. It had to be done. I just didn’t have to like it. Our doc came in last, to go over some last minute things with us and then I was off.

Filed under Sucking a Tail Pipe, Waiting for Shmear |

Before I leave for the hospital, I just want to share some of the things that are going through my head.

• It’ll be nice to get rid of this stuffing. Every time I sit up or sit down, it feels like I’m sitting on a rock
• I’ve now suffered the dreaded triad of reproduction: Infertility, Stillbirth and now Miscarriage. One is bad enough, two is nearly unbearable…but three? Come on! Give me a friggin’ break already!
• Why do all of my pregnancies have to end in general anesthesia?
• I wish all the medical websites I’ve been to in the last day or two wouldn’t call it an “abortion”. It makes it sound like I had a choice in the matter. I know its the “medical” term but they need to find a new one. Maybe “fetal evacuation”. Makes it sound more like there was a fire or something and I didn’t control it. Which is what it feels like.
• God, I hope everything goes okay.
• I have some of the best internet friends a girl could possibly want in a time like this. How lucky am I, in that regard?

See ya on the flip side…

Filed under General Snark, Sucking a Tail Pipe, Waiting for Shmear |

So I had my ever-so-wonderful appointment. Thankfully, we both were able to keep it together better than yesterday. And just as I had suspected: “less discomfort” is a giant crock of shit. Let’s just cut the bullshit and say what it really is: PAIN. So here I am, packed with seaweed and gauze, laying in bed with my laptop, watching Dr. Phil and cruising my blogfriends, looking for a laugh and a smile.

OB said I was already starting to bleed a little. That maybe my body was going into this on its own. She mentioned the possibility of us needing to go to the emergency room tonight. Which would of course just make my week because what the heck would we do with our son?? Let’s just hope things hold off till tomorrow morning.

In the meantime, pass the Motrin.

Filed under Sucking a Tail Pipe, Waiting for Shmear |

To say that today is unhappy is probably a gross understatement. Before I say anything else, however, I want to thank everyone and their well wishes. That really means a lot to me.

I’ve had some time to digest all this but I’m still rather numb. How am I supposed to know what to think? How am I supposed to even deal with this? I have to say, it just about figures. We’ve had such rotten luck lately, such awful things happen to us. So while we are shocked by what happened at my appointment yesterday, I don’t think we’re too surprised. It just FIGURES.

Today I get to go in again. Of course, on top of everything I’m worried about being able to get out in time to get H from Kindergarten. The big thing they’re going to do is insert what is called a “laminaria“. Basically, a seaweed sort of thing that absorbs moisture and dialates my cervix as naturally and painlessly as possible. HOWEVER, having had cervix’s dialate in the past, either a little or a lot, I have doubts that there is “little discomfort” like they say. I’m prepared to be hating life.

Tomorrow morning is the “d&e“. That doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun either, even though I’ll be under general anesthesia for the procedure (general anesthesia and I are getting to be close buddies). And I imagine afterward, other than pain, I’ll be feeling emptier than I feel even now. I still can’t believe I’m going through this. It’s unreal. It’s unfair.

Then it’s off to my parent’s house for the weekend, as we’d planned months ago. No point in cancelling that now, especially when H is so looking forward to it. Just because we’re miserable and want to hole up with our bottles of liquor doesn’t mean we have to ruin his weekend. So we’re going. But we dont’ expect to enjoy ourselves much.

So that’s what’s going on around here. Wish me luck.

Filed under Sucking a Tail Pipe, Waiting for Shmear |