Tag Archives: blogging

Farewell to 2012…

I meant to post something last week about how it was a blogging anniversary of sorts.  Counting the years gets kind of scary so I’ve sort of stopped doing that.  But it’s been a while since I started this here blog.  I didn’t post because life and you all know how that goes.  So just imagine that I said something about “wow, how things have changed since I started blogging, blah blah blah,” okay?

Right now I want to focus on the end of the year stuffs.  I can’t believe 2012 is already over.  This was quite a year, a big year for me personally.  I was just looking back at my post from the end of last year and am reminded of how awful 2011 was and I feel even MORE glad that this last year was so good.

For one thing, much less tragedy.  Oh, there’s definitely been tragedy in the world and strife and war and famine and horrible things.  But it doesn’t seem quite as close as it did last year.  We also have much less money this year.  But that didn’t seem to make this last year any less pleasant so I’m thinking money can just go take a flying leap because it’s presence doesn’t guarantee happiness.  It’s absence certainly doesn’t make things terribly wonderful but life can still be good without it so I think that says something.  I, myself, am MUCH happier and healthier and better off than I was last year.  I found my happy place this last year and I’m not entirely sure if I can pinpoint that to one specific thing.  Taking my thyroid meds certainly has helped.  Doctor Who has also helped.  And maybe I was just tired of feeling sad.

So let’s look at pop culture stuffs!  Since that’s what I talked about last year, it seems fitting to do it this year as well.

Music of 2012

My BIG song of the year?  That’s a tough one.  I had quite a few.  I think if I had to point to ONE, though, it would be “Some Nights” by Fun.  I absolutely adore that song.  It’s stirring and inspiring and I can’t help but sing along whenever I hear it.  But it is jostling with a host of other songs that I loved this last year, including:

  • “We Are Young” by Fun. (of course!) – same goes, gotta sing along, very stirring.
  • “Starships” by Niki Minaj – this is a dance-y song!  Don’t be hatin’, I love this one.
  • “One More Night” by Maroon 5 – I can’t explain my love for this one.  No wait, I *can* but I don’t want to.
  • “Glad You Came” by The Wanted – Catchy. ;)

There’s also songs that meant a lot to me this year that either did NOT come out this last year or that I’m not sure if it was this last year or 2011.  Those songs include:

  • “The Scientist” by Coldplay – this is a new absolute favorite.  Piano, guitar and absolutely HAUNTING lyrics.  Love love love love this one.
  • “Cosmic Love” by Florence + the Machine – I love Florence and this is my fave of hers but that’s saying something because I have like 5 favorites of hers and its a close race.
  • “Run” by Snow Patrol – UGH UGH UGH.  Perfect song.

This is but a nibbling of the songs I’ve loved this last year.  Really, its been a very musical year for me, I’ve found it so inspiring… in a way that I haven’t in a long, long time.

Television of 2012

Oh you had to know this was coming!  Obviously, topping this list is “Doctor Who” but you might be surprised to hear that its not the most recent episodes of this show that I love.  That’s because back in 2010, the show changed completely and while its not HORRIBLE, it’s not the way I loved it.  My favorite are the shows that aired from 2005-2009.  That gets hard to explain around people who don’t even know what the show is ABOUT.  So mostly I just smile and say, “I love Doctor Who” and let them make of it what they will.  I’ve been amazed, actually, at how much public attention the show has gotten since I started watching.  It would appear I’m not the only one to be caught by this one!  I expect to see that continue this next year since 2013 is the 50th Anniversary of the show.  I expect by this time next year I’ll still be grousing over what I think went wrong with the Anniversary specials (since we know there will be specials, we’re not stupid).

But what else did I like watching this last year?

  • “Once Upon a Time” – oh lordy… this is a great show.  Its like fairytale AU and I love it even with its overly complicated plots here in season 2.
  • “Sherlock” – I discovered this one this last year too and its a great show.  I feel very bad for its devoted fans tho, having to wait so long for series 3.
  • “Downton Abbey” – a show I never expected to enjoy and neither did Kile but yet we were both sucked in entirely.
  • “The Walking Dead” – I don’t want to love this show but its just so… DISTURBING AND WRONG.  I can’t look away.

HBO kinda fell from favor with me this last year.  I didn’t enjoy the usual shows as much as I have before.  I didn’t even really dig “Breaking Bad” as much as I have in the past (hopefully that’ll change when it comes back this spring).

Movies of 2012

I haven’t been to the theater too much this year but perhaps more than I was able to the year before.  I’d say my favorite theater movie was “The Avengers”.  I mean, COME ON.  Joss Whedon directing a cast of amazing super heroes?  NO CONTEST.  And it had Loki, played by the adorable Tom Hiddleston.  There wasn’t anything not to love about that movie.  Also of note:

  • “The Artist” – saw this one on our Oscar movie stroll and LOVED it.

I really didn’t see a lot of movies this year and I didn’t get excited much about what I did see.  But somehow I don’t feel very bad about this.

Books of 2012

Okay, look.  I didn’t read a lot of books this year but I have been reading a LOT and writing a LOT as well, so that should count for something.  But if you’re looking for a book recommendation, I gotta say Jenny Lawson’s “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”.   And let’s PLEASE try to forget E.L. James’ “50 Shades of Grey”.

So that, as they say, is that!  The year in a very compartmentalised nutshell!  I’ll try to be back tomorrow to discuss resolution type stuffs.  Everyone have a happy and safe New Years Eve.  Have one for me. ;)

What the heck happened to blogging?

Okay, I know I’ve been out of the blog loop for an inexcusable amount of time.  Knitting has completely absorbed my attentions the last couple years and while I’ve kept up on a handful of blogs, its safe to say that when it comes to blogging politics that I’m not entirely “up” on the latest dish.

I’ve been reading more and spending more time on blogs lately, even if I’m perhaps not blogging here myself as much as I probably should.  And I’ve been noticing that things are… different.  I mean, of course they are.  Everything changes over time, regardless of whether we want it to or not.  It’s inevitable.  But sometimes you have to shake your head and wonder at the WHY and the HOW and the What are they THINKING??

There always some division between “big blogs” and “little blogs”.  I can remember that from the olden days and how it was an oft discussed (and argued) topic at pretty much every BlogHer I ever went to.   But it seems that division is even more pronounced these days.  The “big blogs” are bigger, the “little blogs” are littler.  How does one distinguish between a big and a little blog, you ask?  Now, I’m not entirely sure of the answer here.

In my mind, at least, a “big blog” is presented with not just more readers and exposure, but with opportunities as well. Paid trips and swag and all that lovely good stuff.  But yes, the primary factor would be readership.  If you have a lot of readers and a lot of comments, then chances are you a “big blog”.  If Pepsi flies you out to their headquarters or you are selected to “try and review” a new washer and dryer, then you are probably a “big blog”.

A “little blog”, on the other hand, would be someone who doesn’t have many readers and even fewer comments.  (I think we can see where I fall in all of this… hello?  Anyone still out there?  Is this thing on??)  A “little blog” doesn’t receive many opportunities for travel or swag or anything like that.  I receive something to review from time to time, but no washers and dryers yet (dangit).  Usually its more likely to be a book or some coupons or something.   I don’t complain because, hey, at least I get that, right?  Sweet!  Some “little blogs” don’t get any opportunities at all.  Sometimes, not always, there might be some resentment or jealously on the part of the “little blog” when they see all the goodies the “big blogs” get.

I’ve been jealous but only in the most superficial sense of the word.  Heck YEAH I’d love a trip to NYC or Chicago (without kids!) to play with other bloggers and try out new products.  Dang, who wouldn’t!  That’s just plain awesome right there.  But do I resent them because of it?  Not really.  Because they’re not me and I don’t really *know* them and how can I therefore pass judgement on them?  That doesn’t seem entirely fair.  I don’t care if someone thinks a “big blog” doesn’t deserve it because of their writing or their huge list of friends or whatever.  Because it doesn’t really matter to me.

All I really care about when it comes to blogs, both big and little, is if I like what I read.  Do I enjoy this person’s posts?  Do they make think or laugh or cry or in some way pause in my day to reflect?  That means so much more to me than what their readership is.   Sometimes, yes, I do enjoy reading the “big blogs”, even though I know that person wouldn’t likely give me the time of day if they saw me at BlogHer.  But I enjoy their posts so I keep coming back.  And sometimes I enjoy a “little blog” that maybe only me and one other person read.  But I like what they have to say and I want to read more.

And when it comes to this blog, what matters to me most is that I have some place that I can come and write out a bunch of words that may or may not get read by anyone else.  It’s an outlet and a source of comfort to me.  If you find yourself reading blogs or participating in the community with any goal other then finding an outlet, feeling comfortable, laughing, crying or thinking?  Then maybe you need to stop and reevaluate what you are doing.  Life is too short and the world is too scary of a place right now to indulge in anything negative simply for the sake of being negative.

Think about it.

Out of the blogging loop

Oh, we all know that my posting schedule around here has become less “schedule” and more “omgsheactuallyposted!”  So the fact that I haven’t been blogging much is of little surprise to, oh, anyone.  But along with not blogging, comes not reading blogs.  Something I used to spend a fair deal of time doing, I do maybe once a week.  And maybe just one or two blogs.

I have shame over this.

Reading isn’t like reading newspaper articles or books or magazines.  It’s reading about someone’s life, as they’re living it, and immersing yourself in it.  You get caught up in their struggles, their joys, their peeves and their families.  And then, when you kind of go off the grid as I have… you lose that touch.  You fall out of the loop, so to speak.

And then a day like today comes along and while I was knitting, I actually poked into my Google Reader and clicked on a few blogs.  I also unsubscribed from an embarrassing number of blogs but in my defense, having too much to read right now actually discourages me from reading.  So I figure, the less to read, the more I will read?  Or something like that?  But anyhow, yes, I started to read a few blogs.  And, honestly, my jaw dropped on more than a few occasions.  Her baby is a year old… wasn’t she pregnant just last week?  And she had a baby! OMG.  I didn’t even know she was pregnant!  And she… oh she…. she is actually, honest-to-god PREGNANT and I swear, I teared up.  I even pumped my fist in the air and said YES!

People have moved to new houses, new states, new COUNTRIES… people have gotten new jobs, quit old jobs, gotten promoted…. people’s children are going off to kindergarten (weren’t they just in diapers two months ago?) and college and oh lord in heaven.

I am so behind.

But this is what happens when you fall in the grips of what I have fallen into.  It’s a tangled web of depression, two rowdy children, knitting knitting knitting, message board obsession, more depression, social anxiety, more knitting, cloth diapers, terrible twos, even-more-terrible THREES, and some more crippling social anxiety.  WHEW.  I’ve been busy.

Digging oneself out of such a hole as I find myself in isn’t easy.   It doesn’t happen overnight.  Things have been.. okay.  There’s up days and there are down days.  Stress makes it worse.  I’m having to learn all over again how to… manage my life.  It’s all about baby steps.  No, I’m not getting the care I should for my thyroid BUT I am doing the dentist thing.  Progress!  I’m trying to keep a better handle on my knitting workload so I don’t get so bogged down and stressed out.  It’s a delicate balance, however.  Especially when you consider that I pretty much HAVE to have something to knit at all times.  And why knit for myself/my family when I can knit for someone else?  And yeah, it’s hard to blog while you’re knitting.  Those needles sure do get in the way.  (Even as I write this?  I’m also knitting.  Which means I type a sentence… knit… type another sentence… knit… This is surely compulsive behavior, yes?)  (Can one be a compulsive knitter?  Is there such a thing?) (If so, then I SO AM.)

I want to be a better blogger, but I also want to be a better blog READER.  I want to read about these people’s lives again.  I hate feeling out of the loop.

Further evidence of my suckage

Okay, so the frequency of posting here has been less then stellar lately but there is a good (GOOD!) reason for that.  I’ve been super duper productive with the knitting.  I have FINALLY got my customs list under control and an knit some things for “in stock”.  This is a big deal for me.  Time management with the knitting is a big fail, generally.  So getting a handle on it, even at the exclusion of blogging, is a great success.

So YAY for that.

But not so yay for the blogging.  Because I hate hate hate leaving a post up for two weeks at a time with no update at all.  I used to post every day.  Without fail. And now I’m all Flakey McFlakerton with the blogging because I obviously can’t juggle more than one hobby at a time. STILL, I’m not throwing in any towels on blogging.  Every blog has a lull, right?  You all still love me, RIGHT?

It was a big weekend around here, as all weekends at the end/beginning of the month are.  Lots of shopping to get done, lots of errands, lots of time out of the house.  I both love and dread these weekends.  I love them because it’s fun to have lots of things to do.  And most of the shopping is necessity type stuff but there is some “fun” shopping in there somewhere.  That’s always fun.  We went to Kohl’s on Friday night and on top of their marvelous sale prices, we also had an awesome 20% off coupon too so we saved like an INSANE amount of money on a lot of things we probably would have bought anyhow.  Which of course makes it even better.

I’m stuck at home all day, every day, and getting out of the house even if it is to buy cereal and toilet paper, is always a thrill.  Wow.  I guess that sounds kind of pathetic when I put it that way.

So what’s new with you guys?  Any plans for mother’s day this year?  I have no idea what I want to do as the first things that come to mind are virtually impossible to accomplish so … help me out here!  What was your best mother’s day EVER?

NaBloPoFail

So pretty much every year since I’ve been blogging, I’ve done NaBloPoMo.

Except this year.

You wanna hear my excuse?  It’s really good, I swear.

Ready?

Okay.  Here it is:

I forgot.

Seriously.

I totally forgot.  And because I’m an absentee internet-er on the weekend, I didn’t see other people’s NaBloPoMo posts until, oh, yesterday.  Afternoon.

*cough*

I’m kinda disappointed in myself here.  I mean, this is the confirmation that I have been sucking at this blogging this lately.  I forgot NaBloPoMo, for crying out loud.  I rocked that dang thing every single year (not that I won anything, oh ho no).  I could have rocked it this year too.  Or, you know, at least used it to get myself out of this stupid slump I’m in.

So yeah.  No NaBloPoMo here this year.  I have the shame.

Maybe I’ll try to post every day anyhow.  But since I’m not “official”, I can’t see that sticking too well.  Damnit!

Oh well, there’s always next year, right?

And so it is Monday

I haven’t posted in a few days because it’s been a roller coaster sort of week.  My mood bottomed out about midweek for no good reason and left me flat and absolutely uninterested in pretty much anything, including blogging.  Perhaps, especially blogging.  And those of you who blog know, the longer you go without posting, the harder it can be to start again.  It hasn’t been for lack of anything to post about.  Perhaps, there has been too MUCH to post about.  There has been a lot going on.  And, I’m sorry to say, not all of it has been good.

But first, I want to talk about the good.  Harry had a parent/teacher conference last week.  I stayed home with the brats little ones while Kile went with Harry (his teacher actually requested that the students come with their parents!).  And when Kile got home, I heard that Harry was going to be getting STRAIGHT A’S this trimester.  This means he will be on the principal’s list, yet again.  This is all the more remarkable when one takes into account his teacher, who is easily the toughest teacher he has had to date.  We are incredibly proud of him and have been urging him to keep up the good work.  I know every parent thinks their child is a genius, and I suppose we’re no different.  But it’s always wonderful to see someone else who is unbiased reinforce our beliefs.

There’s also been a lot of inconsequential things happening, that I think are worth note anyhow.

Like Harry’s newfound love for the “High School Musical” movies.  Ever since returning from our Disney Extravaganza, he’s been more interested in the shows on the Disney Channel.  I admit that I was curious to finally see these movies after all these years so when I saw them come on, I recorded them to the DVR.  And yeah, I like them.  And Harry likes them.  And so now, almost every night, while we’re putting the wee ones to bed after dinner, I can hear Harry downstairs watching one of the movies for the umpteenth time.  I think I have “The Boys Are Back” permanently etched into my memory.

The Air Races were this last weekend and while it’s kinda cool on one level, it’d give it up in a heartbeat to be able to move away from Reno forever.  But while we’re here, I can only hope that in future years they limit the Blue Angels stunt show to a time that ISN’T smack in the middle of naptime.  Those jets are LOUD.

And now, to the bad.  I found out over the weekend that my best friend’s mother, who has cancer, was not doing very well and my friend was planning to fly home to see her.  Then, an email from my friend this morning told me that her mom had passed.  And she hadn’t been able to get home in time to say goodbye.  And I’m just simply devastated for her.  I can hardly think of anything else.  And as soon as I know more of funeral or memorial plans, I hope to drive down to San Jose so I can be there for her and pay my respects.

How terribly, terribly unfair for her to lose her mother.  I ache for her loss.

So yeah.  It’s a Monday.  And there is both good and bad in the world.  Sometimes, I have a hard time seeing past the bad.   But I must always remember that the good is out there.

Flake

I’ve been a big time, grade A, first class blog flake lately.

Not exactly news for anyone who has been keeping track of my update schedule over here, to be sure.  But I’ve also been a flake in keeping up at my friends’ blogs.  Now THAT is pretty sad.  This knitting obsession of mine has taken over.  Any spare time is spent knitting.  And while I will often compose pithy and humorous blog posts in my mind while I’m knitting my bazillionth pair of baby pants, composing something in your mind isn’t quite the same as putting the knitting needles aside and typing it up on the laptop.  And Google Reader is literally starting to get cobwebs around the corners.  I used to do the bulk of my blog reading while I was nursing Evie, via my iPhone.  But lately I’ve been sucked into some stupid iPhone games and that is generally what I’m doing when I would normally be reading blogs.

What is my excuse?  I don’t have one.

And I feel bad, because I feel like I’ve missed out on some things with some of the bloggers I consider myself closest to.  What does it say that I just found out like two days ago that Brit’s blog was busted?  Something I could have helped her with, I’m sure, but I was a flake.  So I didn’t.

That’s not cool.

Shoot, I spend more time on Facebook, reading up on people’s statuses than I do reading their blogs.

This has to change.  I don’t want to be “that blogger”.  The one who is completely out of the loop and detached from the community.  I know notgoing to BlogHer this year has affected me this way.  Why bother to connect to the community when I’m not going to BlogHer?  What’s the point?  Of COURSE there is a point.  But when you’re a) lazy and b) occupied elsewhere, well… excuses come easy.

There’s no reason why I can’t keep up my blog and read my favorite blogs though I’m not going to BlogHer.  And there’s no reason I can’t do this while I continue knitting.  I just need to get my act together.

I hate being a slave to stats, but the stats don’t lie.  And they show a significant drop in the last six months.  Again… NOT COOL.  I’m letting people down.  I’ve become BORING.  GAH!

So I gotta knock that off.  Anyone have any helpful suggestions?  Wanna come over here and kick me in the pants?  Anyone? (Is anyone still here?)

Step Back

I’m sure you’ve all noticed that over the last several months, my blog has taken somewhat of a backseat in my life.  This has been about a year in the making, it seems.  Ever since Evie was born, I started cloth diapering and then knitting, well… my mind has been focused elsewhere.

I want to make something clear:  I am not quitting the blog.  I’ll probably always have a blog, at least for as long as it is feasible in my life.  Having this sort of outlet is essential to me, I think.

But at the same time, I’ve definitely taken a step back from the marketing of my blog.  I’ve decided that it’s really not for me.  Making a brand out of this blog or my name or whatever, just doesn’t interest me at this stage in the game.  Besides, I never was very good at it.  I don’t have a head for business matters like that.  And I’m not near aggressive enough to make it successful.

I’ve decided that, for now, I’m just happy with my blog as it is right now and if it makes me $50 a month or $0, that’s fine with me.  Anything above and beyond the pure satisfaction of writing my posts and putting them out there is just icing on the cake.

No pressure.  Pure joy.  That sounds like a nice place to be at, yes?

I shouldn’t be allowed to post from my iPhone

You know, this isn’t the first time that I’ve gone back to read something I posted from my iPhone and gone, “WTF??”  Because really.   That post makes it all seem very sturm and drang and BLAH BLAH BLAH, boring and STUPID!  I think my eyes rolled reading my own post so I can only imagine how the two of you out there who are reading this reacted.

For that?  I apologize.

Yes, last week was very had.  Yes, I had a lot of crabbyness.  Yes, I let my feelings get hurt over stupid stuff that isn’t supposed to hurt my feelings.  Yes, there are times I want to high-tail it to the border just so I can have a break.  But holy cow, doesn’t everyone?  I hardly think I’m unique in that respect.  So please know that the pity party thrown in my post last night wasn’t QUITE as dramatic and pitiful as it came across.

I may be a loser, but even I have standards.

I honestly think maybe it’s the teeny screen of the iPhone that you have to type out a blog post on that makes all the stuff I post from there come out all weird and un-evenly toned.  Yep.  That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

Thankfully, I don’t think the heat will get the better of me this week (yes, I do think that the heat contributed to 90% of my crabbiness… y’all need to believe me when I say I HATE THE HEAT).  Kile put our window a/c unit in the living room today and I’m currently enjoying some machine-generated coolness and am loving it more than I can express in words.

It’s not ALL bad.  Yes, I am mildly depressed.  I’m pretty much used to it by now and I think most of you are used to it too (you know, all two of you).  But like I said, BIG DEAL.  Who cares?  I don’t care.  You don’t care.  NO ONE cares.  Moving on…

It’s Sunday!  And I had a fabulous breakfast at Mimi’s Cafe this morning that may have made my toes curl.  And Evie almost choked on a honeydew melon!  It was good times, all around. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go decide whether or not I need to have something to eat right now.  This is going to require a lot of thought.

Ready to start A picture from the drive-in.  Just cuz I can.

Napping A napping girl.  Cuz she’s cute.

Preference

A blog is a funny thing.  It’s easy to read someone’s blog and because you are getting daily (or nearly daily) updates on this person’s life, you can therefore easily believe that you know more about this person and their life than you actually do.  It’s an easy mistake to make.  After all, you have no idea what details the blogger is leaving out.  A person’s blog is a VERY subjective thing.  There could be five major things that happen to a person that day and they could only mention one.  Or none and instead choose to talk about the weather.  As a reader, you are following what that blogger wants to share and are kept in the dark about what they don’t.

Such is the case with me as well.  Particularly when it comes to my children.

Don’t get me wrong.  I can understand the average reader wondering WHY I don’t talk about my oldest very often.  Does he even exist anymore?  Is she ignoring him in real life as much as she does on her blog?

And that’s the dangerous path right there.  Does love = blog exposure.  Certainly NOT.  You can hardly judge how much value is placed on a person due to how much a person talks about them on their blog.  I think of several bloggers who rarely mention their husbands because the husband has ASKED not to be mentioned.  And then the readers then wonder if she really is married, does she even care about her husband?  Is there DRAMA here that we can wonder about?

I hope you see how silly this line of thinking is.

I didn’t have my blog when Harry was very young.  But walking through our home, 90% of the pictures on the walls include him in his various stages of life.  Harry was the center of our world for MANY years.  And the harder it was for us to have another child, the more we held him to us.  I used to take him to get professional pictures done every month or so for the first two years of life.  I would take him to storytime at the library, MOPS, the park… He made me a mother and that holds a special place in my heart.  But he IS nine years old and in the third grade.   He needs more privacy now.  I don’t want something I write about him today to be the thing that gets him picked on at school tomorrow.  I make a studious effort to recognize and respect this.

I did have the blog when Liam was young.  If you notice the tag cloud in my sidebar, LIAM is the tag with the largest font.  Which means he has been mentioned more than just about anything else (at least since I’ve been doing tags).   Just look back at my archives for 2006-2007.  During his first year of life, my posts were filled with stories and musings and photos, photos, photos.  I love myself a baby, you know.  And I love photographing babies, while they still lay around and LET you photograph them.  I’d say about 10-20% of the photos on our walls have Liam in them.  I haven’t had as many professional pictures taken of him, but I did take a few of the photos I took of him, print them out and hang them up.

The thing is, Liam is 2 1/2.  He’ll be three in a few months.  This is pretty much THE MOST ANNOYING AGE EVER.  For any kid.  He is a challenge and a struggle.  This does not mean we do not love him.  It means he EXHAUSTS me.  I figured out that I spend the majority of my day dealing with him in one way or another.  Kissing his booboos when he falls (he is the clumsiest child alive), disciplining him when he deliberately disobeys me or thwacks Evie on the head for the 15th time that day, trying to get him to eat, changing him, dealing with naps, letting him sit on my lap when he’s feeling needy… He’s a different child than Harry was.  He requires a lot more energy.  And often, when it comes time to write on my blog, I don’t talk about him because I NEED A BREAK.  The mental break of not discussing him helps a lot.  Again, this does NOT mean that we don’t love him.  Quite the opposite.  He charms and delights us on a daily basis.

And, let’s face it.  Evie is the baby.  Like I said, I love babies and I love to photograph and muse about them until the cows come home.  I’ve often said that thank goodness Evie was a girl because otherwise she might not get any attention at all.  She would have the blog posts, the stories, the musings and the photographs.  Because I love babies.  But as it is she is in TWO photographs on our walls here at home and both of those are either family portraits or taken with her brothers.  She has zero representation by herself.  And I haven’t done a thing with her baby book in MONTHS.  And often I have to leave her to play while I deal with Liam.  And yes, I do generally work more with her than the boys but again with the BABY thing as well as the NURSING thing (she will NOT take any sort of plastic nipple, no matter how hard I’ve tried).  When we go out as a family on the weekend, I generally wrangle Evie while Kile wrangles Liam.  It works easier that way.  Which isn’t to say that if Liam needs me that I completely ignore him.  Just that Kile puts him in his car seat while I put Evie in hers so that we’re not standing out there in the parking lot all day while I do both.  Heh.  Makes more sense that way, don’t you agree?

When anyone suggests, no matter how benignly, that perhaps I have a preference for one child over the others, that hurts me deeply.  I’m sure other mothers who have more than one child can understand what I mean when I say that.  I doubt it is possible to love one child more than the others.  I love all of them and yes, in different ways.  The way I love Liam is entirely different than the way I love Harry or Evie.  This is because of their wildly different personalities.  Sure I feel different, but that doesn’t mean what I feel isn’t love.  And I simply cannot conceive of anyone even HINTING that a preference exists.  It is a cruel thing to say.  CRUEL.  Not just to me but to my children.

I have been wondering what the answer is, if any.  What do I do?  Not talk about ANY of my children, for fear of slighting one or more and thereby inciting the naysayers?  What would that mean to this blog as it is a mommy blog and I generally am here to talk about being a mommy and that sorta requires talking about children?  I’m not sure what to do.  How to evolve this blog while I myself am evolving as a mother.  No more babies, that’s for sure, so who do I talk about?  Do I “schedule” days that I talk about each child?  That sounds perilously close to work.  And if there’s one thing I despise, it’s feeling like blogging is WORK.

Ugh.

So I think the only thing I can do is to just keep on and talk about what strikes me.  Whether it be Liam or Evie or even Harry.  Or none of the above.  It’s all I can do.  But I never want to hear again that maybe I have a preference for any one child above the other.  Ever.