So it’s Monday.  Again.  The bright side is that it’s the last day of August.  Don’t let the door hit you in the rear on your way out, August.  I’m onto to bigger and better (and cooler) things.

Still, as happy as I am to see August end, I wouldn’t have minded another day or two of weekend.  It was a busy one around here and busy weekends always seem to be over way too soon.

Kile got paid on Friday night and since he gets paid once a month (the joys of being a state employee), we do the bulk of our shopping for the month when he gets paid.  Unfortunately, this stresses Kile out since he doesn’t like to spend money, no matter how necessary, and when he gets stressed he gets crabby.  And when he gets crabby, it rubs off on me.   Still, I did a pretty good job of deflecting his crabbiness all weekend.  And if I had remembered to take my thyroid pills yesterday, I probably would have been able to deflect it yesterday as well.

Alas, I did not take my pill and alas, I did not deflect.  By the end of the day, I was tired and I just absorbed it.  And when I absorb a bad mood off of someone… well it ain’t pretty.  And it’s not fun.  But the upshot is that I took my pill FIRST THING this morning.  I wasn’t interested in having another down day today.  It’s a Monday and I need all the help I can get!

ANYHOW… Saturday was our monthly B.O.O.S.T. (Big Ol’ Obnoxious Shopping Trip) at Walmart.  We actually went to Kohl’s first to look for shoes for Harry.  That child’s feet are growing at alarming rates.  He’s almost out of kid sizes!  We weren’t able to find anything though and as Kile was crabby, we decided it was best to just move on.  We had lunch at Chili’s before heading over to Walmart and that was nice.  We don’t eat out at sit down restaurants that much anymore.

The grocery shopping went pretty well and I think we remembered almost everything on our list.  Which is impressive because we had a LOT of stuff on our list.  We chinzed on our shopping last month because of the trip to Florida, so we were pretty much out of pretty much everything.  It was not a small trip and it was not cheap.  But at least now we have everything we need for the month, for the most part.  Perhaps maybe now lunchtime won’t be a source of stress around here!  It’s hard to find food to give the little ones when you have just graham crackers and granola bars.  Even moreso when one of your wee ones is as picky as Liam is.

Believe it or not, this all took up the better part of the day on Saturday.  We were wiped out come Saturday night!

Sunday brought more shopping through.  We headed over to Legends to do some more shopping for shoes.  On the way, Kile stopped at In n’ Out and we grabbed some burgers and fries to go.  We ate at one of the picnic tables at Legends which was really a fabulous idea.   Or it would have been fabulous if it hadn’t been so windy.  Until Subway opens up over there, there just aren’t a lot of options for quick, cheap dining.  That would be my only complaint about it.   Otherwise, Legends is awesome.

We finally found Harry some shoes at the Sketchers store there.  We also got the little ones some croc-style shoes that were on a fantastic sale.  After that we checked out the Carter’s outlet store.  We were hoping to find some clothes for Liam since we never seem to have enough clothes for the poor kid these days.  But we did get him and Evie their Christmas jammies.  So one present down, many to go!

But our shopping was not done there!  We headed over to Michael’s where I had some specific things to look for: a container for my cloth diaper laundry detergent, some knitting notions, and a scrapbook for our Disney vacation memorabilia.  Sam’s Club was next and we had some very specific things to get there.  Including chips and snacks for Harry’s lunches, frozen stuff for the deep freeze, etc and so forth.  Luckily, we thought ahead and had a cooler in the back of the van.  We packed the frozen stuff in there before heading over to Whole Foods.

Yep, we weren’t done yet.  We ALWAYS have to go to Whole Foods!   We got some fruit, some cheese, some laundry stuff for me… and we got a pizza for dinner!  Which meant:  it was time to go home.  At last.

The pizza was awesome.  But of course it was!  And it was the perfect dinner because were all beyond tired.

Like I said, last night was kind of hard emotionally for me and I entirely blame the lack of thyroid medication yesterday.  I really do need to stay on top of taking those pills.  At the very least.

And now I feel like I need another weekend to recover from my weekend.  OY.

So what did you do this weekend? Did you spend as much money as we did?  Because I’m starting to see why Kile was so crabby about it.  UGH.

It just figures.  Not two minutes after I hit “publish” on that last post where I mentioned wanting being determined to go to BlogHer next year, I saw an ad in my sidebar from BlogHer ads saying, “Hey!  Sign up for next year, yo!”

NEXT year??  Already??

Surely this was a joke.  But no… I clicked through and saw next year’s venue had been selected, revealed, hotel announced and registration was open.  PEOPLE ALREADY HAD THEIR TICKETS.  I kid you not.

And in the span of two seconds I was both thrilled and excited that the city chosen for BlogHer ‘10 is New York and devastated because I do not have $200 to buy conference tickets right now.  And, considering our Disney Extravaganza here in a week and change, I probably won’t have it for at least another month either.

It’s one of those moments that I feel incredibly frustrated that our society is built on, for and by people who use credit cards.  Particularly when travel is involved, people just EXPECT you to use a credit card.  Don’t have the money in your account right now?  No big, just put it on credit and pay it off when you do.  Piece of cake!

And then there’s me.  I have to save the money.  I have to budget.  Make sacrifices.  Plan.  And I was planning to buy tickets after Christmas, when they normally go on sale and when we have no looming need to buy gifts any longer.  It works out well.

But ho no.  Not THIS year!  This year the tickets are on sale now!  And I’m scared half to death that they’ll be all sold out by the time I scrape together enough dough to go.

GAH.

So maybe I won’t be going to BlogHer ‘10.  Which is going to make me feel VERY cranky indeed.  Partially because it’s BlogHer and I love BlogHer.  And partially because it’s New York City and I’ve been dying to go back there.  Pretty much ever since two minutes after we left it back in 2002.   I had grand plans to find roommates (you can fit four in a room, right??), scour for cheap airfare, paint my toes, pack up my iPhone and knitting and just GO.

So I’m hoping.. praying that there will be tickets left to purchase here in a few months (again, probably after Christmas… dang those presents anyhow!) and that I will be able to go.

I need my own money.

Like many stay at home moms, I rely on my husband’s income.  And it can be hard to budget things on only one income.  Especially when that paycheck only comes once a month.  And often, I don’t feel comfortable staking a claim on any of that money for things for myself.  Things like haircuts, clothes or anything else that isn’t an absolute necessity.  And let’s not forget hosting for this-here blog.  Speaking of such things, hosting will be due within a week and, as always, I will feel guilty at the measly $9.95 it costs to keep this place afloat.

I would love to make some of my own money.  I make a small (very small) amount off the BlogHerAds.  But even that I never feel as though it’s my “own” as it often gets used for things like groceries or gas.  Which, don’t get me wrong, I would far rather have gas in the car or food in the pantry as opposed to a new pair of shoes.  But sometimes it would be nice to have a little pool of money somewhere that I could save up and use for myself.  Even if that means buying things for the kids or as gifts.  It’s money I could spend without feeling the GUILT.

I hardly know what that feels like.  I don’t think I’ve ever really had money that I could just spend on whatever I wanted without feeling guilty.  A lot of people get to experience that in their early 20’s.  I never did, because I got married right away and then pregnant right after that and money has ALWAYS been an issue.  Even in college when I worked all summer long in an office job (making pretty decent money, by the way), it wasn’t money I could spend.  I remember when my best friends used their money they earned to go to Disneyland together and I couldn’t go because I had to do other things with my money.  I had to pay my parents back for a stupid mistake I had made when I got my first credit card.  And whatever didn’t go towards that had to do towards buying books at school or helping to pay for my dorm room or somesuch.

Even as a kid, I never really had an excess of money.  I got an allowance when I was younger, but I never seemed to get or have as much as my friends.  I can remember many times my friends would want to go to a movie and I would have to say that I couldn’t because I didn’t have enough money.  They would tell me to ask my parents for the money.  RIGHT.   Because that would have TOTALLY worked.  snort.  Shoot, I remember I would get nervous when teachers would assign projects in school that would require purchasing supplies like posterboard or whatever.  Because I didn’t have the money and I didn’t want to have to ask my parents for it.  Because I always thought they would say no, so why bother?  Now, I’m sure that for school they would have obliged.  But my young self didn’t really consider that.

I still can’t bring myself to ask for money.  Even from my own husband.  And a lot of that is because I know the money isn’t really there right now.  Asking would do nothing, so why bother?

I need to make my own.  That would probably help, right?  But how?  The blog design business is over and done with.  I would love to find something I could do here at home.  But what?  I’m afraid the only answer is working outside the home and right now with the two little ones, that’s not really feasible.  I don’t want to go to work only to have my entire paycheck get eaten up by day care costs.  That’s so not worth it, in more ways than one.  I’m not looking to make a fortune here.  But a little jingle in my pocket sure would be nice.  And maybe then I wouldn’t feel so devalued and useless, eh?

I know how much you all love to hear me whine and moan and kvetch about money (or rather, the lack thereof), but I always feel so much better when I unload these things off my heart and mind.  The blog is my clearinghouse for all my neurotic issues, after all.  So I’m going to whine and moan and kvetch a little bit.  Feel free to skip this post and I promise to have something far more interesting to you all soon.

I hope.

Anyhow, it’s December and we knew what we were doing at the start of the month when we decided how to spend the budget.  We wanted to have a nice Christmas.  For the kids, mostly, but for us too.  Last year was so slim in the present department.  And yes, we made it work, but we promised ourselves that this year would be different.

And for the most part, it has been.  I mean, at least this year we sort of had a CHOICE.  Of course, I think a few things slipped through the cracks and here we find ourselves, barely halfway through the month and the budget is screaming at the strain.  There are a few issues that are causing me particular stress:

• Shipping presents.  I mentioned this already, of course.  I’m really worried about not having shipped my parents package yet.  I really don’t know what to do about this one.  I have to follow Kile’s lead here.  But my skin is crawling with the need to get that present sent out.
• We weren’t able to get presents for everyone we would have liked to, this year.  Yes, we did the gift bags for our siblings but, as you’ve seen, even that has put strain on us for the shipping of them.  And whenever I get a gift from someone I have not been able to send a gift to, I feel about _this high.
• Simple grocery items.  Surely, we will get some of these things soon, but I don’t know how and that is what stresses me out.  We need bread.  And milk.  BASIC things.  And baby food, since Evie has proven herself to be something of a tank in the eating department and has already handily blown through the stash of jarred food I got her at the beginning of the month.  It’s easy to forget that she’s not like Liam!
• The tan van.  Ohhh… the tan van.  It needs to be registered.  And we refuse to drive it unregistered.  This is one of the things we had a choice about at the start of the month.  And we chose Christmas over registering the tan van.  The white van works well enough and it’s only for a few weeks.  Still, I miss my van.  It’s a LOT nicer than the white van (and don’t let me forget, there’s a post forthcoming about the disparity between these vans out in public).
• My doctor appointment.  The doctor’s office called this evening while I was outside keeping Kile company as he shoveled the driveway.  I didn’t return the call, as I imagined the shop had already closed up for the day.  But I have little doubt that they have gotten my lab results from Friday’s lab work and want me to come in and see the doctor.  And then, and only then, will they give me a new prescription.  The prescription wouldn’t be so hard to swing since everywhere you go anymore flaunts their $4 prescriptions.  But the office copay is probably out of the budget.  Which means I can’t go in until after the holidays.  Which means…. more weeks without meds.  Say it with me: SIGH.

I shouldn’t let these money issues bother me so much.  I shouldn’t let them keep me up at night.  I should just go with the flow and let it roll off my back.  I absolutely HATE worrying.  So why do I do it so much?  Cuz I’m a PUTZ, that’s why.

If I have one thing to hope for in the New Year, it’s that these financial concerns will become fewer and further between.  Can I get an amen?

I don’t generally condone of the word “hate” because it has such strong connotations, but in this case, I think Monday deserves it.  How dare it force us out of the lull that is the weekend and make us be productive and stuff!  So here’s what I’m hating today:

1. That we’re about out of groceries here in the house, but yet the budget gave out last week sometime.  Hmm.
2. Little dogs that desperately try to curl themselves up on my legs in an effort to stay warm and give me leg cramps.
3. iCarly, the Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana, the Naked Brothers Band, Drake and Josh and any of those retarded Disney/Nick shows that my son seems to really, really love right now.
4. Maggie and the Ferocious Beast, Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends and pretty much the entire Noggin morning lineup these days.
5. I pretty much hate money in general right now, but mostly the lack of it.
6. That my parents’ gift STILL hasn’t been mailed off and now I’m worried that it’ll even get there before Christmas and that gives me STRESS.  STRESS STRESS STRESS!
7. Not that I have a van to drive it to the post office anyhow.  (still not registered but whatever)
8. Which means I need to rely on Kile to do it.
9. Which means I’m not holding my breath.
10. Stupid, nagging, caffeine-withdrawal headache.  I need a Rockstar.

So now that I got that out of the way, here are some pictures I cleaned off the camera this morning.

The rarely-captured feral blue-eyed boy.

The cup is a staple in virtually all photos of this child.

A nifty snowflake pin given to me by a good friend for my birthday.  It is officially Evie’s Most Favorite Thing EVER.

My first knitting project, my “practice blob” that I decided to turn into a bag this weekend.  GO ME.

Does this look cold?  Cuz it is.

Little tree.  Snow.  Nuff said.

Sure looks like a Monday morning to me, how about you?  I’m SO glad Harry takes the school bus now.

Kile’s van (aka: our only legal mode of transportation these days).  And snow.  Have fun driving to work, Kile!