This morning, while cooing over Evie’s adorable-ness, I had a flash to those mothers who, for whatever reason, are jealous of their daughter’s good looks.  Generally, these are women who have a truckload of self-worth issues and whatnot (and let’s be honest, who doesn’t?) and seem to take them out on their daughters.  Which to me, seems monstrously unfair and also cruel.  I want Evie to be prettier than I am!  And while I think that, I know in my heart that it won’t be hard.  Simply because I’m not pretty.  At 19 months old, she’s already prettier than I am.  But you know what?  GOOD.  It’s like redemption, in a way.

Of course, she IS my daughter and I am a tad biased.  I’m sure no matter what I would always think she’s pretty.  She always will be, in my eyes.  And I said to Kile, “God help the first guy who tells her she isn’t pretty.”  To which he replied, “Most guys wouldn’t say that.”

And that’s when the emotion flooded to the surface.  The memories, doubts and angst were all the sudden just as fresh as they were years before. I said in return, “You’d be surprised.”

When I was just a young thing, I had a crush on a boy.  It was the sort of crush that went on for years.  Years and years.  It wasn’t pretty.  And when I eventually got the nerve up to have my friends talk to him (SNORT!), of course it did not work out the way I would have wanted.  There was hemming and hawing and something about how I “wasn’t his type” and blah blah blah.   These were all niceties and the bottom line was, I wasn’t pretty enough.  Or,  you know, pretty at all.  So that was that.

Eighth grade pretty much sucked.

Years later, my first real, serious boyfriend… Shortly after we “met” (it was an online thing because I’m not so good with meeting people out in the big scary real world, even now), we exchanged pictures and… yeah.  I’m not going to go into dramatic detail but basically, my picture didn’t quite measure up.  And he wasn’t sure.  He had to have some time to think about it.  You know, all the while I’m shrinking until I’m about the size of an ant.  Under a microscope, found lacking.  Could a fairly ugly girl ever find happiness? I was starting to wonder.

A day or so later, he decided that he was fine with it and the relationship progressed… at least until I dumped him months later because he was kind of a high maintenance sort of guy.  Well that and many, many other reasons.  But yeah, a story for another time.

It was a common thread.  Guys were never interested in me because I just didn’t fit into the classical definition of “pretty”.  Some were tactful and tried to find ways to not have to come out and say it, and others did come out and say it.  Either way, I always knew where I stood.

Kile rolls his eyes at me whenever I make mention of not being pretty, but it’s pretty matter of fact.  Sure, there’s beauty on the inside, etc and so forth, blah blah blah.  Was I going to win any beauty contests?  Nope.  For the most part, I’m pretty okay with it.  Of course I’d like to be physically attractive.  To have fine features, a petite build, a quick metabolism… who doesn’t want that?  But there’s no changing biology and I look the way I look.  End of story.

Still, a deep part of me hopes and prays and dreams and wishes that Evie will never EVER have to suffer knowing that she isn’t pretty to me.  She’ll always be beautiful to me, of course, but I do feel guilt at hoping that the rest of the world will be able to see it too.

I haven’t talked a lot about the rugrats lately.  (Let’s not mention that I haven’t talked a whole lot about ANYTHING lately, shall we?)  So I figured I should probably try to make up for that.

Harry is back at school (at last!) after being off for the month of October.  There were some nice things about him being around (he keeps Liam busy) and some not so nice things about him being around (he gets Liam all wound up and hyper).  All in all, I’d say I was pretty happy to see him return to school.  Even though it’s all half days this week.  Stupid parent/teacher conferences.  Of course, we had ours before the break so these half day things are pretty freakin’ useless to us.

His birthday is next Tuesday.  TUESDAY.  And you know how old he’ll be?  TEN.  10.  Double digits. Lord help me.  I have a pre-teen.

Of course, that knowledge couldn’t have possibly escaped me because lately?  He’s been ACTING like a pre-teen.

However, I do enjoy some of his interests lately so there’s that.  Ever since our Disney Extravaganza in August, he’s been enamored of all things Disney just as much as we have.  He has gone from watching Nickelodeon with it’s plentiful showings of Spongebob and iCarly, to watching the Disney Channel and now it’s Wizards of Waverly Place, Jonas, Suite Life on Deck and Phineas and Ferb.   And, dare I say it?  I enjoy it.  He’s also discovered the chocolate-covered crack that is “High School Musical” and I’m only a little ashamed to admit that I currently have 3 “HSM” songs on my iPod.  Along with one by Miley Cyrus.  Oh and that song that all the kids of the Disney Channel sang together that makes me almost feel a little weepy when I hear it.

*cough*

Anyhow.  Where was I?

Liam, meanwhile, is a full fledged preschooler.  Which is impressive, considering he is neither a) potty trained or b) in preschool.  But he’s talking so much more and it’s actually getting a little easier to reason with him.  Which is to say that instead of having the consistency of a block of lead, it’s more like a block of asphalt.  Still stubborn as heck, but if you’re lucky and you try hard/long enough, you might get through.  He still doesn’t eat much, though I am consistently surprised by what he WILL eat.  And sometimes, letting him pick out what he wants to eat is enormously helpful.  This is a kid that likes to be in charge.  Even if you’re really the one in charge but he feels like he’s in charge.  Not an easy feat to pull off, but with enough practice, I’m getting the hang of it.

But, yeah, still not potty trained.

And then there’s Evie.  If Liam is a preschooler, then Evie is a toddler.  She is now the one that is into everything the moment you turn your back.  It figures, now that Liam has reached the point where I can trust him in a room by himself for five minutes, Evie is the one who can’t be trusted.  SIGH.  Her hair is growing and I’m delighted by it’s fluffy/curly consistency.  I’m still not sure if I’d classify her hair as curly (as it is mostly straight on top, where she still doesn’t have a whole lot yet), but in the right condition, the curls are just out of this world.  She’s a sweety, and loves to sit on laps.  Which, sadly, is counter-active to my knitting needs.  But, if there’s anything I’ve learned the last couple of years, it’s that sometimes you have to just go with the flow.  Unlike Liam, she eats very well and is definitely developing her own set of preferences. I have no idea if she’ll be a girly girl, but for now, she’s at the mercy of my whims.  And my whims say she’s a girly girl.  She does seem different than either of the boys were. But that could very well just be her personality.  And, for what it’s worth, I adore her personality.  It’s so fun to watch these kids come into their own, discover themselves and assert their preferences.

Like right now?  She’s dancing around the living room in a diaper while music from “Wall-E” plays.   She loves music and she absolutely ADORES dancing.  Girl’s got rhythm.

So that’s what’s up with the kidlets these days.  And, can I just say, I’m so looking forward to Christmas with them this year.  It should be a total blast.  Evie already loses her mind when she sees Christmas trees in the store.  Just wait till she sees one in our living room!

(On the other hand, maybe I CAN wait… I’m not looking forward to whatever havoc these kids wreck on the tree this year.)

In a word? Don’t.

We made it back from our big Disney Extravaganza yesterday. Well.
Today, actually. If you wanna get technical. And I do. The kids did
great on vacation. But traveling was hard on all of us.

I’m going to save the warm and fuzzy details for my warm and fuzzy
posts about the trip. This post is for the Traveling. Which was
neither warm nor fuzzy. And may have included me having a nervous
breakdown in the Denver airport.

Going out was… interesting. I mean, all in all, it was pretty
smooth considering. But we weren’t used to traveling at that point
and the whole business just had us frayed before we even got on the
plane, I think. We left fairly early on Wednesday morning. Kile’s
co-worker who lives near us came by and rode with us in the van down
to the airport where we unloaded our junk and the carseats and she
took the van to work with plans to leave it at our house on her way
home from work, picking up her car which was parked there. Make
sense? Everyone with me so far? Good?

The carseats… were a pain. I mean, I know we needed to have them.
But lugging them through the airport was AWFUL. I had the bruises to
show for it too! We hadn’t purchased Evie her own seat (since she can
qualify as a free “lap child”) but were able to score her a seat on
the plane anyhow so we brought her seat on the plane with us. And
that was hard! Pushing a stroller and carrying a carseat along with
the other carry ons was a nightmare, but then having to carry Evie
(having left the stroller at the jetway) and the carseat on the plane?
OMG. There are no words. I’m already starting to block it from my
memory, it was so bad.

And the moment the plane started moving, Evie got upset. And I’m
talking pulling back from the jetway. The stewardess finally told me
as we were taking off that I could take her out of her seat and hold
her. So I did and that chilled her out. So much that she started to
fall asleep so I put her back in her seat and that was all well and
good.

The boys were fine and dandy and other than Liam’s propensity for
kicking the back of Evie’s seat, he did pretty well too. Harry soon
discovered that flying was pretty cool and he liked ordering soda from
the stewardess and getting packets of peanuts and cookies.

We went first to Los Angeles, which seemed counter-intuitive. But
whatever. I saw the Hollywood sign as we were landing and tried to
point it out to Harry but he couldn’t see it. We landed and felt
rather smug for surviving our first (short) flight. We didn’t have to
get off the plane because even though it was stopping, we were riding
the same flight clear through to Orlando. Or so we thought.

While chatting with a fellow passenger, we found out that our plane
was busted. Oh yes. Busted. And at first, we weren’t sure when
they’d be able to find another plane for us to use since fixing the
current one was not going to happen anytime soon. But before I could
properly figure out how to react to this, they found us a plane. And
it was at another gate! Clear across the LAX airport. Soooo… we
unstrapped the carseats and tried to book it as fast as we could to
the other gate. We were following the flight crew and they promised
to get us on board. But at the gate, the agent there was a crabby
wench and made us wait and then snapped at us and was generally rude
to everyone she spoke to. We were finally let on board and scored new
seats and all was well.

The next leg was to Phoenix and was pretty uneventful. We landed. We
took off. Blah blah blah. The kids were getting used to it by now
and this time Evie only had minor complaints. But the flight from
Phoenix to Orlando was a long one and with the bumpy ride over the
gulf (wee!) I wasn’t sure we’d EVER get there! But we did, and landed
just as the sun was going down. The Orlando airport is all kinds of
awesome and we were easily able to find baggage claim. I hung out
there, grabbing our bags, while Kile went and got our rental car. It
was when we got outside baggage claim to get into the car that I had
full understanding of the heat and humidity. And this was after the
sun had gone down. GULP.

We found directions on my iPhone and drove to my parents condo for the
night. The whole toll road thing blows my mind. They really know how
to soak the tourists, don’t they? The whole east coast does that…
do regular residents/commuters find non-toll roads to use? Or how
does that work? Cuz I can’t imagine having to deal with that on a
daily basis. Bah!

Now…

The trip home was something else entirely. I made a decision that we
would check Evie’s carseat. I simply could not comprehend trying to
deal with it again. I had been having intermittent wrist pain all
week long (a result of not knitting? I have no idea.) the carseat
would have been too much. We had more stress than usual since we were
flying Southwest and they don’t have a sweet hookup with Disney like
some of the other airlines. Other people pack up their bags on the
boat and then don’t see them until they land at home. NOT US!

Oh, and we had to get off the boat at the asscrack of dawn. We were
up at 6am, at breakfast at 6:45 and then they made it clear they
wanted us off the boat ASAP. We tried to hang around as long as we
could but ended up on transfer bus around 9am. The trip to the
airport was quick and we were there by 9:30. We got our bags up to
the check in counter only to find out… you can’t check bags if your
flight is more than four hours away from taking off. Our flight was
scheduled at 4:20 so… yeah. We rented one of those Smarte Carte
things, loaded it up (you should have seen it! WHY didn’t I take a
picture??) and headed out. The airport is basically a MALL so we had
no trouble keeping ourselves occupied for a while. Especially once we
found the rest of my family hanging out. NO one had flights that were
leaving anytime soon.

Note to self (and anyone else planning a similar vacation): DO NOT
hesitate to schedule your flight earlier in the day! 12:30/1pm would
have been PERFECT. CURSE YOU, late flight!!

After Kile finally was able to check the bulk of our baggage, we
grabbed lunch at the food court (see? MALL!) and I was finally able
to try the infamous Chik fil-A. I had a chicken sandwich that was
mighty tasty. We browsed around the shops after that, and I was
mighty tempted to buy yet MORE Disney goodies at the Disney store
there. I showed restraint but even now, I’m sorta wishing that I
hadn’t. There was the cutest Tinkerbell coffee mug!

Anyhow, after that we braved security which had a whole bunch of
people from other countries going through. More than usual, I would
say. But by that point, I was so used to people from other countries
and foreign accents that I’m surprised I even noticed. Security was a
lot smoother than in Reno, simply because we were “old pros” at that
point. We found our gate and set up camp near some electrical outlets
so we could charge up our phones some more. We said goodbye to the
remaining family members and it wasn’t long before our flight boarded.
It went a lot smoother for me without the carseat. The bad news is,
it was a very full flight and every seat was taken so there wasn’t
much room to set her down or anything.

We took off a little late because there was some weather in the area.
But nothing awful and we were able to land almost on time in Denver.
Evie didn’t sleep a wink the whole flight and was extremely wriggly.
But we managed.

I have to say right now that I have extremely negative feelings about
the Denver airport. I like Denver. I do not like Denver’s airport.
There is ALWAYS turbulence (but then, there is in Reno too), but more
than that it’s the whole layout of the airport. The wasted space, the
inefficiency, the uselessness of the second floor “waiting” area.
WTF, Denver?

This is where we realized just HOW stupid our flight schedule was. We
were on the last flight from Denver to Las Vegas, which was then
continuing to Reno. And as such, we had to wait. There was a flight
from Philadelphia that had been delayed by weather and as luck would
have it, 30 or so people from that flight were on our Vegas flight.
So… we waited. We already had a 2 1/2 hour layover (and ate at a
restaurant that turned out to be exceedingly expensive). Add on
another hour. On top of tired children and parents and we were just
ready to be home. I didn’t handle it well. I was frustrated. I fell
in the trap of counting up the hours we’d been awake, how many hours
until we could be home. It was overwhelming. Liam and Evie had had
it. Harry was exhausted. I was beyond tired. We were all just DONE.

We finally got on the plane and got up in the air. Evie fell asleep
before we even took off so she was taken care of. I still had to hold
her, which meant my arms fell asleep. But at least she slept. She
woke when we landed in Vegas, but fell asleep as we took off for Reno.
Praise be! Liam slept too, which was great. He had slept most of
the way from Orlando to Denver too so Kile made out pretty well on
that deal. Harry slept on my shoulder the majority of the time. But
as we landed in Reno, he was awake and had the biggest smile I think
I’d seen on him all week. He wanted to be up in his bed so bad and I
couldn’t blame him.

Baggage claim in Reno is notoriously slooooooooow. Harry and I waited
for bags while Kile went out to look for his co-worker who had again
graciously offered to ferry us. That was a small mercy, let me tell
you! We FINALLY got our bags and FINALLY were on our way homeward.
It was after 1am by the time we got home. I could barely see
straight. Evie was interested in a diaper change and then BED. She
was out before she hit the crib mattress. Liam complained for maybe a
minute before dropping off. Harry was dead to the world. It took
Kile and I NO time at all to fall dead asleep.

And that… as they say… is that. We made it there and back in one
piece. That, my friends, is amazing. Flying with toddlers is a pain
unlike anything else. It’s just damn lucky that this whole trip made
it SO WORTH IT. Details to follow!

I don’t have long, and I’m tapping this out on my phone which is always a pain in the butt. But I’m chilling (literally) in our air conditioned room while Evie naps and the boys are down at the pool. I wanted to share a couple observations of the trip so far:

* it’s hot
* lugging giant car seats through airports SUCKS and I have the bruises to show for it
* when I say hot, I mean REALLY hot
* it’s beautiful here
* our resort is perfect! Not terribly fancy but nce and has everything we need
* the Magic Kingdom totally redeemed itself last night after kicking my ass earlier in the day
* I now know for sure: I AM NOT MEANT FOR HOT WEATHER
* Downtown Disney is awesome… The perfect combination of outdoor mall and, well, Disney
* the “World of Disney” store is a MECCA of Disney crap. You could spend daaaaaays in that place.
* I’ve learned that I have no business in any theme park here after about 11am and before about 5:30-6pm.
* when your legs turn to jelly and you feel like passing out? Time to eat something.
* fireworks rock
* I’ve had so much fun and done so much and this trip isn’t even near half over yet. Amazing!
* everyone here is truly so nice!

Okay… I’m off to knit and then get ready for dinner with the whole fam later on. Tomorrow: a character breakfast and our 11 year anniversary! Woot!

I FINALLY saw “Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince” last night.  Since we just asked for our money back at the drive in (I won’t be going back THERE, thankyouverymuch), Kile suggested I take Harry while he stayed home with the little ones.  We went to the theaters down at the Summit Sierra mall.  I’d almost forgotten what it was like to watch a movie in a REAL theater.  It’s been a while.

Anyhow, I’m not going to go into big details here just in case there is someone out there who is as unlucky as me and hasn’t seen it yet.  But… yeah.  I liked it, for the most part.  I loved the way it was directed, the cinematography, the whole ATMOSPHERE of the movie seemed right on to me.  But there were some changes.  Things left out, things added in…. A lot of it made me want to tear my hair out, to be perfectly honest.  If anyone out there has seen it, feels the same, and wants to discuss it, just email me and we can discuss at great length what we liked and what we hated.  Sound good?

***

On the other hand, it was really nice going to see a movie with Harry like that.  We grabbed McDonald’s at the drive through on the way down to the theater and ate in the car.  Harry made a fine companion and it was nice to get to spend time with just him for a change.  He and I used to spend all sorts of time together.  I took him everywhere with me when he was little.  He was my sidekick.  We never get to do that anymore.

I would like to make this movie thing a semi-regular thing.  Maybe one a month or every two months?  Just he and I, out to the movies.  That would be so much fun!

***

I woke up this morning to overcast skies.  I cannot express to you how happy this makes me.  No sun = some relief from blistering heat.  I’m sure it’ll still be unpleasantly warm, but at least the sun isn’t out, making it worse.

Sadly, I doubt it will last.  The sun will come out and force it’s rays upon us.  But for now, I’m enjoying the dim.

Shoot, in the movie last night, I found myself gazing fondly at the screen during the snowy-winter scenes.  Oh, snow.  How I miss you!  How I love the sight of snow-covered mountains and snow falling and the crunch under your feet….

Damnit.  I want winter back.

***

I’m ignoring about 90% of my Facebook friends today.  Sorry, y’all.  But if you’re going to insist on posting about traveling to BlogHer, seeing people at BlogHer, being excited about BlogHer, etc and so forth?  I’m going to have to stick my fingers in my ears and go, “LA LA LA LA!!”

Nothing personal.

***

I hear my little girl waking up upstairs so I best go fetch her.  I haven’t seen her since about 5:30 last night so I’m actually looking forward to getting some cuddles in, as I’m sure she is too.

She really is quite snuggle-icious.

Enjoy your Thursday, all!