Harry

I feel a day late and a dollar short today.  I’m drinking a Rockstar (Juiced, with mango, orange and passionfruit to be exact!) hoping that it’ll give me the kick in the pants that I’m needing.  My mood seems pretty stable today (honestly, from day to day, I cannot tell if I’ll have an “on” day or an “off” day until I’m having it) so that’s a good thing.  But I am getting sick.  I’ve been anticipating this.  Liam had a fever last weekend and was under the weather.  Before that, Harry had a slight cold.  I was worried that Evie would get it but so far so good.  Better me than her, right?  I just hope that I don’t give it to her.  Right now it’s a sore tickle in my throat, a tickle in my nose that makes me sneeze, a headache and a general feeling of uckiness.  Bah.

Still, slow as I’m feeling today I do have two niggling little worries pecking at the rear of my mind. First is Liam.  His speech delay.  We’re canceling with his speech therapist again so that’ll be two weeks in a row that we’ve begged off.  Not good.  But this month is just insanity around here.  Kile is uber-busy at work and I just don’t feel as if I could handle both children at that appointment by myself.  I need Kile there.  Plus, I feel like butt.  What I would like is if we get could get in with Early Intervention and find a program that would come to the house and work with him.  That would be ideal.  But dragging the entire family out and across town every week to pay a copay and watch a lady try to get Liam to say “milk” for an hour just ain’t cutting it.  I’m sorry, but NO.  I can do that at home.

Speaking of speech, the speech therapist at Harry’s school wants to work with him too.  He’s got a slight impediment that should have resolved itself by now but hasn’t.  I spoke to her on the phone and told her that, yes, by all means, work with him!  But she needs me or Kile to go down to the school in person during school hours to speak with her, possibly fill out some forms.  As you can imagine, this hasn’t happened yet?  Why?  Because it’s AUGUST and Kile is busy and I have two small children at home.  Harry takes the bus for this very reason because I can’t leave the house.  I read a phrase on Baby Bunching yesterday that describes it exactly.  I’m in the Nap Trap.   The Nap Trap happens when one or more child is sleeping virtually all day long, trapping you in the house.  She mentioned coming in before school starts at 9 or after it gets out at 3:30.  Well, at 9, Evie is in the middle of her morning nap and at 3:30, both Evie and Liam are taking their afternoon naps.  And, I’m sorry, but I don’t mess with the naps.  You mess with the nap, you throw off the ENTIRE day.  With Kile working late because he is UBER-busy at work, I’m not going to throw off my day.  YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DO IT.

So in the meantime, I look like a neglectful parent because I haven’t come in yet to sign some stupid paper.  So sue me.

Then there’s Evie.  Because my life isn’t complete until I have something to fret about concerning all of my children, right?  For the most part, she’s just perfect.  And, as far as I know, she IS perfect.  I don’t even know if this is something I should be concerned about or not.  But she turned 5 months old yesterday (sob) and she has yet to really laugh.  Sure, she has done a low chuckle, she has squealed with delight and she smiles at us almost constantly.  But no baby belly laughs.  Don’t they usually laugh by now?  Should I worry about this?  I want to hear her laugh.  But nothing I do seems to do the trick.  Ideas?  Suggestions?  Feel free to tell me I’m a worrisome nitwit.

So there’s my Thursday.  Full of child-related fretting and a few sneezes and blinding headaches thrown in for shits and giggles.  Don’t you wish you had my life??

Seriously, you could probably write a book about how much stuff they never tell you before having kids.  Or about how they tried to tell all this stuff before you had kids, but you never listened.  Or you listened but you didn’t believe them because you were going to be different!  You’re SPECIAL, damnit.  Ahem.  Something like that.

Anyhow, my point here is that I was never told just how different a mom that I would be to each of my children.  Oh sure, I heard all the talk about how “each child is different”.  And I beleived it because I grew up in a family of five children.  But I guess I never stopped to realize that you are a different mom to each child.  Or is that just me?  Becuase I SWEAR, I never expected to feel so differently each and every time.

There are basics in place, of course.  I’m a pretty laid back mom (NO WAY, you’re KIDDING… ) and generally don’t get too worked up over things.  My kids, more often than not, might have a smear or two on their faces.  My house tends to look a little “rough around the edges” by the end of the day.  I encourage all of them to be able to play on their own without me, though at Liam’s age, I do join in from time to time.  I also don’t put up with much nonsense and demand respectful behavior and adherence to the rules and regulations (be they what they are) around the house.

But as for how I relate to each child?  It has literally amazed me at how differently I interact with each one.  With Harry, he was my first.  We had a very close relationship for the first six years of his life.  As a baby and toddler, though, I think I spent more time worrying about things and focusing on the little things that just aren’t really worth worrying about.  I don’t think I enjoyed the small moments with him as much as I could have.  I was too busy thinking about what I should be doing and what milestones he should be achieving.  I’m pretty sure all first time moms do this.

With Liam, he was our Golden Child.  The miracle baby at the end of a long line of infertility and loss.  I was older than when I’d had Harry.  And with Liam, I have been more patient, and perhaps more indulgent.  Those early days and months were almost literally spent staring into his eyes and just basking in the glow.  The milestones came and went and I noticed but didn’t really care, you know what I mean?  Liam is my monkey boy and as he grows and more of his personality shows, I’m just charmed by him.  To him, I’m a soft lap to cuddle in.  And can I help it if I find it adorable that he calls everyone “mama”?  Even Harry is “mama”.  Kile will try to prompt him to call him “papa” and Liam will actually argue, “No… mama!”

And it’s different with Evie too.  I honestly never thought I’d get to have a little girl.  I figured I would have all boys and that would be that.  So she’s a surprise to me, every day.  And with her, I have yet another special kind of relationship.  We’ll often escape the cacophony of the boys playing to go change a diaper and while I’m cleaning her up, we’ll smile at each other in a way that says, “I’m on your side, sister.”  She doesn’t like loud noises or being handled roughly.  She loves to be sung to and told she’s a multitude of wonderful things (such as being smart, being a big girl, being pretty, etc and so forth).  She loves to study pictures and faces and does so with a sober, serious look on her face.  She is very tactile and tends to “paw” a lot with her hands, generally at my chest or my hands or a blanket (whatever is handy).  I take a delicate hand with her that I never had to have with her brothers.  She is vastly more talkative at this age and I find myself responding to her coos with delight.  It remains to be seen if she’ll be interested in the boy’s toys and playing in the dirt, but for now she’s my girly girl.  And I will admit to treating her as such.

Leave it to these tiny terrors to put our world on it’s ear, huh?  Being a mom at home (or at work, for that matter) isn’t easy and it’s a lot of work to deal with this rigamarole day in and day out.  But stopping to notice the differences and embrace them?  Well that’s just awesome.

And when Harry gets home?  I’m totally going to cheer him on while he plays a rousing round or two of Mario Kart.  Because he is plain awesome at Mario Kart.

Hate is such a strong word, isn’t it?  Still, in certain situations, little else seems to fit the bill.  Or, say, if one has had a rough night, then the word “hate” is rather appropriate.  So here is what I find myself hating at this particular moment in time:

• that if we don’t close the bathroom door when we leave the dogs (Beetoe in particular) unsupervised, then they’ll get into the diaper trash (Liam still wears disposables at least half the time) and make a huge, disgusting mess.
• that the diaper covers I bought online for Evie that say they’re mediums and good to six months just came yesterday and they barely fit her.  Now i need to sell them and look for other, bigger diaper covers.
• that Evie is having such a hard time sleeping with us right now.  With me, in particular.  The same thing happened with Harry so I wonder if it’s related to nursing.  She has a hard time settling down in the night and will squirm and kick and thrash unless she has a boob in her mouth at all times.  It translates to crappy sleep for her (right now she’s passed out in her bouncy seat, poor thing) and crappy sleep for me (nursing a headache and a huge cup of coffee).
• that this means it might be time to try moving her into her own room.
• that we don’t have a dual room baby monitor and I need to have something like that in place to even consider moving her into her room.
• that if she does move into her room, I’d be signing up for trudging into her room at least once a night for the next year or so.
• getting up in the middle of the night. ‘Nuff said.
• the pain I’m feeling across my shoulders that is increasing every day.  I swear, last night, I couldn’t even swivel at my torso without wincing in pain.  I suspect this has to do with the heavy lifting I’ve been doing around here.
• that I’m still having to do all the lifting around here.  It really sorta sucks.
• that I feel so resentful of all the lifting and stuff I have to do around here.
• that it’s Sunday and that means the weekend is almost over.
• that Harry starts the third grade tomorrow.  Even though I’m excited for him, I’ll actually sorta miss having him around during the day.  Plus, you know, he’s growing up TOO DAMN FAST.

Bleh.  I need another cup of coffee.

I feel like I’ve got a head full of cotton this week or something.  I’m starting to think I’m not getting enough caffeine.  This is something I may have to remedy this next month.  Because I need to function.  And when I catch myself staring at the wall during downtime (ha!  what’s that??), a trail of drool on my chin and my eyes stuck in a vacant expression… well, I have to assume it’s because I need SOMETHING, right?

(Of course, it could be the current lack of thyroid medication.  I do plan to work on that.  Soon.  Ish.  Don’t pester me!)

So anyhow, I’m going to take the opportunity to catch ya’ll up on some of the mundane details of our lives this last week.  What we have all been up to and that sort of jazz.  You’re welcome.

***

Liam is cute, as always.  He’s been very adorable this week, perhaps wanting to make up for earlier in the month when I wanted to throttle him.  He has been attentive to his baby sister (a little on the rough side, perhaps, but attentive nonetheless), sharing his Hot Wheels with her.  He and Harry have been playing together an awful lot, which is great for getting the energy out of both of them.  Sometimes I do have to remind Harry to be careful with him, he’s still just a baby.  But Liam loves to rough-house and laughs his fool head off the whole time they’re playing.

Right now, they’re both watching “Cars” and every now and then, Liam will take a break from playing with his toys to gaze at the screen.  This is definitely a big hit with him.  Of course, it has CARS in it.

He’s been better about eating.  I feel I should knock on wood when I say that.  But I also haven’t been forcing the issue too much.  I do wish there was more variety in what he would eat and that he would consent to more fresh foods, especially meats, vegetables and fruit.  BUT… I’ll take what I can get.  Anyone have any spiffy ideas along these lines?

***

Evie has been a lot more predictable this week.  She’s been a lot more interested in taking actual naps so I’ve been trying to take advantage of that.  In the morning, it’s not so easy, but in the afternoons we’ve taken to going upstairs together.  I’ll often nurse her in our bed and then leave her there while I take a shower, go through my closet (more on that in a minute), do laundry, etc and so forth.  Liam is napping so I’m free to do whatever I need to do with her.  And so far, she’s been great about sleeping.  Okay, admitedly, a time or two I napped with her.  I’m not made of steel here, people.

Yesterday, I laid her down and nursed and then left her be.  She snoozed and started to wake after a good while.  I nursed her again, thinking she would be ready to get up but that I would get a nursing in before she did.  But she fell back asleep for about another hour.  If I recall, I did something similar with Liam (minus the nursing) and had him nap in our bed until I finally moved him to his crib.  I’m not going to rush this, just go at her speed.  But being able to nap in a bed setting is an awesome thing.

I just wish we had a monitor, then I could feel comfortable to go downstairs while she slept.  Right now, we have a monitor set up in Liam’s room (often the only way I can tell he has woken up without going up to check on him!).  We have another cheapo monitor but it’s so cheap that it picks up the other monitor and won’t work on it’s own.  Anyone know a good solution for this?  Do I need to get a seperate (digital, perhaps?) monitor for Evie?

***

Harry is keeping busy and not driving me too nuts.  I’ve had some funny conversations with him this last week (one involving mustaches and his intention to grow one when he can… GAH!).  Like I said, he’s been playing a lot with Liam.  He’s also been playing a lot of Wii.  Mario Kart is still the big hit around here and Harry is actually pretty danged good at it.  He’s unlocked a lot of the special content and takes a certain thrill in knocking Baby Peach off of ledges.

He still frustrates me, though, when it comes to shoes.  He’s completely worn through the new shoes we got him a couple months ago.  Turns out, he was using the one foot to break when riding his Razor scooter and it completely wore the shoe down so that his FOOT shows through the side.  OY.  The only other pair of closed shoes he has at the moment are lace-up boot-style shoes and he just cannot get the hang of tying shoes.  Yes, he is almost 9.  He keeps telling me he forgot how.  (insert image of me slapping my forehead)  Obviously, we’re going to have to buy some shoes this month.

And part of the reason for needing new shoes is… THIRD GRADE!  I swear, my heart skipped a beat as I typed that.  He starts on July 7 (Liam’s 2nd birthday!  GAAH!).  New backpack, new clothes, new shoes… I cannot believe he’s in THIRD GRADE.  What the heck happened to KINDERGARTEN?  He was in preschool when I started this blog, ya’ll.  This ain’t right.

***

Kile is recovering.  Slowly.  He’s back at work this week, but comes home in the evening exhausted.  Believe it or not, summer is an insanely busy time at a university.  That’s when all the work gets done, apparently.  It’s sort of their “crunch time”.  So there hasn’t been a lot of opportunity for him to sit down and rest at work, I think.

Of course, he’s been going in rather early.  Early for HIM, I guess.  Normally he was leaving the house at 8 or later.  This week, it’s been common for him to be out of the house by 7:30.  Now, one would think that then maybe he’d leave a little early, even if that is at 4:30.  That’s what he SHOULD be doing.  But no, he’s leaving at 5:30, or later.  Which is better than 6 or 6:30 like he might normally.  But then, he normally would leave that late because he was going in late.

But try explaining to him that he should either go in late and come home late or go in early and come home early.  DEAF EARS, I tell you.  It’s like talking to a wall.

When he does get home, he’s pretty much toast.  He even fell asleep during the first hour of “I Love the New Millenium” last night.  That’s got to tell you something right there.

***

As for me?  I’m getting my haircut tomorrow!  It’s at a “cool, hip” new salon downtown.  I’m actually a little nervous about it, to be honest.  I fear I’m not cool enough for this place.  I’ve read reviews online and several of the (glowing) reviews mentioned how this is a great place for everyone!  Even SOCCER MOMS.  As if that is so incredible to believe.  I fear they will think I’m an enormous nerd.  And will they think I’m an even more enormous nerd when I ask for an a-line graduated bob?  I find myself trying to figure out what to wear, hoping I’ll look somewhat normal.

I’m also worried about how much it will cost.  I hope it’s not too expensive.  What do haircuts cost you all, so I can I get a good idea?  I haven’t paid over $40, not including tip, so I’m just not sure what to expect.

As I mentioned up above, I’ve been cleaning out my closet.  I already have about two metric tons of old clothes to donate and I think I could probably get about two tons more.  There are a LOT of clothes I have that I never wear anymore (and some I never have worn at all, but were hand-me-downs).  Plus, there’s a bunch of maternity clothes that I will not be wearing.  Some of those I will be selling becuase they are really nice and in nice condition, but the rest are getting donated.

I even have quite the pile of shoes to donate.  My closet is actually starting to look (gasp) organized.  Perhaps now I’ll actually hang things up instead of throwing them in a pile on top of my dresser.  It’s all part of a greater plan to simplify and toss stuff that we don’t need or use.  LESS STUFF.  It’s a big goal, people.  Because we?  Have a lot of stuff.  A LOT.  Don’t get me started on the garage.

***

So that’s the story from around these parts.  WHEW.  That ended up being longer than I expected.  Apparently, I had quite a bit to say.  At any rate, I’m SO glad it’s a Friday and that the weekend (and payday!) stretches before us.  Anyone here have any big plans?  My biggest plan is my haircut (photos to follow, hopefully!).  And maybe some sleep?  Definitely some coffee or something.  We’ll see!