Posts tagged as:

hypothyroid

Health - Or Lack Thereof

by Marilyn on November 30, 2008

So to those of you out there who are waiting with baited breath for an update on my thyroid status… well… you’re not going to like it.  The short of it is: I still don’t have my meds.  I swear, even I was the sort to get persistant and worked up about this sort of thing, I still don’t think I’d have my meds.  My doctor’s office is THAT awful to work with.  I really picked a winner when we switched our insurance, didn’t I?  Shoot, I just wanted a doctor that was nearby that would be easy to go see.  I didn’t realize his office was going to be one step shy of completely incompetant when it comes to getting the proper care for a disease like hypothyroidism.

I’ve called.  Kile has called.  MY MOTHER IN LAW has called.  Nothin’.  Voicemails have been left.  Calls have not been returned.  Requests have been made for paper prescriptions that we could pick up.  I’d even be willing to go in and talk to the doctor again.  And while I’m not too excited about getting my blood tested AGAIN, I’d even be willing to do THAT.  But… nothing.  As I mentioned before (I think I mentioned it before, at least), I even tried to find another doctor.  But that was easier said than done as they wanted some mysterious “diagnosis” faxed to them before they would make an appointment.  I don’t even know what that MEANS.

And here’s the thing: hypothyroidism causes you to feel a lot of the same symptoms as depression.  By that, I mean that my motivation is below what it might normally be.  Now, I’m not that motivated anyhow, as I’m a rather laid back personality.  Add in the added lack of motivation and I’m pretty much just a bump on a log over here.  It’s very hard to get myself motivated to do something, especially when I know it’s going to be a fight.  It’s easier to just sit back and forget about it.

And that’s another thing… When your thyroid takes a header, so does your memory.  I used to think I had a pretty sharp mind.  I didn’t forget ANYTHING.  Now?  I forget EVERYTHING.  This is above and beyond the forgetfulness of motherhood, ya’ll, if that gives you any indication.  So when you add the forgetfullness with the lack of motivation you get a scenario like I find myself in the middle of.

Picture this:  You know there’s something you need to do.  And you need to do it as soon as possible.  The urgency presses at your brain.  But, it’s the middle of the night and you’re trying to get to sleep.  There’s nothing you can do in the middle of the night, so you’d be better off going to sleep and taking care of it in the morning.  Just don’t forget!  And then, of course you do forget.  Repeat for MONTHS.  And that, in a nutshell, is my life.

I KNOW that I need to take this medication.  But between simply forgetting about it and my lack of motivation, it has fallen through the cracks.  And now the situation has just gotten so completely ridiculous that I’m almost embarassed to see a new doctor about it.  Because then I would have to explain why I am so lame about this.  And I would have to hear how irresponsible it is of me to just let this go like this.

And, honestly, I don’t feel I’m up to that.  So I don’t know what to do next, other than keep pestering the doctor’s office to get our prescription filled for crying out loud.  And wait.  Wait, wait, wait.

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Calling all thyroid experts!

by Marilyn on October 23, 2008

Okay, who out there knows what these test results MEAN?  Because I got my results today and I’m totally scratching my head.

Back when I was first diagnosed with hypothyroidism, my levels were (I’m told) something like 36.  Didn’t mean much to me until the doctor explained to me that normal levels are 0.5 to 5 and that he’d like mine 0.5 to 2 in order to get pregnant.  Okie dokie!

This last pregnancy, when my OB called me all in a tizzy over my TSH level and the existance of antibodies in my bloodstream, the level was 16.  That’s when she bumped me up from 150mcg of levothyroxin to 200mcg.  Which is what I took until I ran out of pills (and refills) like THE DAY Evie was born.

I’m not sure what my levels were the first time they were tested by the new doctor back in August but they were a “jumping off” point anyhow, as if I had just been diagnosed.  He had me taking 100mcg.

Now I was supposed to get this test done a month ago.  (Oops!)  Actually, like a month and a HALF ago.  Anyhow.  I got a call from the nurse yesterday saying she had gotten my results and they were “high”.  The doctor wanted me to take 150mcg.  I pointed out that I had no refills and she said to have the pharmacy fax over a refill request which would be for 100mcg and not 150mcg but I’M NOT GOING TO ARGUE at this point.  And he wanted me retested in December.  Okay, whatever works.  Right?

Today I got the lab results in the mail.  And… well… I don’t want to jump to conclusions or anything but it says the result is 116.527.  (And, ever so helpfully, next to it is a flag that says High.)  (For the record, the “Reference Interval” is 0.45 - 4.500, which is in line with what I know.)

Uhm.  Is that the same number as the 36 and the 16 from before?  Because if it is, then that’s kinda beyond HIGH and more into OMG, HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?  Or am I being a doofus?  I swear, you could never tell I’ve had hypothyroidism for 5 years (well, more if you wanna get technical but I’ve known for five years), I’m still pretty naive about it.

Do any of you know how to read a report like this?  Cuz DUDE.

Not doing that well, actually

by Marilyn on October 9, 2008

This has been a hard week.  Partly because Evie is teething (I can finally feel the little buggers poking through her gums now!) and as such her sleeping has become a lot more schizophrenic.  Partly because Liam is acting every inch of TWO YEARS OLD and I’ve about had it with his constant boundary testing.  And partly because, well, I’m not taking thyroid medication.  Again.

So, I’m mentally cringing in anticipation of the accusations I’ll get from you guys.  I know I should have been more on top of things than I was.  But I just don’t know HOW I could have been.  I saw the doctor back at the beginning of August.  He prescribed me 100mg of meds, 100mg less than I was taking before Evie was born.  He had me go get my blood tested and sure enough, my levels were Not Good.  I forget the number now (maybe I put it in a post somewhere?  Far too lazy to go look for it), but it was fairly high.  The idea was I would get my blood tested again in September and go back in to see him a week after that and we would re-evaluate my meds then.

Hmm.  Riiiight.

The thing is, I cannot, cannot, take two small kids to get my blood drawn.  Not when one of those kids is Liam.  We don’t even have any labs near our house, it’s a good 20 minute drive to get to any lab.  It just can’t be done without additional adult assitance.  And Kile, well, he’s been busy at work.  He can’t really take a lot of time off.  It’s great that his job is so stable, don’t get me wrong.  We definitely don’t want to rock that boat.  So I haven’t pushed the issue.  In truth, I haven’t made it a priority.  And, to be honest, once I was able to get my blood drawn, I surely couldn’t go to the doctor with both kids either.

Basically, I’m trapped here at home with the kids.  I cannot leave with them so I cannot leave, period.

And, unfortunately, I’m feeling the effects of it.  My temper is short (not good when matched with Ornery Two Year Old), I’m easily frustrated, and I can tell that I’m circling the drain yet again.

So basically… when it comes to taking care of myself I am an Epic Fail.  And I just don’t know what I can do anymore to pull myself out of this hole.

Bermuda Triangle

by Marilyn on August 13, 2008

I’ve tried to start this post a dozen different ways but everything I’ve tried sounds so stupid.  So just bear with me.

While hurridly taking a shower during those magic moments yesterday afternoon when both Liam and Evie were napping AND NO ONE WAS NEEDING TO NAP ON ME, I was mulling some things over in my head.  I do my best thinking in the shower.   Anyone else do that besides me?  Sometimes it seems the shower is the only place a person can hear themselves think around here.  Anyhow.  I was thinking about things, about stuff and I came ot a realization.   I’m in a Bermuda Triangle of sorts.  At least, I think I am.

You see, I may have mentioned once or twice that I have a little problem with my thyroid.  I know, you’re probably tired of hearing about it already.  In the last couple of weeks I’ve done some sniffing around and I’ve noticed that there are some connections between hypothyroidism and depression.  Either the thyroid causes you to feel depressed, or the depression is a symptom or an effect… Okay, now I’m just starting to confuse myself.

And then I started thinking of the influx of postpartum hormones that crash in when a baby is a couple months old.  That thought was probably prompted by the handfull of hair that I came away with after rinsing the shampoo out.  The hair starts falling out and the hormones inside are trying to even themselves out.  It’s no small task, I’m sure.  In fact, I’m sure it’s a pretty serious endeavor since it was during this postpartum period that my thyroid first decided it was going to take a dirt nap all those years ago after Harry was born.  So it would be no small wonder that hormones leveling out should cause me to feel a little on edge.  It makes sense, even.

And then there’s postpartum depression.  Is it related to the evening out of hormones post-pregnancy?  Or something else?  I have to admit that I know very little about PPD.  What causes it, why some women get it and others do not.  Why some women get it worse than others.  And why you can have multiple chidren and not have it with some but have it with others.  I have no clue.  But it’s there.  It exists.

So where do I fall amidst all this?  I have a feeling I fall right in the middle of it all.  Right in the middle of the “Bermuda Triangle” of hormones, depression and syndromes.  I don’t think I need to tell you that it’s not a happy place to be.  At least, I don’t think it is.  Because I’m not even 100% sure that it’s where I am.  How do you know?  I guess I never considered that a person who was feeling depressed wouldn’t know for sure if what they felt was depression or if, well, they needed to just buck up and take it.  When I would hear someone recount their experiences with depression, I would never second-guess it.  I guess I assumed if you were depressed you just KNEW.  Is that the case?  Or not?

I guess it can be hard to see what’s right in front of you when you’re in the Bermuda Triangle.

I’ve felt that I just need to buck up and take it.  That what I’m feeling isn’t that remarkable, that what I go through is nothing compared to some women, that I have no room to complain about anything.

I want it to be known, however, that I cherish my children.  The love I have for them sometimes keeps me awake at night, it is so enormous.  I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.  As hard as things might be right now, I know my life is so much better having them in it.  So don’t think for an instant that I don’t realize I have some pretty awesome kids.  Because I know I do.

I just need to find my way out of this Bermuda Triangle so I can really start feeling like myself.  Even though I worry that I’ve been in here so long that I don’t even know what “myself” is anymore.

Mild Panic

by Marilyn on August 12, 2008

I’m feeling a rising, panic-like feeling in my chest this afternoon.  An almost virtual “the walls are closing in on me” sort of feeling.  I’m not entirely sure why.  I have the sensation that I could either bust out laughing or burst into tears at any moment.  It’s not a pleasant feeling.  I don’t enjoy it.  I would like it to leave me alone.

The fact that Liam has had some fairly scary diapers so far today, the worst being the diaper when he woke up from his nap that had “spilled over” onto his clothes and the blanket in his crib.  I think I used up half of the hand sanitizer before that little endeavor was said and done.  GAAAAAH. What the heck, Liam?  Do I need to feed you more bananas or something?

I’ve also been leaking up a storm today.  Before Evie, I NEVER leaked.  Now, I leak all the time.  And today?  I have been leaking constantly.  I finally just stuck a receiving blanket in my bra.  Really attractive, I assure you.  At least I remembered to buy nursing pads at the store the last time I was there.  Something I’ve been forgetting to do for like FOUR MONTHS now.

Speaking of Evie, she has a nasty rash and has for a while and I have no idea how to fix it.

I feel like I’m missing something.  That I need something.  Or maybe I need less of something.  Or more?  I HAVE NO IDEA.  And, if you couldn’t tell, IT’S DRIVING ME NUTS.

My thyroid pills are helping, I think.  But I don’t think they’re helping THAT much.  It’s better but not like it should be, you know?  I’m back from the brink so instead of being stark raving mad, I’m just raving mad.  At this point, just being mad would be nice but some day, I hope to be just fine.

Does such a thing exist anymore?