ideal

It’s hard when you become a parent, particularly a stay at home parent, to have the kinds of friends you had when you were younger. I feel like I’ve talked about this so many times that you’re all probably bored to tears. Still, I’ve reached some peace with the whole topic, I think. I recognize that part of what makes it so hard when we become parents is that our schedules are so hard to synchronize. When you’re talking about two moms who have young kids at home, you have to find a time that they can both get away from their kids, if you want to do a “mom’s only” sort of outing. And then, everyone has to be in the best of health. No colds, fevers, flus, aches, pains, etc. That goes for the husbands too because surely we cannot expect them to watch the children when they themselves are ill, right? The sick thing also goes if you just want to get together for coffee and let the kids play because naturally if one child is sick then ALL the kids are sick. And, a lot more subtle is that there must be a desire from both mom’s to actually get together. Taking care of kids all the time makes one feel rather tired. Sometimes it is just easier to stay put alone than it is to go out on a limb and get together. And sometimes it’s easier to just keep the status quo. Yes, it’s lonely. But it’s predictable. I’ve done this a couple times myself, I’m rather ashamed to say. I’m trying to go out on a limb more, to put myself out there. It does seem like after you’ve spent so many years shut off from society (honestly, that’s what it feels like sometimes) that it’s even harder to put yourself out there. Doubly so if you’ve been burnt in the friends department.

I was reading a post on another blog that was completely about a different subject altogether but one line made me start thinking of what my idea mama friend checklist would look like. What qualities and capabilities would I want from a BFF? It’s certainly different now than it was in high school. So here is what I’ve come up with so far:

Willing to make last minute plans. Say it was a Saturday afternoon and I have an urge to go out shopping for clothes. The boys would rather be shot than venture out to the mall so it looks like I have to go on my own. In this situation, I could call up a mama friend and ask if had anything going on and would she like to go shopping with me. In this ideal situation, she would say yes to this initiation more often than not.
Looking back at that first “requirement”, I realize I need to add “I would feel confident enough to call her up at a moment’s notice like that.” Because we all know I’m awful with the phone. Better with text messaging but that’s not the same and we all know it. I never feel confident just calling people up out of the blue. Pretty much the only person I ever call is my mother. I don’t know what it would take for me to feel that comfortable but I imagine in the right friendship with the right intimacy level, it’s possible.
Someone I can share all the details with. Now, I tend to sort of do this anyhow, even in situations where I probably shouldn’t. I have no idea why I do that. But it would be nice to know that I would never regret speaking my mind and spilling the intimate details. Sometimes I worry afterward if I should have spilled it all and how awesome would it be to know that the secret is safe with her?
Someone who would make me a priority. This is a tough one. When you’re a mom, your priorities shift dramatically from what they were in high school. Your husband and kids become your first priorities, as they should be. Before you know it, you’re up to your eyeballs in priorities. Home, church, school, work (if you work), relatives… Gah! Friends definitely can get lost in the mix. And I do understand this is not a cut and dry issue. Still, it’s been a long time since I’ve felt like I’m a priority outside of my own family. How great would it be to have a friend say she’s going to make a point to spend some time with me, regardless of what else might be going on?
Husbands who enjoy each other. Wouldn’t it be a tragedy to have all the other “checkpoints” marked off and this one fails? I’m sure we’ve all seen it happen. The moms get along famously and have high hopes for all the fun their families will have together. Then, the husbands meet and the general reactions is… meh. They don’t have anything in common, they have conflicting personalities, whatever. Finding a good match between husbands can be as difficult as finding a good mom to be friends with in the first place! I always feel a tingle of happiness when my husband gets along great with another husband, talking up a storm or playing video games together.
Lastly, someone who genuinely cares about me and my family. I’ve been lucky. I’ve known a lot of people who care about me and my family. Some of them have been friends and some of them have been more acquaintances, but we’ve still been very blessed in that department. Sometimes though, I think it’s easy for this one to take a backseat. People get wrapped up in their own lives, their own families, their own issues and forget to wonder how the other side feels. It happens when we get busy, I think. The last thing we want to do is hurt each other’s feelings (I desperately want to believe that), but sometimes I think we lose sight of others. It’d be awesome to find a friend who would be kind, understanding and compassionate towards me and mine on a fairly consistent basis.

I’m sure there are more points and that I’ll think of them over the days and weeks to come. But these are the groundwork. I definitely realize how difficult it is for all these planets align, too. Trust me, I understand. I’ve seen firsthand how friendships suffer after we become parents. Still, I refuse to give up on my ideal dream. I believe I can have a great friendship with someone. It might not happen this year, or even next year. But some day (of course, hopefully sooner rather than later).

What about you? Do you have an “ideal friend checklist”?

When Harry was a baby, I totally chickened out on the sippy cup issue. He’d been nursed exclusively (obviously, with jarred baby food as well) until he was a year old. Then, instead of getting him drinking out of a sippy like I should have, I gave him whole milk in a bottle. (And I would put him to bed with said bottle of milk. Don’t yell at me, I already know what a completely STUPID thing that was to do.) It wasn’t until he was TWO AND A HALF years old that finally got him drinking out of a sippy cup. It was murderous. And a mistake that I vowed to never repeat with any subsequent children. Hence, my frantic search for the Perfect Sippy. I remembered how difficult and lengthy that search was with Harry, so I knew that Liam wouldn’t necessarily go ape for the first sippy cup I brought home. And I was right. So far, all the cups I’ve presented him with have been met with lukewarm response. He’s shown more interest in them since I’ve started adding apple juice to the water I’ve given him in these cups, but he’s still not wild about any of them.

The Nuby cup has been tried often. He’ll drink out of it, but has shown no real loyalty. Same with the Gerber cup. It’s missing a valve so it’s “spill proof” properties aren’t entirely intact. However, that’s been actually helpful in training him to realize that something will indeed come out of these cups if he works it right. Of both of these, he seems to enjoy the softer spout to bite on, but that might not be a good thing to get him used to.

We also have one of these Playtex ones, but the spout is hard and he hasn’t been as impressed with that style. Again, it’s a take it or leave it sort of cup. We purchased on of these Nuk learner sippy cups (like you see to the right. It cost a fortune and for some reason has been sitting in our sink getting nastier and nastier and since Kile is supposed to do dishes, he just hasn’t washed it and I haven’t washed it because DUDE, that’s his job now so… yeah. But the one time or two we tried it, he seemed to like it better than some of the others. So I might cave and wash it tonight and try it out on him again. See what the verdict is. But it did cost a fortune, so I’d sort of like to find a cheaper option.

We also got one of these Nuby (is it Nubby or Nooby?) straw cups but he doesn’t seem to quite grasp the whole straw idea yet. But I think he’ll like it when he finally does. We also have a couple of Take n’ Toss style cups that we’ve tried when he’s sitting up in his high chair. Like the Gerber, it’s been nice for teaching him that something will indeed come out of the spout when he drinks from it. But it’s not a real viable option for grabbing and going. And eventually, here in a month or two, we’d like to get him off bottles for good. So something more durable is definitely a must.

Harry used to have some cups very much like these Munchkin cups. They were ultimately his favorites and he used to carry them around with him everywhere we went. When we went on the Great Sippy Search all those years ago, this was the cup that won out for us. So I’d sort of like to get my hands on one of these, see what Liam thinks. I also wouldn’t mind trying out the Dr. Brown’s sippy, since we had such a great experience with their bottles. However, considering how expensive those bottles were, I imagine these aren’t cheap either.

So my question to you, dear readers, is what sippy cups worked for you and your rug rats? I’m going to Walmart tomorrow but I’m smarter than to assume this search will magically end tomorrow with the holy grail of sippy cups. I imagine this is going to be a search that endures for weeks on end. So please, give me your advice and let me know what worked for you. Cuz I will have this child off bottles sooner rather than later.