Tag Archives: knitting

I’d be here, but I don’t want to frighten you

So why haven’t I been around these parts, even though I have admitted that I’m feeling fantastic these days?  Plainly put, I don’t want to scare you (all five of you) off.  Because I am happy and I’m contentedly obsessed with various things but it’s not the sort of thing I want to talk about around HERE.  Or on Facebook.  I’ve been neglecting Facebook too.  I might stop in a couple times a week for a quick browse through recent status updates.  That’s just… a lot less Facebooking than I was doing before.  But I can’t let the freak flag fly on Facebook either so I’m not there.  I am on Tumblr, however.  And no, I’m not telling you where.  Because the thing with Tumblr, especially when you’re kinda fangirling on Tumblr, is you don’t share with other people about it.  Because other people will think you’re nuts.  Which, let’s be honest, you probably are.  Tumblr affords a good deal of anonymity though and it’s nice to be surrounded by other people afflicted with the same obsessions.  So that’s where I am.

I am also writing a little!  GULP.  Nothing major and nothing anyone will ever read.  But it’s WRITING and that’s fantastic, isn’t it?  It’s still hard to unclog the writer’s block and I am having to force myself a little.  But it’s also feeling marvelous and I want to do more.  Yay!

And I’m still knitting.  I don’t have much to do in the way of knitting, but I am keeping the needles busy.  Never fear, I haven’t neglected that!  I am in the middle of two pairs of socks at the moment.  Both are turning out great and I’m very happy with it. Socks are fun to knit!  I’m so glad I added them to my repertoire.

Let’s see… on the homefront… Harry and Liam are both out of school.  Liam finished up a week ago.  He’s now officially a 1st grader!  Amazing.  He’s been in Elko this whole last week, staying with his grandparents.  We don’t think he’s missed us one bit, which is good in a way.  We’re glad he’s having a good time.  He’ll be returning tonight and then tomorrow Harry goes to have his turn in Elko.  He’ll probably be there for a couple weeks, actually.  We won’t have all five of us here until sometime in July. Weird!

Anyhow.  Uhm.  There’s more stuff I could probably prattle on about but I think I’ll stop here before I get too silly.  Be good!

In which I’m sure I’m quite mad

I didn’t mean to leave that other post up for so long.  Many ferocious apologies to you all.  I’ve been swept up in “Doctor Who”… which I suppose I never wasn’t swept up from the first time I started watching it on Netflix here several months back.  But I’m rewatching with Kile now, so he can at least know what I’m babbling on about and now I’m officially a nutter.

We bought a new coffee machine over the weekend (the ol’ Keurig was a great gal, but she pooped out on us the week before last.  We limped along with a Coffee Mate Keurig that really wasn’t as nice as we were used to and this is where I realize that I’ve totally become spoiled ROTTEN TO THE CORE.  Anyhow, so I bought a Keurig Vue.  Bite me.).  And this morning, as it was serving up my (travel mug sized! strong!) coffee, I could SWEAR it sounded like the TARDIS.  I of course had to immediately post on Facebook about it.  Because that’s just what I do.  I’ve had a request to get an audio recording of it so maybe I’ll give that a go tomorrow providing I don’t forget.  Though how could I forget if it’s sitting there going “vworp! vworp!”??  I mean, that sound is hard wired to my consciousness now, yo.

I apologize to those of you (which, come to think of it, is probably pretty much ALL of you) (all five of you, that is) who aren’t familiar with “Doctor Who”.  But mostly I’m just sorry that you don’t know about “Doctor Who”.  Because it’s full of awesome.  If you find yourself with nothing to do/watch on a Saturday afternoon and you have Netflix streaming, give it a go.  Especially if you were a “Buffy” fan back in the day.  Maybe that’s why I like it so much?  It has a very “Buffy” feel to it and the story arcs are set up the same way which is comforting.

So yeah, obsession with “Doctor Who” has occupied me.  That and knitting.  I watch commentary and fanvids and interviews and all various sorts of things on YouTube while I knit away in the afternoons.  I also read fanfic while knitting.  Which I’m sorta ashamed of, but really, there are some good stories out there!  And the way things were left with certain storylines, well, it just begs further investigation.

And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

SO yes.  I am here.  Completely bonkers, yes.  But here.  I’ll try to pop back in again soon and I’ll try to keep the “Doctor Who” fan-girling to a minimum. Now who wants to buy me this shirt?  Because… I NEED.

Getting my groove back

I think enough time has passed that I can’t explain it as a fluke.  It’s for sure: I feel SO MUCH BETTER.  Sure, I feel better physically (mostly… I still have something that hurts and/or is sore every day it seems), but the biggest improvement has been mentally/emotionally.  Gone is the fog of day to day to day and now there is so much more dimension to my days.  Which isn’t to say that every day is just fabulous.  Certainly not.  Its just that each day is… easier.

Which sounds simply laughable because the last several weeks with school and all have been super duper busy and wild and crazy and EXHAUSTING.   But when I think of how I would have gotten through the last several weeks if I were feeling the way I was before?  Well.  I don’t think I could have done it.  I’d be over at the hospital now, situated in a padded room.  When I say it’s easier it’s because I now have the reserves in place to deal with the added stress.  I can handle the go-go-go nature of life these days without dissolving into a puddle of pure stress.  And with how exhausting the new schedules have been, I surely would have been rendered comatose without my proper thyroid medicine.

However, I’m still waiting to lose weight.  Any day now!  Of course, that side benefit might have been sideswiped by the fact that my appetite has increased too.  Like, a LOT.  I’ve been so much more hungry lately.  Kile says it’s because my metabolism is firing back up. I say, “enough talk, bring out the bagels!”  Not cool.  So now I have to watch the snacking.  Luckily, knitting still helps with that.  Because if you’re knitting, you aren’t eating.  It’s really hard to knit and eat at the same time.  Go ahead!  Try it!

Ooh speaking of food (see how I did that?), my “feeling better” has lead to increased productivity which has led to me trying some new things food-wise.  I’ve actually made a few of the yummy food stuffs I’ve pinned on Pinterest.  And one of those things?  BUTTER.  No kidding!  I made butter!

I got the idea from Pinterest (which is where all ideas come from nowadays).  It lead me to a blog that documented the procedure.   It looked easy enough so I stopped at the store after dropping Liam at school one morning and bought some heavy whipping cream and some plastic containers with screw on lids.  I knew it had marbles at home.  To be honest, I doubted the whole thing would actually work.  I doubted clear up until that little container with shook up whipping cream actually turned into butter.  And then I felt AWESOME.  Like a superhero.  I made BUTTER.  Hear me roar!

So yeah, I’m feeling good.  I feel happier, more in control of my life and I can make butter.  Is there nothing I cannot do?

Igniting the light

You know what I love?  That color where a good, deep green mixes with a brilliant blue.  Not too light… not too dark.  Just right.

beautiful color

Gorgeous.  Lush.  I want to live where that color is.  It seems so cool and peaceful, doesn’t it?

***

On the “progress” side of things: I went to see the endocrinologist today!  As time was drawing near for the appointment, I found myself getting more and more anxious about it.  And I knew that was the social anxiety talking.   I made it through the appointment, sweaty palms and all.  The doctor took my history and seemed most interested in my neck (go figure, this being an appointment about my thyroid).  She asked questions about the size, discomfort, my voice issues, etc.  She asked a few other standard question but I would say my neck dominated the visit.  She felt around on it and then did an ultrasound and it was determined that my thyroid was both “enlarged and lumpy” which I thought just sounded gross.

She ordered up a bunch of labwork (that I promptly went and got drawn… I’m now four vials lighter!) and gave me a few medication samples to keep me going for the next two weeks.  Then I go back and we talk about my labs and see what needs to be done next regarding medication and dosage and all that fun happy stuff.

All in all, I’d say it was a “good” appointment and I’m glad that particular hurdle is now jumped. I’m sure I’ll worry and fret before the next appointment but it’s all about baby steps at the moment.  I’m just going to try my best to take it as it comes and not borrow anxiety if I can help it.  Seems like a good policy, yes?

***

I feel a little more “on target” this week.  Which is a good thing because I think another week like last one would be hard to bear.  I seem to have more patience, more “zen” if you will.  I’m feeling better about many things, including knitting and all that.  If I didn’t have my knitting, lord knows what I would do.  Last week I had no idea what to work on next.  This week, I have projects lined up to work so I feel a lot more at ease, thank goodness!

The “big day” is this Friday.  And by “big day”, I mean the day that I release my fifth pattern.  I’ve been developing this one the last few months and this time I just embraced the full on girly.  It’s called the Honeysuckle Tunic/Dress and there isn’t a darn thing there for mamas of little boys, I’m afraid.  But it has been SO much fun to see the design I once envisioned in my head and then sketched on a piece of paper come to life EXACTLY the way I thought it would.  Very cool indeed!  So the testing is drawing to a close and I’m doing the last minute polishing.  Come on, Friday!

Once that’s past, I get to dive right into the next pattern buzzing around in my brain.  Who knew I would love designing and writing up knitting patterns?  Shoot, who knew that I would love KNITTING?  The world is an amazing place, folks.  And life is just plain strange sometimes!

Summer is here. Blast it.

So summer finally arrived to this here neck of the woods.  Just as I knew it would.  Just as I dreaded.  Highs in the 90’s this week and it’s everything I thought it would be.  Which is to say that it is miserable, stifling and downright grody.  Luckily, the window A/C units are set up in the living room and our bedroom, the two rooms where I spend the majority of my time.  But every so often I have to walk through other portions of the house and I can’t say that I care for THAT much at all.  Stupid heat.

Is it fall yet?

***

Hey, did you see that my last post got featured on BlogHer? I think this means I’m famous now.  Seriously though, I’m honored that the post was recognized because it’s something I felt very strongly about.  Still do, obviously.  We can do so much better by our kids, don’t you think?

***

Yeah, I blame Miss Zoot.  I’ve totally been sucked into Pinterest.  You can see some of my pins over in the sidebar if you want.  You can follow me.  You can even comment here and I can send you an invitation and then YOU can get sucked into it too.  MUAHAHAHA.

I just want to share the love, is that so wrong?

***

I finished “The Hunger Games”, did I mention that here?  I might have forgotten.  Or I might just have posted it on Facebook.  I swear, I live on Facebook anymore.  If you’ve ever wondered, “Whatever happened to Marilyn?”  The answer is: she’s on Facebook.  And knitting.

Anyhow, the point is: I read the trilogy and duuuuude.  It’s messed UP.  But so good and addictive and it makes you think about it long after you put the book down which is sort of my barometer of if a book is good or not.  Definitely disturbing.  And I’m left wondering just HOW they’re going to do these movies.  I heard they were going to be rated PG-13 and I have wonder HOW?  Okay, the first one I can see getting away with PG-13, but the second?  The THIRD?  Uhm.  Yeaaaah.  Good luck with that, filmmakers!

***

“Game of Thrones” had its finale on Sunday and I can’t say that anything that happened was terribly surprising.  I figured Drogo would kick the bucket.  I figured, from the previews, that Dany would show off her dragon-ness in the fire.  I figured that the Starks wouldn’t kill Jaime and that Sansa would be “kept” at King’s Landing.  But it was still a pretty cool episode and I can’t believe we have to wait until 2012 to see the second season.  That’s just MEAN right there.

On the plus side, “True Blood” starts back up this weekend so at least I won’t be lonely while I’m waiting.  What does it say about me that I so vastly prefer the series on HBO over the network stuff?  Does this make me a TV snob?

***

I’m knitting socks!  I’m on yet another pair, this time as a yymn (your yarn, my needles, for the uninformed) and I think this officially means I’m a sock knitter.  I love knitting them but I do find I need another project to work on because I need breaks from the sock now and then.  The only issue is that right now I don’t have anything else to knit.

I know.  ALERT THE MEDIA.

***

I think I thought I was going to have a lot more to talk about when I started this post than I actually do.  So I’m going to try to save face and pretend like I planned this post to be this short all along while I self-consciously back out of the room.  Happy Hump Day, y’all!

No foolin’

April Fool’s!  I hate April Fool’s, to be honest.  You know why?  I’m, in the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, a “gulli-bull”.   I fall for EVERYTHING.  I am ashamed to admit the number of gags I’ve fallen for so far today already.  Thing is, I take people at their word.  I’m a trusting schmuck.  Dear god, don’t sell me any bridges!  I’ll buy ‘em!

Another thing that’s shameful is the number of posts I’ve started here and then forgotten until it’s been so long that it’s pointless to finish them off and publish them.  Truly.  So I’m resolving this fine April Fool’s Day, to sit here and FINISH this darned post and then actually remember to hit publish.  I can do it!

I’m so glad this week is over.  Or at least nearly so.  The other day I had the worst headache of my entire life and it literally brought tears to my eyes it was so awful.  It was combined with some pretty bad muscle aches on my neck at the base of my head.  I couldn’t turn my head, I couldn’t stand up, I couldn’t do diddly squat.   And NOTHING worked to help it go away.  Finally, when Kile got home from work he brought me Excedrin Migrane and THAT seemed to finally kick it.  Thank goodness!

Of course, today I have a monstrous shoulder ache.  Yes, my shoulder.  Of all things!  It hurts to lift my left arm or to lay on it or anything like that.  I’ve taken some ibuprofen and thankfully that seems to take the edge off.  Because lord knows I wouldn’t just put down the knitting just because it’s painful.

Speaking of knitting (and do I really speak of anything else these days?), remember that pattern I was venting guilt over in my last post?  We I think getting that off my chest was the inspiration I needed to polish it off and send it off to the testers.  You can check it out here: http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/jackson-hat  Some quick knitters have even already finished their hats.  Hot dang!  So I might finally get this poor pattern released by the middle of April like I’m hoping.

And just in time because I have ANOTHER pattern idea dancing around in my brain.  I’m going to work up what I’m imagining and if it comes together like I think it will, I’ll write up the pattern for that one too.  I’m a pattern-ing fool!  But I love patterns.  Patterns and stitch markers and knitting needles and yarn.  They’re my life.  And if you think I’m exaggerating, I’d invite you to come and check out my Yarn Shrine.  Yes, really.

Ugh.  Liam is hollering at me that he is finished with lunch (if he actually even ate anything I’d be surprised) and is ready for naptime.  And he won’t quit until I get up and deal with him so since I resolved to not leave this spot until I finished and posted this up, I better do that now before he chucks something at my head.  You think I’m joking!

Kindergarten starts soon, thank GOD.

I haven’t forgotten

Seven years, today.  Seven long (yet so very short too) years since the day that changed our lives forever.

I got to thinking of that day recently.  I don’t remember what brought it on, it was at night as I was trying to fall asleep.  And my mind wandered onto that horrible morning all those years ago, as our minds tend to do in the dark, quiet hours at night where we are alone in a sleeping house.  And BAM, I was back in that hospital room as the morning sun dawned through the eastern window.  And I felt those old feelings.  To say it was a “sinking” feeling would be a gross understatement.  It’s more like you’re standing at the top of the world’s tallest skyscraper and then the floor falls away beneath you.  All the way to the bottom.  That “heart in your throat”, dizzy, ill feeling when your world is turned on its ear.

I had to struggle that night to put the visions from my head.  I gave up trying to fill it with more pleasant thoughts and instead just willed my mind to empty so that I could fall asleep.  Sometimes that works.  And sometimes it doesn’t.

I’m sure people think, “It’s been seven years, surely things are better by now!”  And yeah, in some ways they ARE better.  They’re certainly busier, that’s for sure.  With two children now in our lives since that day, I haven’t had a lot of time to dwell.  But dwelling isn’t what makes you feel awful in those moments where you remember.  In fact, it’s the “out of the blue” sensation of it that knocks you down even harder.  You will think,”I thought I was over this!” maybe.  But you’re never over it.  Ever.  Seven years, after all, is such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of grieving.  Seven years can pass in the blink of an eye.

We still have no headstone for Jackson.  I’m horrified to admit this here.  It just… hasn’t happened for whatever reason.  I have no good reason really.  Avoidance is probably a large part of it.  If I avoid it, it isn’t real, right?  I can pretend that I don’t need to purchase a headstone.  But then I remember that I do need one.  And then I feel awful, guilty.  There’s no winning here.  I’ve made plans here and there for getting a headstone.  In fact, I had a great idea several months ago to write up a hat knitting pattern I’ve had swimming around in my brain.  I was going to name it the Jackson Hat and charge a small fee for the pattern.  Proceeds from that pattern would go towards purchasing this headstone at long, long last.   After the headstone was purchased, a portion of the proceeds would then go towards researching the causes and prevention of stillbirth or some sort of support services foundation.  But… I’ve been up to my eyeballs in custom knitting and haven’t had the time I wanted to work on that pattern.  And while I wanted to have it released this month, I’m no closer to getting it released than I was two months ago.

I failed.

There’s that guilt again.  Always there, waiting to drag me down a little deeper.

I will get that headstone this year.  By this anniversary/birthday next year, there will be a headstone in place.  I will see that it is so, even if funding for it has to come entirely out of my “play” money I make from knitting.  Because avoiding this issue isn’t helping me.

And that last thing I want anyone to think is that losing Jackson hasn’t affected me deeply and doesn’t continue to affect me deeply.  And that he isn’t remembered and loved just as much today as he was while he was kicking away in my belly over seven years ago.

I will always love him and I will always remember.

It must be Thursday

Flight of the Fairies babydoll

It’s not quite Friday.  But thank goodness it’s not WEDNESDAY which seems so very far from the weekend.  It’s Thursday, that awkward day between “OMG, there’s half of the week left to suffer through” and “It’s Friday, let the party commence!”

This is also a semi-exciting Thursday in that it is the second Thursday of the month and that means stocking day at Their Own Knitted World.  For those who aren’t familiar (and I imagine that’s most of you out there), TOKW is a “congo” that I stock on with a bunch of other super talented knitters over on Hyena Cart.  Hyena Cart is a lot like Etsy but is geared towards anticipated stockings and is more focused around the cloth diapering community as a whole.  And a congo, silly as it sounds, is just a store that multiple vendors stock at on an agreed date and time.  And for TOKW, that date is today and the time is 9pm Eastern tonight.

It’s been a slow few months… people were busy preparing for Christmas and the economy has hit the artisan community rather hard.  I’ve gotten somewhat used to stocking lovely things only to have them sit.  And sit.  And never sell.  I’ve taken to knitting my “in stock” items in Evie’s size,  just in case they don’t sell.  That way, at least I can get some use out of them!  Of course, that doesn’t work for the darling little mary jane booties I knit but I remain hopeful that someone will want to snatch them up.

I almost always stock a “semi-custom” slot each month.  This is using a particular yarn colorway from the featured yarn dyer (this month is Discobaby Knits… drool!) and then the purchaser can have whatever they like knit out of that particular yarn.  These customs are going to be rather few and far between this year as I hope to stick to my master plan of cutting back on customs and ramping up the pattern design.  I’m not advertising this fact to the masses, so it’s a somewhat little known fact.  Look at me, all exclusive and stuff!

So we’ll see how this goes tonight.  I’m not terribly concerned (see the above note about knitting things in Evie’s size), but it sure would be nice to sell a thing or two!  Furthermore?  It gives me something to look forward to today.  And having something to look forward to almost always helps the day pass a lot nicer than not.  And then it’ll be practically Friday and we all know how awesome Friday is.  Especially on the cusp of a THREE DAY WEEKEND.

And oh.  How delicious that will be!

A day or two early: Sayonara 2010

This year was… poor.  I mean, in the grand scheme of things, nothing horrible happened to me specifically this year.  But yet again, I saw a lot of crap happen to other people.  And then my general feeling of malaise not only persisted but seemed to grow and fester and BLEH.  I’m so ready for 2011.  I’m ready to face the promise of a new year.  See, as pessimistic as I can be at times (at TIMES? snort), there is a small core of optimism that runs through me.  And I truly want to believe that the new year will bring with it new opportunity, a fresh start and a chance to improve.

Hey, don’t dash my hopes.  Just wait until October when I realize that, dammit, this year sucks too!

At any rate.  I want to do a cheerful little look back at the Year That Was.

Songs that will always make me think of 2010

  • Bad Romance, Lady Gaga.  Dur.  Actually, when I hear this song, I think of that lovely week we spent last February up in Lake Tahoe.  That trip was lovely, a total bright spot in an otherwise craptastic year.  Anyhow, it seems like every time we got in the car, this song was on the radio that week.  And it grew on me.  And then Lady Gaga in general grew on me.  I blame my appreciation of Lady Gaga on this song.
  • California Gurls, Katy Perry.  This is a summer song.  This makes me think of summer.  And my niece.  Because, like Bad Romance, this song was on the radio ALL THE TIME the week she was visiting us.
  • Boom Boom Pow, Imma Be and I Gotta Feeling, Black Eyed Peas.  These songs make my children lose their dang minds.  Liam practically pees his pants whenever Boom Boom Pow comes on, such is his adoration.  And nothing is more funny than hearing your preschooler children try to sing along with these songs.  Nothing.
  • Billionaire, Travie McCoy.  This is such a HAPPY song.  Well, a lot of the songs on my good songs list are happy songs.  But I like that so much of this song is devoted to how he would improve the world if he were a billionaire.  We could use a lot more of this sort of attitude in today’s world.  This song never fails to make me smile.  And these days, that can be quite a tall order!
  • Love the Way You Lie, Eminem and Rihanna.  This marks Eminem’s return to the top and it’s a completely steller song.  The lyrics are shocking and awful and true and chilling and inspiring.  A masterpiece.  And the fact that Liam really digs it also is a bonus.  Say what you will about the tyke, he has decent taste in music.

Movies I actually saw in a movie theater in 2010

  • Inception (we saw this in San Jose with my nephew, his fiance and one of my best friends)
  • Shrek 4 (first time trying the little ones in the theater) (raging success!)
  • Toy Story 3 (second time trying the little ones in the theater) (with less success)
  • Iron Man 2 (but this was just Kile and Harry)
  • Eclipse (this was just me and my niece)
  • Tangled (twice! wowzers.  Both times in Elko, once 3D and once not)
  • Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 (and now I have to wait HOW long till the second part??)
  • Tron: Legacy (in 3D, also in Elko) (I sense a trend)

Number of knitting projects I started and completed in 2010

  • 150 or so (since some of them are multiple items even though they are listed as one item in my Ravelry) (holy cow, I knit a lot)

Best television programs of 2010

  • LOST.  sob.  My life has lost some of it’s meaning since LOST ended.   That show rocked my world.
  • True Blood.  We call it True Boobies.  Because most of the time, there’s more boobies than blood.  Not all, but mostly.  And while season 3 was known as being not as good, it was still better than anything else on so there.
  • Boardwalk Empire.  Or Boobwalk Empire.  Because, yes, lots and lots of boobies.  I’m sensing a theme, HBO.  (and that’s about it because we don’t watch a whole lot of television, believe it or not.)

Favorite purchases of 2010

  • My Canon Rebel XS.  I bought this myself, with money I made myself.  And it allows me to kind of play around with photography which is always lots of fun.
  • My new Canon PIXMA MX340 wireless printer.  This is brand spankin’ new but I can already tell this is going to be invaluable to me.  I hate printing things out cuz it’s such a pain in the rear with my laptop.  Having a wireless printer?  Should help LOADS.
  • The 55″ Vizio LED tv we got earlier in the year.  It’s like having a movie theater in our living room.  God bless it.
  • My iPhone 4.  I didn’t think I could love anything more than my iPhone 3g.  I was wrong.  You call can keep your Droids or whatever.  I have achieved Phone Nirvana.
  • Keurig Platinum Edition (okay, we bought this right before New Years but I’m still going to count it because this is my blog and I make the rules).  This is used daily and has kept me caffeinated and sane.  Favorite k-cups?  Donut Shop Chocolate Glazed Donut and Revv.  Oh my.  Love it.
  • Our Samsung Blu Ray player simply because it led to us joining up with Netflix again and discovering the truly awesome instant streaming feature.  This Netflix thing could be a large part of the reason we watched so little television this last year!

Favorite moments of 2010

  • Our trip to Lake Tahoe.  Thanks to my parents and their time share, we had a truly wonderful vacation close to home.  Gosh, I would love to do that again sometime.  We all had a great time.
  • Releasing my pattern and the truly amazing response to it ever since.  Wow!  Talk about an ego boost!  This has encouraged me to seriously consider writing more and more patterns in the future.

I’m being the bigger person and not listing the WORST moments of 2010.  As it was, I had a hard time coming up with my rather paltry list of favorite moments.  But I am wanting to at least double if not triple (quadruple!) that list for 2011.  See?  How’s THAT for optimistic thinking?

So over the next couple of days and when the New Year is rung in with much fanfare (and a sigh of relief, to be sure!), I will already be looking forward to what the new year will bring us.  And I will hope that it lives up to those hopes.

Do you have any plans for New Years Eve?

——

Speaking of starting the new year off right, wouldn’t a new, fancier coffee pot help?  Go read my review of the Tassimo T20 and enter my giveaway to get one of your very own to love and feel affectionate towards.

Remember this!

Last year, I didn’t start knitting Christmas gifts until well into December and I stressed and was knitting clear up until about midnight on Christmas Eve and I PROMISED myself that I wouldn’t do that to myself again.  I swore that I would begin Christmas gifts in the summer, if not earlier!

Fast forward to this year.  I didn’t start a darn thing until after December 1st.

D’oh!

I did start earlier.  And to be perfectly honest, I have gotten more gifts completed this year.  BUT, I will have less for my own immediate family.  Is that the trade-off?  More for other people = less for my own kids?  I should at least have something for Kile, provided I can finish it TODAY.

Gulp.

I feel wretched.  In fact, yesterday I had a mini nervous breakdown when I let the pressure get to me.  The kids were… impressed by my display.  And I was humbled when my 2 1/2 year old daughter came up to me, patted my arm and said, “Don’t cry, mama.  It’s okay.”

Today, I’d like to think I have better perspective on all of this.  I know that it’s going to be a rush to finish.  And hopefully I will.

But next year?  I will not do this to myself again.  Yes!  I swear!  I will be knitting LESS, in fact.

I won’t be knitting as much for people outside of my immediate family.  It’s not that I don’t want to share my knitterly goodness, it’s just that I don’t think handknit stuff is appreciated as much by others.  And it’s nothing against THEM.  But the amount of time (and this year, STRESS) that goes into making something isn’t quite worth it.  I’ve done a lot of worrying about what to make for people, how they will receive it, if I picked the right color(s), etc and so forth.

And I’d like to be able to focus on my husband and kids.  Who put up with my knitting, appreciation or not.  I would love to knit socks for Kile, mittens and hats for the kids, dresses for Evie’s doll, and all of that.  And maybe even a hat or fingerless mitts for myself!  I know!  I’m wearing last year’s “prototype” fingerless mittens and I have no hat.  Because I have NO time to knit anything for myself.  And after Christmas?  My customs list is already booked so I’ll be back to THAT particular grindstone right away.

I know I did this to myself.  I’m a work-aholic.  I’ve got no one to blame but myself here.  But next year, I SWEAR, I will do it different.  I want to enjoy this week leading up to Christmas, not feel buried under pressure and stress and angst.

Hold me to it, Internet.  HOLD ME TO IT.