Seriously, you could probably write a book about how much stuff they never tell you before having kids. Or about how they tried to tell all this stuff before you had kids, but you never listened. Or you listened but you didn’t believe them because you were going to be different! You’re SPECIAL, damnit. Ahem. Something like that.
Anyhow, my point here is that I was never told just how different a mom that I would be to each of my children. Oh sure, I heard all the talk about how “each child is different”. And I beleived it because I grew up in a family of five children. But I guess I never stopped to realize that you are a different mom to each child. Or is that just me? Becuase I SWEAR, I never expected to feel so differently each and every time.
There are basics in place, of course. I’m a pretty laid back mom (NO WAY, you’re KIDDING… ) and generally don’t get too worked up over things. My kids, more often than not, might have a smear or two on their faces. My house tends to look a little “rough around the edges” by the end of the day. I encourage all of them to be able to play on their own without me, though at Liam’s age, I do join in from time to time. I also don’t put up with much nonsense and demand respectful behavior and adherence to the rules and regulations (be they what they are) around the house.
But as for how I relate to each child? It has literally amazed me at how differently I interact with each one. With Harry, he was my first. We had a very close relationship for the first six years of his life. As a baby and toddler, though, I think I spent more time worrying about things and focusing on the little things that just aren’t really worth worrying about. I don’t think I enjoyed the small moments with him as much as I could have. I was too busy thinking about what I should be doing and what milestones he should be achieving. I’m pretty sure all first time moms do this.
With Liam, he was our Golden Child. The miracle baby at the end of a long line of infertility and loss. I was older than when I’d had Harry. And with Liam, I have been more patient, and perhaps more indulgent. Those early days and months were almost literally spent staring into his eyes and just basking in the glow. The milestones came and went and I noticed but didn’t really care, you know what I mean? Liam is my monkey boy and as he grows and more of his personality shows, I’m just charmed by him. To him, I’m a soft lap to cuddle in. And can I help it if I find it adorable that he calls everyone “mama”? Even Harry is “mama”. Kile will try to prompt him to call him “papa” and Liam will actually argue, “No… mama!”
And it’s different with Evie too. I honestly never thought I’d get to have a little girl. I figured I would have all boys and that would be that. So she’s a surprise to me, every day. And with her, I have yet another special kind of relationship. We’ll often escape the cacophony of the boys playing to go change a diaper and while I’m cleaning her up, we’ll smile at each other in a way that says, “I’m on your side, sister.” She doesn’t like loud noises or being handled roughly. She loves to be sung to and told she’s a multitude of wonderful things (such as being smart, being a big girl, being pretty, etc and so forth). She loves to study pictures and faces and does so with a sober, serious look on her face. She is very tactile and tends to “paw” a lot with her hands, generally at my chest or my hands or a blanket (whatever is handy). I take a delicate hand with her that I never had to have with her brothers. She is vastly more talkative at this age and I find myself responding to her coos with delight. It remains to be seen if she’ll be interested in the boy’s toys and playing in the dirt, but for now she’s my girly girl. And I will admit to treating her as such.
Leave it to these tiny terrors to put our world on it’s ear, huh? Being a mom at home (or at work, for that matter) isn’t easy and it’s a lot of work to deal with this rigamarole day in and day out. But stopping to notice the differences and embrace them? Well that’s just awesome.
And when Harry gets home? I’m totally going to cheer him on while he plays a rousing round or two of Mario Kart. Because he is plain awesome at Mario Kart.
