I’m rather lonely.
If not for my husband and kids, I would be entirely lonely. So I guess it could be (a lot) worse. But the fact of the matter is that I don’t have a lot of “girl time” to enjoy. Well, it’s not the “time” I’m lacking so much as the “girl”. I have no friends. Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms.
And I think the longer that I don’t have friends and the more I am holed up here in my home, clacking away on my laptop, the more anti-social I’m becoming. I have always been shy and introverted, but that never seemed to get in the way of making new friends. So I don’t think I’m a total loser, you know? Or at least, I didn’t used to be. Maybe I am now. Lah-HOO-ser!!
Ahem.
I tried and a couple years ago, I thought I had finally hit the jackpot. I had some friends that lived nearby that I loved to hang out with. Our families loved to hang out too. Kile enjoyed them, Harry enjoyed their son, etc and so forth. It was like the answer to my prayers.
Then… things went downhill. I still to this day can’t put my finger on exactly what it was. Was it me? Perhaps they didn’t enjoy me as much as I did them. Which, of course, stings. It makes you step back and question yourself. So it’s easy to see why, after a few failures on the social front, that we tend to keep to ourselves more and more.
It’s safer that way. Simpler. Easier. I love to take shortcuts, especially if they make my life simpler and easier. And withdrawing from society is so simple and so easy. And so safe. If you don’t put yourself out there, you can’t be disappointed. You can’t get your feelings hurt. You don’t expose yourself to rejection. You feel lonely, but if you try hard enough and long enough you can get used to it. And you can even get to where you don’t even really notice it so much anymore. Lonely becomes the New Normal.
Maybe Reno is the problem? It wasn’t so hard to make friends in college, but since being out on our own, it’s been so much harder. Are people here just not that friendly? Would it be easier if we lived somewhere else? Would another neighborhood be better or would we need an entirely different part of the country?
Why am I even thinking about this in the first place??
Who knows. I just wonder, from time to time, what my life would be like if I had some good friends to hang out with fairly regularly. I’m sure Kile would appreciate it, because then I wouldn’t be hassling him to come see “Twilight” with me this weekend.
